Trying not to think about time.
It's late and I just finished putting more of my clothes into my sister's car so I can drive them over to the new house and unpack them. I am living in two houses at the moment. I sleep in the new house. I bathe in the old house. I drink cold water from the new house. I check my e-mail from the old house. The milk is in the new house. The cereal is in the old house. For the most part, my belongings are now located in the new house... but it is a slow process. I just want to get it done in one day, but that's impossible, isn't it? Today we moved the fridge. Yesterday it was the beds and dressers. Tomorrow... eh. I'm tired as hell.
I am two people. One you know but don't like. The other one you don't know, but you don't want to.
Last night I cried at work a lot. I don't really know why. Multiple reasons. I went into the break room and felt like I couldn't breathe. A waitress told me that some of my friends were dining in the front and wanted me to visit them. I tried to clean myself up, and I went into the dining room. At the sight of Kevin, I broke down again. He instantly got up and walked me outside. I cried all over him, and he gave me a very long hug. I cannot say how good that felt. I am tired of feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone. I am tired of feeling ugly and useless. I am tired of feeling nostalgic. I'm tired of wondering why I let people stand in the way of my happiness. I am tired of boys. And girls. And everyone and everything.
I went to Cedar Point on Wednesday and had a good time. Roller coasters are better than drugs, kids.
I have lost all of my appetite as of late. My back always hurts and I am constantly fatigued. My hair is growing too fast. My skin is peeling.
On the 4th, I attended an employee cook-out at my boss's house, and I got shot down with rude remarks and beer-saturated assholery. I felt like a big loser. But at least the food was decent and the swimming pool was nice. Fucking hell. I am so angry/upset/confused just thinking about how I was treated. I would like one member of the masculine origin to treat me like a completely deserving, upright, decent member of society. Because I am all of those things, and you are just as socially awkward and nervous as you pretend NOT to be. I would like to NOT be lead on and made a fool.
Someday everything will be better for you.
It's late and I just finished putting more of my clothes into my sister's car so I can drive them over to the new house and unpack them. I am living in two houses at the moment. I sleep in the new house. I bathe in the old house. I drink cold water from the new house. I check my e-mail from the old house. The milk is in the new house. The cereal is in the old house. For the most part, my belongings are now located in the new house... but it is a slow process. I just want to get it done in one day, but that's impossible, isn't it? Today we moved the fridge. Yesterday it was the beds and dressers. Tomorrow... eh. I'm tired as hell.
I am two people. One you know but don't like. The other one you don't know, but you don't want to.
Last night I cried at work a lot. I don't really know why. Multiple reasons. I went into the break room and felt like I couldn't breathe. A waitress told me that some of my friends were dining in the front and wanted me to visit them. I tried to clean myself up, and I went into the dining room. At the sight of Kevin, I broke down again. He instantly got up and walked me outside. I cried all over him, and he gave me a very long hug. I cannot say how good that felt. I am tired of feeling like I'm not good enough for anyone. I am tired of feeling ugly and useless. I am tired of feeling nostalgic. I'm tired of wondering why I let people stand in the way of my happiness. I am tired of boys. And girls. And everyone and everything.
I went to Cedar Point on Wednesday and had a good time. Roller coasters are better than drugs, kids.
I have lost all of my appetite as of late. My back always hurts and I am constantly fatigued. My hair is growing too fast. My skin is peeling.
On the 4th, I attended an employee cook-out at my boss's house, and I got shot down with rude remarks and beer-saturated assholery. I felt like a big loser. But at least the food was decent and the swimming pool was nice. Fucking hell. I am so angry/upset/confused just thinking about how I was treated. I would like one member of the masculine origin to treat me like a completely deserving, upright, decent member of society. Because I am all of those things, and you are just as socially awkward and nervous as you pretend NOT to be. I would like to NOT be lead on and made a fool.
Someday everything will be better for you.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
mattscope:
Punch Drunk Love would be a good film to watch at the moment.
iamlost:
I appreciate and love you for you.