kelland

I'm on a plain. I can't complain.

It's time for some pictures.

Remember the Girls Boosters officers picture from last April? I posted it here while noting how it was a great illustration of how pale I am compared to every other female in my school. But more than that... it also proves that although I am thin, and everyone always says, "Erica, you are really thin," and I am actually UNDERWEIGHT according to most medical professionals, I still am not the skinniest of these four Bucyrus High School senior girls. So. Instead of thinking I'm too skinny... think these girls are too skinny. Haha. I digress.

Girls' Boosters officers picture, April of 2005: Me (I miss my bob haircut and red lipstick phase), Sara, Tegan, and Allie (everyone is wearing pink but me).


Girls' Boosters officers picture, April of 2006: Allie, Sara (her squinting is rather unattractive) Tegan, and me. You can't tell here, but I'm still the palest.


And here are two completely unrelated pictures that are both comical in nature. 1.) Myself, Tegan, and Sara... acting like frogs a few weekends ago at the kiddies annual "Fun Night." (See the lily pads?!) 2.) Ed thefting from Wal*mart.





So Damein and I went tux browsing for prom on Friday. We chose the perfect ensemble: a white zoot suit with black pinstripes, a white vest with black pinstripes, a black undershirt shirt, a hot pink tie, and black and white canvas shoes. He is going to look a lot cooler than I. And just in case there was any doubt, I love him unconditionally and he is the bestest friend ever.



I finished reading Brave New World today. The book says some profound things about God and the meaning of life. In fact, I'm pretty sure that it completely sums up my feelings toward our modern Americanized society, so much that it is eerie. Sex, drugs, religion, politics, love, hate, work, and education. I believe that Aldous Huxley and I are somehow metaphysically linked. Everyone always compares 1984 to Brave New World, and I did that too before I ever read Brave New World, but now I see that the only real similarity between the two is the emphasis on a controlled society. Other than that, they differ greatly, but they are both amazing in their own respects.

Our world, our people, our country, and our society are born into a state of perpetual distraction. We are constantly distracted from matters of true importance by the media, by entertainment, by easily accessible pleasures, by controlled substances, by our parents, by our churches, by our government. I'm tired of living in a society that always tries to decorate its problems, to cover up its problems, to disguise its feelings, to impose its feelings on others. I'm tired of human beings seeing themselves as superior creatures while animals are inferior, worthless pieces of shit for our disposal. We are animals. We are no better. What is a soul? A concept created by man that must be taught before we believe that it truly exists. Without knowledge of a soul, how can we believe we each have one? Our God is a series of stories fed to us from the cradle so that we may grow to have faith that there is reason in a world that is lacking. A reason to feel important and a reason to belong. But because we ignore our instincts and allow our society to determine how we think, feel, and act, we are only different from animals in that we live on influence. Animals are purely instinctual. So, human beings have a complex spoken language and animals don't. Our language is not complex - it is learned. And how is an animal's language NOT complex? Can WE understand it? No. Well, human beings strive for individuality and betterment. Their behaviors are unique and stem from a universal need to attain enlightenment. Our behaviors are not unique - they are learned. Sometimes I don't really know what I mean or what I believe or why I'm here, but I do know this: the only thing that separates human beings from animals is our collective instinct to ignore instincts. You might think I sound completely crazy and maybe even offensive, but that's my argument, and I could argue it all the live-long day.

Now that I'm all ranted-out... so you think Brave New World depicts a society so scarily numb? So meaningless and trivial and lost and immoral? I don't think so. I think that people fail to see the similarities between the idle human beings in the novel and the idle human beings you might have for friends, lovers, family, neighbors, teachers...

The Controller:

"And there's always soma to calm your anger, to reconcile you to your enemies, to make you patient and long-suffering. In the past you could only accomplish these things by making a great effort and after years of hard moral training. Now, you swallow two of three half-gramme tablets, and there you are. Anybody can be virtuous now. You can carry at least half your mortality about in a bottle. Christianity without tears -- that's what soma is."

And the Savage:

"Getting rid of everything unpleasant instead of learning to put up with it. Whether 'tis better in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them... But you don't do either. Neither suffer nor oppose. You just abolish the slings and arrows. It's too easy."

That's quite enough of that for now.

Here's some randomness for pure reading enjoyment.

1. I've been listening to Nirvana and Pearl Jam like crazy lately for some reason. And even crazier, Jessica is too. Only she had no idea that I was. So, it's the end of April, and we're both drawn back to 1990s grunge time for no apparent reason at all.

2. Here is a complete list of my favorite beverages: green tea, orange juice, Mug Root Beer, Canada Dry Ginger Ale, and decaffeinated cappuccinos over ice.

3. I tried black licorice once and it was fucking nasty. Not "absolutely delicious" as my grandpa claimed.

4. I am the slowest reader you'll meet. Even if the book is interesting, I am often unmotivated to read. The result is me starting Lolita in January and finishing it in June.

5. I do not type properly, but I can type fast...ly.

6. My teeth are weird. They sort of curve inwards. Some are very jagged, like my bottom teeth, while others are more smooth and rounded, like my front teeth. My left front tooth is chipped a little and I have no idea how that happened. I have other chips from unknown sources. I have a gap and an overbite that is only evident while I smile fully. I don't really like my teeth but people tell me they are cute, so I try to appreciate them for what they are. I am trying to whiten them at the moment.

7. It bothers me when my arms are a different color than the rest of my body. In other words, I am bothered 90% of the time.

8. I do not like to wear a seat belt when I drive, and I only usually wear one if I sense danger or if I'm driving out of town, which doesn't really happen much anymore.

9. I currently have a mullet. Everyone disagrees but I know that I'm right.

10. I made egg salad tonight, and mom and dad are complaining that the refrigerator stinks.

My dad is still unemployed for an indefinite amount of time and it depresses me... but I don't want to be depressed anymore. I don't know what to do other than ignore this fact and hope that something will come along by the grace of God to put my family back on its feet.