keepitmetal

So I went mountain biking again today. I've been riding again for a solid three months at this point, so my skills and conditioning have improved. So I decided to try the Expert Brown trail here at Smith Lake in beautiful Fayetteville, North Carolina, and it did not end well. The Expert Brown trail at Smith Lake, whooped me pretty good and also gave me a nice lesson in physics. Apparently if you are an asshole on a mountain bike with x amount of mass and y amount of acceleration and you try to do a jump you create enough force to land on your face and do a complete flip, resulting in said mountain bike coming to rest on top of said asshole... Now this is not to say that the entire ride was terrible, it started off rather pleasant...

See, such a pretty day! Then I came to the mouth of the beast!!

But I was not scared!! I was confident in my abilities!!

You see, I had been training for just these type of trials and tribulations. Making sure that my body and mind could handle the rigors ahead! So I started off and things were going as expected. Some tiring uphill sections and some fun and somewhat tricky downhill sections. This was all normal stuff. Then I came up on the first big jump!!!

Ummmm... yeah, that's like a 10-15 foot drop... How about no... But look at that fun little jump down there at the bottom! That shouldn't be too hard, and would be a good training point to start learning about jumps! So I went for it!

Nailed it...

Missed it by that much... So I brushed my self off and tried it again and landed it! Kind of... My feet came off the petals and when I landed the seat promptly tried to sodomize me... I now know what women think when guys try the "oops wrong hole" trick. I was like, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!!" Anyway, since I kind of landed that one I decided to try another jump. This was the one that flipped me upside down and messed up my shoulder. I was so pissed off that I didn't even take a picture of my destroyer. Call me a sore loser... So after I totally ate shit, and hurt my face, back, and shoulder, I still had to bike like three miles to even finish the Expert Brown trail. I didn't attempt any more jumps. So I finally got back to the trail head and felt like I had just been hit by a freight train loaded down with massive dicks...

Yeah, that's how I felt afterwards. So I gathered what was left of my pride and biked back to my car... At least I was able to get some nice pictures during my ride. You win again Brown trail... And fuck Physics. Physics are bullshit!