keepitmetal

Well my second deployment is finally starting to end. Only about a month left before I'm back in America. It's been a hard 8 months. You know after my first deployment I didn't feel like I changed that much, but after this one I realized something. I realized this week that since my first deployment I've become an angry person. I've been through some really hard times and I let that make me angry. Like, really angry to where it has started to change me. It started to change who I am, how I think, and I stopped trying to connect with those around me. And that hurts. I grew up under someone like that. Someone who was angry about their life, the things they had lost, and opportunities they missed out on, and I never wanted to become that way. Then I realized that I was becoming exactly like that person... It absolutely terrified me. But I have something he didn't have; hope. Hope that things will get better. Hope that life still holds promise for me. Hope that I can still be the person that I want to be. It made me realize that it's never too late and I don't have to be angry anymore. Now it doesn't mean that everything is magically ok. I still have fears to face and insecurities to overcome; also this deployment to get through... but I realized that all I can do is start taking things one day at a time. All I can do is make the best decisions I can with the information I have and trust that my heart will know the right thing to do. I developed this horrible habit of trying to figure out what the future held. That is impossible. No one knows what the future holds and when you try to determine what it is it leaves you scared. Scared that things aren't going to work out the way you want them too. Scared that something isn't going according to your plan. And when things don't work out the way you envisioned them, it makes you angry. To the point where you miss out on all the amazing things life has in store for you. So I'm not doing that anymore. I don't know what's going to happen when I get home, when I get out of The Army, or if I'll ever find the one I've always dreamed of. But if I start living in the present, then one day I'll come home from deployment. Then I will eventually get out of The Army, and I'll have a whole world of opportunities in front of me. And just maybe I won't find the one I've always dreamed of, but I'll find the one I need. And that's not something to be angry about at all. There's not really anything to be that angry about as long as you know hope. So don't ever lose hope SG land, because hope never loses us. Keep It Metal my friends. \m/