kebabski

only read this if you want to read the most emo shit ever written.
i feel totally broken.
ryan came back from leavers on sunday and came over crying cos he loves me and wants to know why i don't love him. gave me ultimatum of girlfriend or norhing. chose girlfriend cos its easily undone.
sun night when i went there i'd looked on myspace for his freidns comments and stuff and one said they saw amy and ryan sat night in maidavale. i didn't think anything of it cos he was still in bussleton.
sun night he slipped up and said he got back late sat and fell asleep watching movies. then he said fri at the pub...and realised he'd said he got back fri night. then was like i had stuff to do and wanted to surprise you.
then he said the two girls he kissed one lived in bunbury so he wouldn't see her and one lived in maidavale and he might catch up with her.
i was like whoa you were with her saturday night. you got out videos. you said you fell asleep watching videos. at hers? no at his.
and they slept together. he showed me the used condom and the wrapper.
he left her in his bed when he came to tell me he was back then went back to drive her home after he'd come to me crying that he lvoed me. and she knew about me. i feel so betrayed and so stupid. i didn't know i cared about him until i found out this stuff and it hurt so bad. he gave me her myspace page so i could see photos of them on leavers.
maybe just cos i've had the shittiest week and missed having him tell me how wonderful i am but i didn't know how much i cared until i got so hurt.
yesterday he spent all day trying to convince me to be his girlfriend and when i said maybe he was like well i don't know who i like more her or you. he just likes the attention. i hate him. and today again he was here and loves me and hates that i didn't want him and just BULLSHIT
i have spent the last few days just drinking with my friends and have barely eaten since he told me. i haven't slept since saturday and my eyes burn and everything hurts and i just feel sick to my stomach.
i can't believe that someone could treat me like that and still expect me to want to be with them and he just keeps crying. i should be the one crying. he keeps saying i never loved him and he's right and i feel bad about how i treated him.
all his friends and his mumknew he was seeing her while i had no idea we had a problem.
i think i need to do something but i don't know what i feel like shit. i'm so sad.
on sat night when i went out i looked really good and allthese guys wer talking to me and i was like no i'm with someone cos lying is so wrong and thats the night he was with her. he didn't have time to come see me but he could go to work friday, then drive the half hour, hour whatever from padbury to maidavale to see her, take her home again and shag her. at least i know where i am on the priorities.
yet he was here sunday night, monday night, yesterday all day and again this morning but i wouldn't let him in.
i can't believe how much i hurt.
i should just be happy that he found someone that feels the same about him and won't make fun of him theway i always do. but she knew about me and she didn't care. and i want him to lose something that matters to him and hurt the way i do. i hate him i hate him i hate him
he should have told me, he lied to my face for hours before i realised anything. we were kissing and talking and he was so happy to be back with me and telling me he'd loved me for ages.
he wasn't going to tell me. i was going to think he'd came and seen me as soon as he got back and missed me the whole time. and now he won't leave me alone which makes it that much harder cos he does seem to really care.
oh my god i'm so babbling on. haha i'm stupid. i never wanted him until i found out he wanted someone else. maybe i'm jsut one of those ppl that always wants what hurts them. if i hadn't gone all stalkery on myspace i still wouldn't know. i'd still be the follish loser knowing nothing. i still am. what else did he lie about?