I knew I wanted to be a SuicideGirl ever since I was thirteen years old. Such beautiful women, confident, different. I wanted to be among them.
Of course my entire family deterred me, calling it "degrading" "porn" all that nonsense. But as the years went by, every day I imagined myself posing with that logo in the corner.
As soon as I turned 18 I started working for it. Got my tattoos, found an amazing photographer to help me get into boudoir and eventually nude. Put myself out there on social media. Talked to as many SGs as I could. Then I entered the SinCity contest, and was selected as a finalist, and finally got the confidence to apply to the site.
I didn't win, as we all know, a lovely girl named Hailey did. But I came close. And it was an amazing feeling, being not only noticed by SG and thought highly of, but that hundreds of people thought I was a good fit also. I got an acceptance email a few days after I applied. Immediately cried and planned my first set with my photographer.
When we submitted my first set, Naiad, we were sure it was a good first try but not the one that would make it. We are both very good at what we do, but most Hopefuls go through a few sets before one is accepted. So imagine my surprise when I got the email that said "congratulations, your set has been accepted for member review". I cried, of course, again. I'm a happy crier xD
I'll be 19 in October. I know I'm only a Hopeful and I still have a ways to go, but I can't believe I've gotten THIS far, especially in such short time. I'm so proud of myself :) in middle and high school all I wanted was to die. Now I see how much I'm really capable of and I'm excited to see what else life has to offer me. I'm told on my Facebook and Instagram pages all the time that I'm inspirational, because I went from the reject, suicidal, depressed girl no one liked, to a successful alternative model. Girls thank me for helping them be more proud of their bodies. It's a great feeling. I now feel like I'm doing this not only for myself, but for those who look up to me.
I'm basically living proof that no matter how hopeless things may seem, if you work hard enough you can do anything.
