kazrael

It always seems harder for me to write when things are going well. The more I'm engaging classes that feel like truly upper level challenges (which my first major lacked), the more my confidence builds for graduate school. I'm still lacking much of the context that people around me refer to, but I also feel like I pick up on the deeper levels of the theory more quickly than most.

The only wisps of melancholy that float hazily in my days touch that desire to have a partner. I've never been one to seek a relationship merely to sate these little tugs, that much is obvious by several solitary years so far. I'd rather walk alone than carry on a pretense just to quell the little cries. There are, unfortunately, moments when some of that resolve crumbles. I deeply miss the little physical affections, that much is obvious. When a young woman I've not even spoken to walks behind me at the bar and drags her fingertips across my shoulders my synapses pop and scream in elation.

Naturally letting those little things remain dormant for so long becomes a double edged sword. No entanglements that end up bitterly for either side, but the minuscule longings rise to a fever pitch. But hey, let sleeping dogs lie and enjoy everything else that's running smoothly eh?