kaziklu

recent group readings made me decide to post a bit... and it's been a while.. so ya. meh..

I've had to cut my hair recently.. I've let it grow for a year and now it's ultra short, ready for the military type hair.. I'm going to let grow out a bit and keep it with in regs but it's way too short for who I am now.

I miss kinda having all my piercings and miss being able to sorta play with gender roles a bit sometimes.. I like make-up and have embraced my nature alot in the last few years. I was at Cadets last week and two young kids came in to use the wash room (the little sisters of one of the cadets) and they were all cutely dressed and I came down the hallway as I saw them and sorta pranced for a second as I proclaimed "little ones" and the female cadets saw this traditionally femine display of excitment and laughed in good fun, as they are used to be swinging hips now, and my more femine terminologies for things. I'm happy like that.. I'm happy watching the note book over some ultra violent movie, I'm happy shopping, or cooking.. or doing things generally asigned to girls, I don't mind talking about my feelings, or my day, I don't worry about my sexuality being questioned, and even really enjoy it. I really miss being able to put my hair up in pig tails if I so choose. but I'll get used to it... helping the kids is worth that small scarfice.. and I'm realizing it's ok, it dosen't change me.. but it really does change peoples preception of me.

This week at work these two guys that are vrey juvinial in their behaviour (ie typical sitcom husband) and they say hey sparkles(ya people are calling me sparkles apperently), what you do last weekend, and I respond with I went to see my Girlfriend and we hung out a bit, I then had two very confused ginos, (well one gino and close relative) then literally did a double take.. and said wait you have a girlfriend? (ie wait aren't you gay?) now I didn't take the time to explain I really don't know.. I have this relationship that I adore with this really amazing girl, but I'm not really sure if she is my girlfirend in any real sense, though at the very least in the defacto sense yes I tend to use the term to save air and time. one of these days I'll have to clarify things so that is in fact the correct term. But everything in time, I'm nothing if not impatiently patient

But ya so I've been kinda thinking of gender identiy lately.. and I really do miss having little girls calling me mommy and then realizing their mistake, and saying wait you're not my mommy (that actually happened and it made my day) or having the drunk guy yell hey Elivira come here and I'll give you some colour.. then seeing my big bushy van dyke, and lack of breasts, and realizing their mistake which induces vomiting... I like having my gender mistaken.. I like being a bit afeminate..

just some random thoughts.