kaziklu

This is kinda self loathing filled.. you may not wish to read it.. it's not so great
so Cher is moving on the fifth so I won't have internet or anything like that untill after I move in January.... so I'm going to be fairly lonely and bored for a while.

I miss friends... I used to have people talk to. I moved her thinking that Cherand I would be friends alittle closer like we were in the past so much for that Idea... this year has been totally FUBAR. School has been shot to hell. All the stress from earlier this year had me very close to the edge when I moved here. And then having two cats in a very vocal heat.. and Cher suddenly repeating...her one word answers to me... and completly ignoring my existance. which lead to my evntual breakdown... mixed with add stress after I moved her... I haven't had a violent break down like in a long time. I'm still not even 100% yet. Follow that or precced that with the disapperance of Shannon. and the first three month of the year were three of the worse of my life bar none... that includes my grade nine year in high school. (though it was close)

Then things looked up I started to recover. I met Sue... and started looking for a new job... things looked really good minus the lack of a job. I even started hangingout with Shannon again.

Of course all at once.. Shannon disappeared again, Sue started to toss me aside and ignore me.. and it became obvious I couldn't find a job for some unknown reason.

So I had the idea of starting the store.. which has kept me going for the last 5 months.. and now.. I can't even do that for at least a year and I have to move by the first of January. I have no Job and I'm barely getting by... so basicly I'm fucked badly.

SO it's off to try to find a job... which is going to leave me feeling like shit for a long while... and make this whole period useless.... And I'm left with the same group of friends I had 4 years ago.. ie just mike and a few people I occasionally talk to here and there.. yay me..(just a statement not bait for praise)

However I haven't fallen apart.. though loosing the kitties is hard right now.. I love my kitties.. gonna miss them.
Though I haven't talked to mallory now in over a month and I think I'm just gonna remove her from my journal.. I can't really see any point in her being on it anymore. I've been really bitchy lately... I realize that.. haven't been the most fun to be around.. but shit I tried so hard to maintain a friendship with her after we broke up.. (or I broke up with her) which is always the way it seems.. I try to be friends with people that don't care..

So Lessons learned this year.
You can't trust anyone around you
You can't trust a women to ever be honest with you.
You can't get help from anyone
Friends are a lie and only want to take from you.
If you want to help people they will take advantage of you.

Note this is my ranting.. yes this is all true.. but it's from the most cynical part of me. don't like too fucking bad deal with it and either leave or try to fix the problem. I don't want any "i'm sorry.. or it'll get better comments.. actually better yet.. where is that no comments button ... there it is...