It's getting to the point where I wake up from a very blitzed night and I see new messages of my acceptance into groups on SG and I'm like, "WTF, when did I apply for this?!" But they are always groups I'm interested in just I don't remember applying to them.
Every night I tell myself, "Not tonight Kayla, you don't need to drink. Just pass it up and move on." BUT soon as that fucking beer or drink gets near my hand I can't say no. At least I've managed to control the amount, I don't get drunk just drink it socially. Last night my house was full of liquor and beer and I manged to only have a couple drinks of each and not get plastered. Plus one for me, but negative one for drinking in the first place when I said I wasn't going to. I do the same thing with cigarettes too, it didn't used to be like that! I could say no to a cig and move along, but sheeeet soon as someone says, "Hey want a cig?" Even if I don't my body gets up and smokes it anyways with my mind going, "Hey...yeah I thought we said no on that." So much for not having an addictive personality. I used to pride myself so much on that: being able to stop when I want. Now I can't it's just another party every night, don't get me wrong I love it. I love my friends and they bring the best company ever, but there is a song that says, "It's not a party if it happens every night."
Alright guys, Happy Wednesday. "Oh it's just another Wednesday." *picks up drink*
Download "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap and tell me what you think.
And don't get my wrong, I'm not down or out or anything like that. I'm really happy right now but just noticed a few self realizations.
Every night I tell myself, "Not tonight Kayla, you don't need to drink. Just pass it up and move on." BUT soon as that fucking beer or drink gets near my hand I can't say no. At least I've managed to control the amount, I don't get drunk just drink it socially. Last night my house was full of liquor and beer and I manged to only have a couple drinks of each and not get plastered. Plus one for me, but negative one for drinking in the first place when I said I wasn't going to. I do the same thing with cigarettes too, it didn't used to be like that! I could say no to a cig and move along, but sheeeet soon as someone says, "Hey want a cig?" Even if I don't my body gets up and smokes it anyways with my mind going, "Hey...yeah I thought we said no on that." So much for not having an addictive personality. I used to pride myself so much on that: being able to stop when I want. Now I can't it's just another party every night, don't get me wrong I love it. I love my friends and they bring the best company ever, but there is a song that says, "It's not a party if it happens every night."
Alright guys, Happy Wednesday. "Oh it's just another Wednesday." *picks up drink*
Download "Hide and Seek" by Imogen Heap and tell me what you think.
And don't get my wrong, I'm not down or out or anything like that. I'm really happy right now but just noticed a few self realizations.
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What are your plans for the weekend?
I am realizing a few I did.
All we can do is move on.