kattdavs

I feel like I use this blog to talk about all the shit that I don't want to really talk to with anyone, but still need to air.

I'm aware of the fact that I am all about power and control. A lot of my life, I've felt out of control, and as a result, I try to assert control over those who I'm in a relationship with. I know this, I'm working on it, and I get why it's an issue.

In my current relationship, I've always held the power, always held the control, and it's not healthy, but it made me feel safe. Secure, because I truly held all of the cards.

This all changed on Sunday, where I made a mistake that could have easily been a really, really shitty thing, but ended up strengthening the relationship that I have with my husband. We're more open, we're communicating better, and the air is clear. More importantly, there is a balance between the two of us that hasn't existed for years.

I know it's better, and I know it's healthy, but I can't help feeling that I am teetering on a precipice, and on one side, there's mania, and the other a dark depression. I'm on the verge of crying, but I've got a huge smile on my face. I've never felt so conflicted.