Wednesday Apr 02, 2008

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Confuzzled rant:

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Im totally confuzzled by the fact that I suddenly feel totally okay, as the last two months has been some sort of slow, boring hell. Can depression just disappear like that?

Im sorta annoyed by it, because it makes me feel like I cant do anything about the way I feel. Like it can just hit me again at any moment, and I wouldnt know beforehand, or even realize it happened.
And then Id just have to wait for my body and hormones to give me a good day.

I guess thats a stupid perspective though, I mean I guess theres a reason why it felt bad before, and why it feels okay now.
I mean, I took some time of from life more or less. I gave myself the time to feel all those horrible feelings too.
I gave myself some time to start handling things, and to actually talk about it, and all that.

That makes sence.
Im still scared though, that it will hit me again.
All other frights seem stupid, compared to this. I mean, why should I be afraid of meeting something scary, if I could just handle it. This though, this is about losing controll over yourself, to not have any power to do anything.

Well, I guess once again I should remember what a good friend told me (in swedish, so this is just translated): The important thing is not to never fall, but to rise after every fall. (That doesnt sound like good english, could someone rephrase that for me?)

Anyways, I feel like I have fallen and actually landed in myself again.



Heres a nice lil picture update over what Ive been up to the last few weeks:

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kiss



VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
akira069:
hey! biggrin haha
well, my friend was bored and wanted me to tell her a story so I made one up. I thought it was funny so i posted it here blush I was pretty bored too at the time. things are good here, but it's just that I don't do a whole lot nowadays except work and surf and hang with my friends. I won't be able to travel this year like I wanted 'cause the money is really tight now.
how are you lately? smile

I think batmans dad in batman begins put it best...
"why do we fall, bruce? so we can learn to pick ourselves up." wink
averagebadfriend:
It's not just that I need soda but I do need sugar and I forgot what my illness is called because my memory is not so good with things that I don't think about often and things that happen within the month unless I make a note of it and even at that I may forget I made a note frown sad for me.

I do live any ways and I plan on living for a very long time to come still wink biggrin but that will unfortunately not change my memory but at least my health has improved and I am getting better as I do heal fairly fast,my internal problem will take a long time to fully heal properly and may never fully heal as I don't think I will change my habits of not always taking care of my health but I am not some scum bag ether lol I do stay in shape and I stay away from really bad things so I will be ok...ok enough I guess confused .

I'm sorry that you can relate to me about my feelings like that.

I hate seeing such a thing happen to any animal but that's life I guess frown .There are many squirrels here as there are many places for them to live in large nature parks away from the city areas but some squirrels are city squirrels and enjoy living a wild life with people in the city smile .There are many kinds of squirrels and I only learned of that a few years ago when I was at New York where they have large squirrels that are about as big as a cat and very furry like a cat and they are black instead of brown like the fairly small squirrels that live here smile .Squirrels in the park in town here are usually shy and stay away from people unless they sense that you are not a threat to them but city squirrels here in the big part of the city will actually come over to you and tug on your pants with their mouth open wanting you to feed them biggrin lol it's funny to see but if you actually do feed them than every squirrel in the area will climb all over you wanting food as I found out whatever biggrin hahaha they are cute though so I don't mind them smile .

Thanks as I can rant a lot but I don't rant out of anger or any thing like that,I just have too much to say about every thing I guess blush .

You take care too smile !!

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