katesmash

I want you to understand something about me. When it comes to any form of a relationship whether it be friendship or something more, I am very borderline. There can be no gray areas or I begin to lose my mind. Not that we can't be in a limbo as to whether our friendships, or whatever it currently is grows or withers. Although I think you know which I would prefer. I don't mind if it does or does not develop, that's left totally up to you. But I need to know whether I stand. Silent treatments drive me mad because I don't know what is going on or what it is you're thinking. I need to know that. I need to know whether I should hesitate and linger or whether I should give up, shrug, and move on to something else. My heart wants to linger, believe me, but my head is stronger and constantly attempts to do damage control. My head looks out for my heart.

Your hesitations really confuse me. They frustrate me to no end. I gave up. I gave up mentally. But as I said, my heart was hoping for any sign of life from you. You beat the clock. You made it just in time. I was going to break off- completely resign myself from this situation.

But I saw that shooting star and I wished on it. I did wish for you to be happy. However, I worry that it was a wasted wish.

I don't appreciate your inability to just speak to me concerning issues that bother you. How am I to even try to help, try to ease your mind if I have no real idea as to what is troubling it? You're constantly on my mind, and even admitting to that is hard. I am a proud person. Admitting that someone other than myself has control over my thoughts is something I would rather not do, but I think you need to hear it. I worry where your head is. I dislike the idea of you being alone to your own thoughts when they are gloomy enough to suspend communication.

I don't really know what to say to you when we do talk. It's so strained. I feel like I'll just put my foot in my mouth and so instead of providing some sort of comfort, I say nothing. I don't want to do that. I want to talk to you. I don't want you to retreat even further into yourself for whatever your reasons.

Let me know when you do wish to speak to me again, as freely as you used to. The only way I still have left to communicate with you is through music. Please don't make me turn emo and make you a mixed tape (CD). I'd rather not.