Wednesday Sep 24, 2008

0
Wanna hear something fucked up?

Today is my mothers birthday. So, my father thinking my sister is air headed, bought her a card that she could give to mom. It says, "Happy Birthday, Mom. From the 'good one'." On the inside it says, "Sorry I didn't rub off on the other one. Love you."

That fucking hurts. That really fucking hurts.
It's not like I'm out lying on my back for guys constantly and spreading my legs.
It's not like I'm out shooting up in a grungy alley, giving bjs for coke money.
It's not like I'm out drinking myself into stupors every fucking weekend.

I go to school.
I work.
And I mainly stay inside the house.
I don't go out often, and still, she's apparently the "good one".

It sucks when even your father, who you thought was your greatest ally in the house, lets you know how he really feels about you.

I can't stop crying about it.
I know it's silly. It is.
But, not only did I fight with both my parents today, I have my period.
And I'm extremely emotional, and easily hurt.

Today during my History of Germany class, we were discussing WWI and the weapons used.
Mustard Gas, No mans land, trench foot... And I was almost crying during that class.

Yesterday, I found myself almost crying during fucking commercials.

But, it's not just my having my period that makes me so upset about my father's card.
I don't care if he thought it was funny. It's not. It just plain hurts.
It hurts alot.

I want to get away from my house and my family so badly it aches.
But I will never be able to get the money for it.
I'm already in serious debt. Around -2000.00.
I don't have any friends in Baltimore, the ones I do are pretty much either married or have children.
What have you.

I'm completely alone. And it fucking blows.
Alot. frown

<3 Kate
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
aj_arch:
three words:
New
York
City
emptymouthpiece:
Ummm...Fuck that, and them. I'm not one for home spun advice (I'm more homespun sarcasm) but seriously, you aren't put on this earth to "please" other people, only yourself, and that doesn't promote useless hedonism but if you have a good head on your shoulders which I think you do, it reminds you that you are already your worst critic, so fuck what they think, you spent a lot of time raising yourself in many ways and you did the best you could, why stand around to be measured by their ruler, measure by your own and TELL HIM you are upset over it, and not in a whiny fucking way, just stand up to it as one person to another and tell him it hurt and that it was un-needed. Bottom line, being upfront with people NOT BELLIGERENT, but upfront can often solve a problem long before it gets worse and in a far more simple way than you might think.

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