These are the things that keep me awake at night.... i really want to send this to him.... but i don't know that i should.... anyway... i just needed to get this out...
For Him:
I don't really know what I'm doing...just can't sleep and even though you're far away and we're not really close anymore...i still feel like i could talk to you about anything... I was just thinking about everything, like always.. but the good stuff this time.... when i got back from my spring break in mexico and my mom and I came to pick you up from derek's and just how I was so excited to see you... i just hugged you and was so happy... I wish I could go back to that... when we first started talking in graphics and when i went to your snowball dance with you and then we stayed the night at ryan's and then on the way to holly when you fell asleep with your head on my lap and that's when i fell in love with you.... and after my prom..how we got into a fight and went to bed and i came into your room at my mom's and didn't say a word...just kissed you and then we made love.. and the day when my parents were out of town and we just layed around all day and had sex and watched old movies like chitty chitty bang bang and popeye with robin williams in it. and when we moved to lansing that night you comforted me after we moved in and everyone left and you knew i was going to cry. Or that night during the summer when we walked around Lexington at 5 am and sat down by the harbor and just talked about everything like we always did. Or the night you and Derek were snowboarding down the hill in lexington with Caitlyn and I and you told me I looked beautiful with snow in my hair the day you started calling me your girlfriend and stole the letter a off of the sign while we were walking to dereks house you gave it to me and Im not sure why. But I kept it anyway the day you and ryan showed up at my house at 2 am and scared my dog and we layed In my bed and your stomach hurt so I just rubbed it for you until we fell asleep the next morning when my brother walked in on us making out and how I made him swear he wouldnt tell our parents that you guys had showed up the day we went to warped tour and you were so affectionate all day even though it was a million degrees out how you held me when we watched coheed and cambria. The death cab for cutie concert and how you had your arms around me the entire time that night in the one bedroom apartment when we fell asleep listening to death cab all of the songs you would sing the songs you made up everytime we drove through roseburg I wish I had written them down the stories you made up late at night when you were really tired the crazy pictures you drew that I loved the fact that you were the only person who could ever make me feel beautiful even though I denied it. And how I really wish that I had thanked you instead saying awful things about myself.. how I wish that I had said thank you for the way you influenced my life and everything wonderful that you ever did for me all of the flowers you picked they were just as good as any store bought ones they were better Im sorry that everything ended the way it did Im sorry for crying so often Im sorry for the fighting. Im sorry for not saying sorry enough Im sorry that I didnt say any of this sooner. im not trying to get you back I just cant think about it all anymore I just wanted you to know I will always love you and I will always care about you and that if I could rewind and we could be in graphics class again, goofing off and getting yelled at by ms. Janet for not doing our work I would do thatany day. I hope this doesnt make you madI hope this doesnt make you sad in any way. Its not my intention Ive hurt you enough and I could never apologize enough for that I just wanted to share some of the good I just want you to remember me as this girl not as the awful person I became after we moved and after everything got shitty when you move on and when you make your life please remember that girl instead dont be mad at me for this, please I just want you to be happyfinally these are the memories that make me smile and make me crybut in a good way and I hope that youre finding everything youre looking for and I dont know that I want you to reply to this I just wanted to share the good
For Him:
I don't really know what I'm doing...just can't sleep and even though you're far away and we're not really close anymore...i still feel like i could talk to you about anything... I was just thinking about everything, like always.. but the good stuff this time.... when i got back from my spring break in mexico and my mom and I came to pick you up from derek's and just how I was so excited to see you... i just hugged you and was so happy... I wish I could go back to that... when we first started talking in graphics and when i went to your snowball dance with you and then we stayed the night at ryan's and then on the way to holly when you fell asleep with your head on my lap and that's when i fell in love with you.... and after my prom..how we got into a fight and went to bed and i came into your room at my mom's and didn't say a word...just kissed you and then we made love.. and the day when my parents were out of town and we just layed around all day and had sex and watched old movies like chitty chitty bang bang and popeye with robin williams in it. and when we moved to lansing that night you comforted me after we moved in and everyone left and you knew i was going to cry. Or that night during the summer when we walked around Lexington at 5 am and sat down by the harbor and just talked about everything like we always did. Or the night you and Derek were snowboarding down the hill in lexington with Caitlyn and I and you told me I looked beautiful with snow in my hair the day you started calling me your girlfriend and stole the letter a off of the sign while we were walking to dereks house you gave it to me and Im not sure why. But I kept it anyway the day you and ryan showed up at my house at 2 am and scared my dog and we layed In my bed and your stomach hurt so I just rubbed it for you until we fell asleep the next morning when my brother walked in on us making out and how I made him swear he wouldnt tell our parents that you guys had showed up the day we went to warped tour and you were so affectionate all day even though it was a million degrees out how you held me when we watched coheed and cambria. The death cab for cutie concert and how you had your arms around me the entire time that night in the one bedroom apartment when we fell asleep listening to death cab all of the songs you would sing the songs you made up everytime we drove through roseburg I wish I had written them down the stories you made up late at night when you were really tired the crazy pictures you drew that I loved the fact that you were the only person who could ever make me feel beautiful even though I denied it. And how I really wish that I had thanked you instead saying awful things about myself.. how I wish that I had said thank you for the way you influenced my life and everything wonderful that you ever did for me all of the flowers you picked they were just as good as any store bought ones they were better Im sorry that everything ended the way it did Im sorry for crying so often Im sorry for the fighting. Im sorry for not saying sorry enough Im sorry that I didnt say any of this sooner. im not trying to get you back I just cant think about it all anymore I just wanted you to know I will always love you and I will always care about you and that if I could rewind and we could be in graphics class again, goofing off and getting yelled at by ms. Janet for not doing our work I would do thatany day. I hope this doesnt make you madI hope this doesnt make you sad in any way. Its not my intention Ive hurt you enough and I could never apologize enough for that I just wanted to share some of the good I just want you to remember me as this girl not as the awful person I became after we moved and after everything got shitty when you move on and when you make your life please remember that girl instead dont be mad at me for this, please I just want you to be happyfinally these are the memories that make me smile and make me crybut in a good way and I hope that youre finding everything youre looking for and I dont know that I want you to reply to this I just wanted to share the good
chipdanger:
Aw hun that's beautiful. I bet you make/made him happy with all the good and the bad. he's lucky to have you in his life.