katarzyna

Ash St.

He says I'm your friend, but he means open your legs
She falls for it every time and every time she begs
For the pain that will befall her, once the lies have been swallowed down
Once the lights have been turned on and she's been turned out

She walks from the room and washes off the mess
She smokes her cigarette, wipes the white stain from her dress
She stares in the mirror at red rimmed eyes
He smiles, and walks her out the door without one last caress

He says that he'd love to love her if he could
She loves being his slave, just like he knew she would
She dries her tears on the long road home
She pretends she's a person inside, just like she knows she should

She loves to be his on-call whore
She drives through the night because he wants more
She knows it's not love but she wants it to be
She knows it's just heartache in store


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6 Years and Counting.....

Naivety isn't the core
It is knowledge that led me to this door
And the dim lit room where the indie music plays
The same soft surroundings I've seen before

I hear 'Either Way' and I shut my eyes
Swallow my intelligence down with the swallowed lies
Leaning against you, I wallow in the familiar smell
I breathe in you, and become a fly
On the wall

Once I believed in the lie of you
Now I know they're lies, so what's my excuse
When I find myself longing and pained by jealousy
Coveting what has never belonged to me
My muse


When I cut my wrists they bleed your name
When I sing the words, it's not the same
Your aggressive touch and feigned bashful grin
I know I shouldn't come back again
I've know it for years but, you are my bane
It's in vain

My blood runs dry
It's never been love, I sigh
Your short trysts give me a high
Living in a pipe dream, living a lie

My eyes burn because the tears won't come
Curled naked on the floor, what have I become
My brain battles where it's caged
My emotions overridden by pained rage
I come

You are pale white and lapis blue
A song played off key, but a beautiful tune
A liar, a thief that knew too soon
The hurt that you could make me do
It's so easy for you

I invite you to pour salt in my wounds while smiling to my face
I give you the string to unravel my thread, a disgrace
You pull it at will, and I keep stitching it back
I will never belong in this place

I was startled by the strength and the attraction that pulled me
The gravity goes out and I know it's just pity
You're sad deep inside but, have such a way with words
That mine come out without thought
I will not

Pathetically I've dangled on the hook for so long
Jumped back and forth, overlooked right for wrong
Don't keep me here, the air goes out of my lungs
Skin me, leave me, I can't keep this going on

You reel me in, a guppy begging to be eaten by the shark
Again and again, you've left your mark
I shut down, I drown it with chemicals and drinks
Anything that gives me an excuse not to think

I am addicted to your masochism
Lash me with your eyes, lash me with your tongue
Bruise me with the hopes I really want
Stabbed me with the void inside your heart
Hang me by your web of lies
Then send me off to sing lullabies

It's over, but don't worry it won't be forever
Your mind oozes conceit and selfish splendor
Use me up until I've served my purpose
And then come back and get more later

I block you out but think of you daily
You extend your hand every so often yet, still leaving me flailing
You make me feel wanted, then insult me, a whore
What else is in store
Why do await the next coming to this door
To the same clean smell, same dim light, same sweet sounds as before

Discontentment has always been my downfall