Heres some feels.

10

So im currently sitting here quite high,
Scrolling through the website and seeing everyones lovely and positive comments to each other, and how beautiful you all look

And just wishing i could join in and be apart of your world

Ive hit quite possibly my lowest point with my mental health recently
(well atleast since 15)
And due to now being jobless
Its ever slowly declining
Feeling like i have no purpose
Ive spent the last 3 days literally sleeping and crying and contemplating things
I havent even considered in years

I feel like i should apologise,
Apologise that i cant be an extrovert right now,
That im struggling with the concept of how many of you there are,
And starting to feel like im getting into a popularity contest i cant win,
Let alone try to be apart of.

Im starting to question why im writting this,
And if im going to come across ungrateful.

But honestly,
some of you are so lovely,
some i talk to on a regular basis,
some that actually just, took the time, to introduce themselves and chat to me at the 2015 SG Ball
(you know who you babes are<3)
even some of you that just followed me back on instagram,
and id love to be active enough for you guys to get to know the real me.

my debut set comes out in 2 weeks
and ive made it my mission to pull myself out of this rut by then
im trying guys
im sorry if its not good enough
i will, make up for it
also much love if you actually even spent the time to read this
xx Kat

VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
anth:
Your set is beautiful and you definitely deserve to be here on SG. I hope you're feeling better since you wrote this. Out of curiosity what kind of job are you interested in?
egore:
Seeing your set today is the first time that I've run into you on SG.  Your set was amazing!  Not only does it deserve to be here, but I would rank it among my absolute favorites.  I have a feeling I'm not the only one who thinks that.  As for being in a rut, I know what that's like, from personal experience to watching people I love go through them as well.  The rut will come to an end.  It's hard to say when, because every situation is different.  But they do end.  Don't judge your purpose in life by what you do for work.  I don't underestimate how much a good job can help someone get out of a rut.  It does make us feel like we contribute in some way, and that's important for self esteem.  But every day, we are given opportunities to make an impact on the lives of others.  It can be as small as helping an elderly person with their grocery bags, or providing a foster home for a rescue animal.  The little selfless acts we perform impact others in a positive way, and often have ripple effects that we never see.  As an added bonus, they help our self esteem as well.  As for work, I think you have a great future ahead of you.  You're very articulate, both written and verbal (your posted video).  Those qualities put you ahead of so many others in the work force.  It also helps tremendously in interviews.  We're our own worse critics, and as long as you don't stand in your own way, I think you can be successful in whatever you set out to do.  :)

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