And...to continue w/my ever-expanding "I'm thinky when I'm sick blog"...My friend just emailed me a link to an article about this dude I went out w/ for, like, 2 seconds who happens to be semi-famous (well, his band is, anyway...even though most people over the age of 15 hate them and CONSTANTLY pick on me for seeing the "genius" in their music...). Apparently he got in a fight w/some boy band dude at a party I was supposed to go to but bailed on due to other (more important, imo) obligations...WHAT A FREAKIN' DORK...I have seen his personality/spirituality/inner beauty/whatever steadily decline as his star has risen (which is why i was only w/him for 2 secs...but stayed his friend...Let the golddiggers fight over him...I dont care about that bullshit...I don't waste my time fucking around w/people who don't have an inner beauty I admire). It does make me sad, though, b/c he has gotten more and more into drugs and shit (I'm relatively sure he was fucked up when he beat up the BB douche...Just a hunch... 
), and the guy he was when he first started becoming "known" is pretty much non-existent these days...It makes me so sad...i wish I could help him see that fame and retarded amounts of $$ and pussy aren't worth selling your soul for (I KNOW he's not happy...He calls me in the middle of the night sometimes all fucked up and crying about how he wants to change things around but he doesn't know how...Every time i think I get through to him, he just goes back to the same old shit...He is very afraid of losing his "fame", so he acts the way he thinks people expect him to so he can stay in the public eye...Why can't he see that all of this Hollywood crap is just an illusion, and that NONE of it really matters? If you're not REALLY happy, why not just pull back a little? Why keep pushing yourself to be more and more famous? Who are you trying to prove yourself to? 
)
I used to think like he does...My dream in life was to become the girl in Poison's "Fallen Angel" ("such a good actress, hiding all the pain/trading in memories for fortune and fame")...But, the more I saw of the "Hollywood life", the more I realized what complete and utter bullshit it all is...I still want to make my living as an entertainer, but it's no longer b/c I feel I have something to PROVE to the world, but rather, b/c I feel I have something to SHARE w/it...Big, big difference...And it keeps me from falling into a lot of the traps that i see the people around me getting tangled up in...I just wish I could do more to help J. (and the countless other people I know like him) see that they don't have to live for the approval/admiration of countless strangers to know they are worthwhile...***sigh*** I am sooooooooo done being thinky for the day, btw...Thanks for putting up w/my random musings...I hope you are all having an amazing (and non-sickified, non-thinky) weekend ::hugs::
***************************************************
I completely forgot I was supposed to work at Adultcon this weekend. I suck. Dammit. But I'll be at the one in Vegas next month...If anybody else is going, let me know...Or at least stop by my booth and say "Hi, Ravyn/Zen/Kasey/Whatever...You rock hardcore just like Daredevil and Jeff Gordon...Yee haww!!!" That will make me smiley, and I'll give you a big happy hug!!! 
And, one more quotey thing...I've been meditating on this one a lot lately...It pretty much sums up how I live my life, I'd say (for better or worse)
"Faith means living with uncertainty - feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark..."
I am ALWAYS "feeling my way through life"...I never know what's going on from one day to the next...Where I'm going, who I'll meet...What "crazy" (defined as: outside of most people's idea of "normal", which I just see as boring and conformist) shit I'll do...It's REALLY scary sometimes...but in a good way, y'know? Like a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novel...only you can't cheat and check the ending out b/f you make choices (which is what I ALWAYS do when I read CYOA books...I suck that way!!!...You have to just follow your heart and hope everything turns out right...And when it does, it's amazing!!! But when it doesn't...well, that's when you grow and learn the most, so, really you win either way you look at it...
Oy...I get waaaaaaaaay too thinky when I'm sick...Off to veg and watch FMA now...Yay!
***************************************************
And one more lil' ol' update thingy just to make sure I've written the longest single journal entry in the history of this site (hehe)...
zhe shi wei you ren wo mu.
wo jiu wang ta du zhi.
"Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."
-- Buddha.
"You can't do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late."
-- Emerson.
"I'm glad that you too make mistakes. It shows the essence of your humanity much more than any of your daily good deeds. I admire you so much more for it than if you were an ideal, yet cold and inhuman person whose judgement never failed."
-- FH.
"Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on."
-- Alice Miller.
"We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions."
-- Ian Percy.
"I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one."
-- Henry Ward Beecher.
"In your association with others, put yourself in their place. Enter into their feelings, their difficulties, their disappointments, their joys and their sorrows. Identify yourself with them, and then do to them as, were you to exchange places with them, you would wish them to deal with you."
-- Unknown.
"I fought the law and the law won."
--Fuck if I know...but it's damn catchy!!
ye jiu shi dou. an le
***************************************************
Very heartbreaking quick update:
Earthquake In Asia Kills Thousands.
As in, tens of thousands...Practically a gajillion!! Seriously. How is it even possible that one minute all those people were going about their normal everyday business, and the next...BAM! Total destruction. It's insane...And it's why you can't take ANYTHING in this world too seriously...My heart is over there right now...I wish I could be, too...To help...Any way I possibly could.... ::sigh::
***************************************************
A (substantially) happier quick update: The ever-so-lovely Sky has an interesting question on her page...She asks: "If you could date any fictional character, who would it be?" Her answer is Lloyd Dobler (you know...the totally dreamy boom box holding dude in "Say Anything")...Mine is Clark Kent/Superman (if you know me even a little bit, that answer won't surprise you!!)...I'd take any incarnation of Supes (um...except George Reeves, thank you very much), but my fave is the Tom Welling version...***sighs dreamily while drooling over/posting her fave TW pic*** Mmmmmmmmmm...Yummy Clark Kent-ness...Rawwwwwwwr!!!
Shut up, Chris Reeves fans!!! (I can hear you arguing from here!!) I have absolutely nothing but the utmost respect for the late Mr. Reeves ***moment of silence***,but I think TW is fucking hot and I love him so he is my favorite actor to take on that role so far...If you disagree, you are WRONG (tee hee) and I send a big ol' wet ***pfffft***!! your way...HA!! 
Anyway...Out of curiosity, what fictional character would you guys want to date (and I mean ACTUALLY DATE, not just fuck around with, btw)...Extra points if you say Elektra and/or Wonder Woman and actually mean it...hehe.
Returning you now to my original puking pumpkins and exploding pythons journal entry...Enjoy!!
***************************************************
GOOD NEWS!!! I'm totally sick!!! Yay!!!
Don't get me wrong...Being sick ain't fun...But at least I have an excuse for not being able to "bounce back" uber-quickly from the asshole-ness I encountered at yesterday's shoot...I was wondering why I let all that shit get to me so much...Normally I can just shake meanness off and do my work like a pro...But yesterday I couldn't even fake my way through it, and I felt like a total loser-y ass loser. But, now I have a total excuse...It was b/c I was getting sick!! Hooray for convenient excuses!!! Now I can tell myself that I don't suck quite as much as I thought I did!!! Yipppppppeeeeeeeee!!
Thank you guys very much for your sweet comments and messages...You're awesome!!...Well, except for you, Mr. Plissken..."Go play Halo naked"?!! What kind of crappy-assed advice is that?!!! As if I would ever participate in such a vulgar passtime!!!
See? I only play Halo topless...Anything else would be uncivilized!!!
BTW: I'm supposed to do my hospice duties today, but I'm unsure if I'm supposed to go when I'm sick...After all, the definition of a hospice patient is somebody who has 6 months or less to live...I'd hate to do anything to inadvertently speed that process up!!
But, I was out-of-town last weekend, so I'd hate to miss out on seeing my patients again...And, after all, I'm not THAT sick...I probably just ate a few too many roasted pumpkin seeds last night or something...
(yes, yes I do have a pumpkin for a head...Did I forget to mention that or something?)
I'll figure it out...Wish me much luck w/not infecting any unsuspecting hospice patients w/my pumpkin-headed sick germs, please? (tee hee!)
I hope you are all having the most beautious of weekends, and I shall talk to you very soon...If I feel like it...And if you don't piss me off or talk shit about DD or Jeff Gordon or anything else super important like that!!! ::hugs!!:: 
PS- Pythons are idiots.
), and the guy he was when he first started becoming "known" is pretty much non-existent these days...It makes me so sad...i wish I could help him see that fame and retarded amounts of $$ and pussy aren't worth selling your soul for (I KNOW he's not happy...He calls me in the middle of the night sometimes all fucked up and crying about how he wants to change things around but he doesn't know how...Every time i think I get through to him, he just goes back to the same old shit...He is very afraid of losing his "fame", so he acts the way he thinks people expect him to so he can stay in the public eye...Why can't he see that all of this Hollywood crap is just an illusion, and that NONE of it really matters? If you're not REALLY happy, why not just pull back a little? Why keep pushing yourself to be more and more famous? Who are you trying to prove yourself to? )
I used to think like he does...My dream in life was to become the girl in Poison's "Fallen Angel" ("such a good actress, hiding all the pain/trading in memories for fortune and fame")...But, the more I saw of the "Hollywood life", the more I realized what complete and utter bullshit it all is...I still want to make my living as an entertainer, but it's no longer b/c I feel I have something to PROVE to the world, but rather, b/c I feel I have something to SHARE w/it...Big, big difference...And it keeps me from falling into a lot of the traps that i see the people around me getting tangled up in...I just wish I could do more to help J. (and the countless other people I know like him) see that they don't have to live for the approval/admiration of countless strangers to know they are worthwhile...***sigh*** I am sooooooooo done being thinky for the day, btw...Thanks for putting up w/my random musings...I hope you are all having an amazing (and non-sickified, non-thinky) weekend ::hugs::
***************************************************
I completely forgot I was supposed to work at Adultcon this weekend. I suck. Dammit.
But I'll be at the one in Vegas next month...If anybody else is going, let me know...Or at least stop by my booth and say "Hi, Ravyn/Zen/Kasey/Whatever...You rock hardcore just like Daredevil and Jeff Gordon...Yee haww!!!" That will make me smiley, and I'll give you a big happy hug!!!
And, one more quotey thing...I've been meditating on this one a lot lately...It pretty much sums up how I live my life, I'd say (for better or worse
)
"Faith means living with uncertainty - feeling your way through life, letting your heart guide you like a lantern in the dark..."
I am ALWAYS "feeling my way through life"...I never know what's going on from one day to the next...Where I'm going, who I'll meet...What "crazy" (defined as: outside of most people's idea of "normal", which I just see as boring and conformist) shit I'll do...It's REALLY scary sometimes...but in a good way, y'know? Like a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure novel...only you can't cheat and check the ending out b/f you make choices (which is what I ALWAYS do when I read CYOA books...I suck that way!!!
...You have to just follow your heart and hope everything turns out right...And when it does, it's amazing!!! But when it doesn't...well, that's when you grow and learn the most, so, really you win either way you look at it...
Oy...I get waaaaaaaaay too thinky when I'm sick...Off to veg and watch FMA now...Yay!
***************************************************
And one more lil' ol' update thingy just to make sure I've written the longest single journal entry in the history of this site (hehe
)...
zhe shi wei you ren wo mu.
wo jiu wang ta du zhi.
"Words have the power to both destroy and heal. When words are both true and kind, they can change our world."
-- Buddha.
"You can't do a kindness too soon because you never know how soon it will be too late."
-- Emerson.
"I'm glad that you too make mistakes. It shows the essence of your humanity much more than any of your daily good deeds. I admire you so much more for it than if you were an ideal, yet cold and inhuman person whose judgement never failed."
-- FH.
"Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on."
-- Alice Miller.
"We judge others by their behavior. We judge ourselves by our intentions."
-- Ian Percy.
"I can forgive, but I cannot forget, is only another way of saying, I will not forgive. Forgiveness ought to be like a cancelled note - torn in two, and burned up, so that it never can be shown against one."
-- Henry Ward Beecher.
"In your association with others, put yourself in their place. Enter into their feelings, their difficulties, their disappointments, their joys and their sorrows. Identify yourself with them, and then do to them as, were you to exchange places with them, you would wish them to deal with you."
-- Unknown.
"I fought the law and the law won."
--Fuck if I know...but it's damn catchy!!
ye jiu shi dou. an le
***************************************************
Very heartbreaking quick update:
Earthquake In Asia Kills Thousands.
As in, tens of thousands...Practically a gajillion!! Seriously.
How is it even possible that one minute all those people were going about their normal everyday business, and the next...BAM! Total destruction. It's insane...And it's why you can't take ANYTHING in this world too seriously...My heart is over there right now...I wish I could be, too...To help...Any way I possibly could.... ::sigh::
***************************************************
A (substantially) happier quick update: The ever-so-lovely Sky has an interesting question on her page...She asks: "If you could date any fictional character, who would it be?" Her answer is Lloyd Dobler (you know...the totally dreamy boom box holding dude in "Say Anything")...Mine is Clark Kent/Superman (if you know me even a little bit, that answer won't surprise you!!
)...I'd take any incarnation of Supes (um...except George Reeves, thank you very much), but my fave is the Tom Welling version...***sighs dreamily while drooling over/posting her fave TW pic*** Mmmmmmmmmm...Yummy Clark Kent-ness...Rawwwwwwwr!!!
Shut up, Chris Reeves fans!!! (I can hear you arguing from here!!
) I have absolutely nothing but the utmost respect for the late Mr. Reeves ***moment of silence***,but I think TW is fucking hot and I love him so he is my favorite actor to take on that role so far...If you disagree, you are WRONG (tee hee) and I send a big ol' wet ***pfffft***!! your way...HA!!
Anyway...Out of curiosity, what fictional character would you guys want to date (and I mean ACTUALLY DATE, not just fuck around with, btw)...Extra points if you say Elektra and/or Wonder Woman and actually mean it...hehe.
Returning you now to my original puking pumpkins and exploding pythons journal entry...Enjoy!!
***************************************************
GOOD NEWS!!! I'm totally sick!!! Yay!!!
Don't get me wrong...Being sick ain't fun...But at least I have an excuse for not being able to "bounce back" uber-quickly from the asshole-ness I encountered at yesterday's shoot...I was wondering why I let all that shit get to me so much...Normally I can just shake meanness off and do my work like a pro...But yesterday I couldn't even fake my way through it, and I felt like a total loser-y ass loser.
But, now I have a total excuse...It was b/c I was getting sick!! Hooray for convenient excuses!!! Now I can tell myself that I don't suck quite as much as I thought I did!!! Yipppppppeeeeeeeee!!
Thank you guys very much for your sweet comments and messages...You're awesome!!
...Well, except for you, Mr. Plissken..."Go play Halo naked"?!! What kind of crappy-assed advice is that?!!! As if I would ever participate in such a vulgar passtime!!!
See? I only play Halo topless...Anything else would be uncivilized!!!
BTW: I'm supposed to do my hospice duties today, but I'm unsure if I'm supposed to go when I'm sick...After all, the definition of a hospice patient is somebody who has 6 months or less to live...I'd hate to do anything to inadvertently speed that process up!!
But, I was out-of-town last weekend, so I'd hate to miss out on seeing my patients again...And, after all, I'm not THAT sick...I probably just ate a few too many roasted pumpkin seeds last night or something...
(yes, yes I do have a pumpkin for a head...Did I forget to mention that or something?
)
I'll figure it out...Wish me much luck w/not infecting any unsuspecting hospice patients w/my pumpkin-headed sick germs, please? (tee hee!
)
I hope you are all having the most beautious of weekends, and I shall talk to you very soon...If I feel like it...And if you don't piss me off or talk shit about DD or Jeff Gordon or anything else super important like that!!!
::hugs!!::
PS- Pythons are idiots.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
plissken77:
You were going to work at that!!!! Man im going to vegas if it means I can get a hug. Your last entry was really pretty by the way. Well said my lady, well said. And I hope you feel better. Im feeling crappy myself, must be somethng in the air. If you need some soup or whatever let me know.
kreatinkaos:
I need to buy some pumpkins to carve