karenishra2

So this will be my last post until i can afford this site again. Hope to see you all again.

I hate losing important people in my world. And I don't even know if i'll actually see her again. The last day we spent with each other i gave her all the strength i could muster to help her get through this. And now i feel so drained. I don't want her to leave. We'll see how things go. I have to suck it up...
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"I can't believe I've fallen down to my knees
They've got me begging me "Please, there has to be another way"
My broken chest, it hurts, it won't let me breathe,
I'm staring down at my wrists, you know I have to insist

That you talk to me
Why won't you talk to me

When did I want to be lonely
When did I want...
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fuck. fuck. Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!!!!!

i'm a thrice cursed idiot of a man who can't seem to avoid danger when it stares him in the face. I want to ravage my arm into a bloody mess and i have no one to blame but me for it. Fuck this mess. I don't want it. But i can't seem to walk away from it now.

i give up. i'm done thinking there's a happy ending out there for me.

so after the events of the last week, i've decided its time to make a big change in my world. I want to move. I think that oregon could be a likely candidate. I should probably make a plan though. I don't really do spur of the moment. It makes for much drama, when i do that.

Bored. Bored. Bored. Have I mentioned bored yet?

Roomies are out of town and I am off work. Not generally a bad thing. but for some reason nothing seems to be entertaining me today. I was productive though. I cleaned(kinda) and I made a cross for a friend that's going through some tough times. I should have gotten a picture of that. I can get...
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OK, so it's been a bit. Things are going good with Little Tree. I don't get to see her as often as I would like and for not nearly long enough. But it's all good. Except for one thing. I'm still thinking about her. I don't know why either. In almost every way LT is better than her. But I can't shake it. It's stupid....
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BLAH!!
So Saturday didn't go as well as i wanted. The dinner was excellent, i say that mostly cause I cooked it. But there was just no click. She's a great women, but I don't think there is a connection there. I might give it one more date just to be sure, she might need a little time to warm up. I don't now. But...
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note: Unisom still causes grogginess.

So today started out kinda shitty. But after work, I talked to my best buddy and got myself straightened out. At least for now. I got to the point again where i can say that the past is just that, the past. And I finally cut the last few connections I have with that past. I closed down my LJ account and deleted even her...
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