when did i become this sad shadow of my former self. i cant even find joy most days. im not even sure why im writing this except im home alone and my wife is gone all day again and im so lonely i dont want to be alive. that about sums it up. at least i have school in a couple of days, thats something to look forward too. theres not much in my life that i look forward to anymore. i used to look forward to seeing jocelyn, but that dosnt hapen anymore and when it does she's mostly just hostile to me. i really hate my life. i wish i could afford more tattoo's cause at least some pain might hide the way i feel inside for at least a little while. ive been torn down so low, i now my empathy has been greatly comprimised. mostly i just feel sad and i cant feel for others. logicly i understand others but i just cant make myself care anymore. i was so devoted to her. woman say they want a man who is devoted to them but its bullshit. they say they want a sensitive guy who cares about there emotions, thats bullshit too. woman are bullshit. i grew up hearing how men were dogs and thought to myself that i would never be like that. ive always been loyal. ive never had a woman who was loyal to me. not a single person i had ever been with. whats wrong with me? i wish i wasnt alone 