kalleigh

so its friday and its just me at work again
and i have accomplished nothing.
i suck.
i just feel so unmotivated today.

my best friend and i are going out to a movie tonight
Pan's Labyrinth
and i have been absolutely dying to see it
so i cant wait until today is over lol.
thats such a terrible thing to say cause i love my job
i really do
i mean what other job
lets you take off whatever days u need with like no notice at all
and make up the hours whenever u feel like it or at home
and lets u make your own hours
come and go as you please?!?
and has an awesome and very different group of people to work with.
it totally rocks.
plus i get to go deliver an amp to Hyde Street Studios
to their mastering engineer this weekend
which im totally jazzed about
cause all kinds of amazing things have been recorded there.

i realized the other day
when i was at spencer's gifts
and they had out all their sexy costumes
and naughty stuff
for valentines day
that this is probably the first time in over 3 or 4 years that i havent had anyone to dress up for.
i mean i rarely have serious boyfriends and such things
but i've always had a crush or a friend with benefits or something
and i dont mean just for valentines day either
but just in general.
i dont have anyone to be all sexy for
or to chill with and go do stuff with.
its kind of weird.
i admit i need some "me" time
to sort out all the bullshit that's been going on guy wise over the past few months
and to be perfectly honest i've been very proud of myself lately.

i havent always treated myself with the amount of respect i deserve
and have given too much of myself to so many people who dont deserve it.
and i know that at times i would say and do things because im too much of a people pleaser
and wanted praise from people i know would give it to me
but lately ive been standing up for myself.

a guy ive been friends with benefits with for like three and a half years now (on and off)
is a prime example of this.
he ditched me on thanksgiving after we'd made plans almost a week in advance
because he wanted to go to a party
i was pretty pissed off that our plans were something he could just throw away
and not only that but if i hadnt contacted him to let him know i was going to be there later than i expected
i doubt he wouldve said anything to me at all.
well i left the ball in his court about hanging out
(which is something i usually suck at)
and after a week's silence
i asked what the hell was wrong
we'd always been open and honest with each other
its what's kept us friends for so long
i gave him the chance to come clean if he was seeing anyone else
and he insisted he wasnt
well a few weeks after that he tried to play the knight in shining armor
when i was having a bad day and invited me over
there was another guy i was seriously crushing on at the time
and i knew if i went over there we'd have sex and i would risk ruining the friendship and possible relationship with this other guy
so i opted out.
but after a day of laying around my house by myself pretty miserable i changed my mind
well when i got there i went to set my stuff in his room (like i always do)
and i had brought pjs, cause thats usually my silent way of telling him "hey its that time of the month we cant do anything", even though it wasnt, but just to make sure nothing i would regret was going to happen
and he kinda ended up rushing down the hallway after me
as i walked into the room i looked at his big california king bed
and noticed that the sheets were pulled back on both sides
someone else had slept in his bed with him the night before
it made me feel sick to my stomach
i didnt want to sleep in last nights "love juice"
and it meant he'd lied to me
for no reason
i decided to kind of see how the night played out and maybe just bail later if it got worse
so i went out and watched CSI while he made brownies
(which id brought the pan and some of the ingredients for)
and he proceeds to stand in the doorway looking at me
while he calls another girl!
then he went out into the garage when he noticed that i noticed what he was doing
and after a good 10-15 minutes out there
i was done.
i walked into his room
grabbed me stuff
and walked right out the front door.
didnt say goodbye
nothing.
just left
he tried to call about 5 minutes later when he noticed i was gone
but i didnt answer
i came home deleted him off my friends lists and blocked him
i was just done.
you might think that was too rash
but he didnt deserve another chance.
i gave him the option to be honest
and he chose to lie
i stood up for myself for once and im very happy with my decision
and i have followed the example ive set for myself since then
im not taking anyone's crap anymore
you stand me up, you lie to me, you lead me on, its over. its done. you lost your chance.

*does a little dance* go me.

ok sorry that was like the longest rant ever.

i should work now.



everyone have a great friday and an awesome weekend.

**EDIT: PS i left PSW today. too much drama. ive got enough drama in my own life. PSW is supposed to be fun and helpful not fighting and arguing.