This could have been the longest post in the world, but it wont be.
Im not in the mood.
Last night, over wine and mealworms, I was confronted with the opinion held by several of my friends that Im hunting for love. Theyre not the first to say it, either; over the past few weeks, the same thing has been said by everyone from close friends to near-strangers.
Okay.
At this point, love is the last thing I want. I totally understand where my wingmen are coming from; Ive been searching (and being very vocal about it) for a place to rest and stop fighting for a long time. Ive been lost for a bit, and searching for an island. For a long time I looked for that in a person, a partner, a lover. But the boy that was looking for that island drowned, finally. And thats the best thing that ever could have happened to him, or to me.
Im not looking for someone to carry my shadow. I want to carry it myself.
Im kicking the drowning boy habit, and remembering how much fun it is to swim.
The thing is, I dont like relationships; I never have. I cant even explain how I stumbled into my last one, clusterfuck that it was. Most of the time, I see relationships as the interaction of two people (sometimes working together, sometimes in conflict) trying to make square pegs fit into a round hole, using toolboxes that only hold hammers. To me, the ability to keep a relationship working is all about how much youre willing to compromise, and I just frickin hate compromise.
One of my friends arguments was that since Im a Romantic, I must be looking for a specific person to fall in love with; hearts and flowers, puppies and sunshine, and all that.
Sorry Charlie.
Being a romantic is a way of manifesting sublimity in a world that rarely offers it; its the only way I can imagine fighting reality without being its victim, to skip Nietzsches little axiom about fighting wit dragons. Thats why I romance strangers; because its shocking, and breaks the rules. Its why Ill go completely over the top and travel four hundred miles to have dinner with someone I met a week before. Its why I have a thing about black leather roses and haikus.
Im a romantic because its the most beautiful way to fight a war I can imagine.
Im not in the mood.
Last night, over wine and mealworms, I was confronted with the opinion held by several of my friends that Im hunting for love. Theyre not the first to say it, either; over the past few weeks, the same thing has been said by everyone from close friends to near-strangers.
Okay.
At this point, love is the last thing I want. I totally understand where my wingmen are coming from; Ive been searching (and being very vocal about it) for a place to rest and stop fighting for a long time. Ive been lost for a bit, and searching for an island. For a long time I looked for that in a person, a partner, a lover. But the boy that was looking for that island drowned, finally. And thats the best thing that ever could have happened to him, or to me.
Im not looking for someone to carry my shadow. I want to carry it myself.
Im kicking the drowning boy habit, and remembering how much fun it is to swim.
The thing is, I dont like relationships; I never have. I cant even explain how I stumbled into my last one, clusterfuck that it was. Most of the time, I see relationships as the interaction of two people (sometimes working together, sometimes in conflict) trying to make square pegs fit into a round hole, using toolboxes that only hold hammers. To me, the ability to keep a relationship working is all about how much youre willing to compromise, and I just frickin hate compromise.
One of my friends arguments was that since Im a Romantic, I must be looking for a specific person to fall in love with; hearts and flowers, puppies and sunshine, and all that.
Sorry Charlie.
Being a romantic is a way of manifesting sublimity in a world that rarely offers it; its the only way I can imagine fighting reality without being its victim, to skip Nietzsches little axiom about fighting wit dragons. Thats why I romance strangers; because its shocking, and breaks the rules. Its why Ill go completely over the top and travel four hundred miles to have dinner with someone I met a week before. Its why I have a thing about black leather roses and haikus.
Im a romantic because its the most beautiful way to fight a war I can imagine.
nixon:
You really don't spend much time around here,do ya? Up at the top of the page? The HOT PINK tab, the one that says 'DVD" on it? Yeah, that thing.