kaitlin

I hate disappointing my friends but I can't constantly go out every fucking night. I'm not some robot, I get tired. There are times when I need a break from the shows and I need a break from staying out until 4 in the morning and then closing at shoprite that same day. This is why I get stones, I wear myself out. I get dehydrated and smoke cigarrette after cigarrette because I get so nervous about meeting all kinds of new people. I really don't want people to look at me like I'm some fragile being because I'm not. I've been through more shit than all my friends combined but I never complain. I am usually the only one trying to find the bright side of things.

I really love my life but something has got to give. I need to travel more and be more independant. I like to do stuff by myself and have my alone time but according to some people(my mom, my aunt..) that's not healthy. Not healthy? I'm not locking myself in my room and snorting coke all day! I need to learn how to meet new people without the help of friends and I am sick of being known for who I am friends with. It gets suffocating.

I'm at the point where I am praying that I get fired. I shouldn't have to quit and be fucked with money. If I were to get fired i can get unemployment for a little bit and have time to think things through. I feel like I've been running for the past year and it sucks. It's a miserable existance. I get treated like shit by these people. For what? Fucking 8 bucks an hour. I can do better.