I'm taking into consideration the utter incompetence of my workplace. We've been out of work since September with the vague idea that we will be hired back within 3 weeks notice. I have been out of work for over a month now with needless complications dealt by the unemployment office. The massive amounts of paperwork that I receive just for being placed on Standby is enormous. Secondary, them stating that I was a part-time employee and was not placed on Standby just makes my unemployment even better. Now i know this isn't true due to the fact that I work 80 hours plus every 2 weeks. I know this to be untrue also because of the fact that i'm under medical and dental, which for this company a part-timer doesn't receive. Now today we were told that we were going to go back to work, only to soon realize that once again, they're holding the project back for another week or two based upon the materials. Now, I for one have been patient while material providers and other companies have been holding my bosses hands. As well as shaking it twice for them and guilt-free wiping their asses. But the constant standstill in the construction field is just murder. I repeat, murder (Pron: M-er-Der)
In other aspects in life, I'm starting to realize things. One, i'm getting old.....Not so much on the physical side of things but the emotional and the mental. I've matured; like horribly fine wine, I'm old. I look at my two older sisters and I still see them partying like it's '1999' and in some way I envy them. In another way I despise them. I've realized why I despise them as well. But in a rundown, I shall make this interesting.
-Maka/ Lynette-
I don't like her because she's a tool, never was strong, not for her and certainly not for her children. I despise her because of all the shit that she should be doing that is considered responsible, she's partying. Sure she just left her husband, but she landed right into the arms of another piece of white-trash. I despise her because she brought 3 children into this world and she never spoke up for them. Hell, she never spoke up for me while my aunt was throwing shit at me. She sits there, like a bump on a log and just soaks in life, but never guards what is important to her. She never fights for who she loves and for those who love her back, she just seems to blindly steer her ship into the rocks.
-Becca/Becki-
Now, this one is going to be a long one. This is my older sister, by only a year and 3 months. Now, i despise her for the various and following reasons. She never liked me as a child and even pretended to like me so she could somehow earn my respect. She always competed with me over something like grades and would brag endlessly to my father (Who at the time loved her.) She's slow-witted, incompetent, made fun of me all my life over the things I loved. Then magically since she entered college she loves Wow, she loves D&D and OMG she loves speaking all the languages I speak. She parties like there's no tomorrow and then does stupid shit like make out with my friends. MY FRIENDS, not hers, mine! I hate her, I've always hated her. I've always spent my life in her shadow as "Becki's sister." and to this point in time, I'm sick and tired of it. I went to a new school, got new friends went to a place where NO ONE ever heard of Becki and now that they go to college it's. Becki this, Becki that, oh you're Becki's sister. No i'm not Becki's sister my name is AMANDA, it's fucking Amanda, not Becki's sister. It's not "You look like Becki, you act like Becki you practically ARE Becki." No bullshit. I am not her, I am not her! I have a job, I can support myself, I'm capable of having a relationship with someone that isn't based upon sex and drinking. I have morals, and fucking prospects that I want to achieve. Not lounge around on my 'dying' grandmothers couch and suck up all of her food and money. I am willing to work my hands to the bone to get what I deserve, and I deserve a little more respect then what my 'friends' entitle to you.
Now to somehow cure this ailment that has come over me and my so called family. For one i'm just sick and tired of dealing with my sisters constant fuck ups. Plus having to be the one to pick up my mom after she falls apart consistently. As well as getting as far away from the 'friends' as I can as well as my sisters. I'm thinking of moving. Not out of state, but by god out of this county. Skagit can only do so much and it being farmer country there's not much here for me to begin with. I'm thinking when I hit my 20's I might just go and live in Seattle, maybe try a desk job or just do electrical down there. Either way, I want to get away from my sisters, and I don't want to hear from my friends about how better they are in comparison to me. So fine, see if I care that I can't loan either of you 40$ for gas and 10$ for cigarettes.
Sato say: "I sense much anger in family."
In other aspects in life, I'm starting to realize things. One, i'm getting old.....Not so much on the physical side of things but the emotional and the mental. I've matured; like horribly fine wine, I'm old. I look at my two older sisters and I still see them partying like it's '1999' and in some way I envy them. In another way I despise them. I've realized why I despise them as well. But in a rundown, I shall make this interesting.
-Maka/ Lynette-
I don't like her because she's a tool, never was strong, not for her and certainly not for her children. I despise her because of all the shit that she should be doing that is considered responsible, she's partying. Sure she just left her husband, but she landed right into the arms of another piece of white-trash. I despise her because she brought 3 children into this world and she never spoke up for them. Hell, she never spoke up for me while my aunt was throwing shit at me. She sits there, like a bump on a log and just soaks in life, but never guards what is important to her. She never fights for who she loves and for those who love her back, she just seems to blindly steer her ship into the rocks.
-Becca/Becki-
Now, this one is going to be a long one. This is my older sister, by only a year and 3 months. Now, i despise her for the various and following reasons. She never liked me as a child and even pretended to like me so she could somehow earn my respect. She always competed with me over something like grades and would brag endlessly to my father (Who at the time loved her.) She's slow-witted, incompetent, made fun of me all my life over the things I loved. Then magically since she entered college she loves Wow, she loves D&D and OMG she loves speaking all the languages I speak. She parties like there's no tomorrow and then does stupid shit like make out with my friends. MY FRIENDS, not hers, mine! I hate her, I've always hated her. I've always spent my life in her shadow as "Becki's sister." and to this point in time, I'm sick and tired of it. I went to a new school, got new friends went to a place where NO ONE ever heard of Becki and now that they go to college it's. Becki this, Becki that, oh you're Becki's sister. No i'm not Becki's sister my name is AMANDA, it's fucking Amanda, not Becki's sister. It's not "You look like Becki, you act like Becki you practically ARE Becki." No bullshit. I am not her, I am not her! I have a job, I can support myself, I'm capable of having a relationship with someone that isn't based upon sex and drinking. I have morals, and fucking prospects that I want to achieve. Not lounge around on my 'dying' grandmothers couch and suck up all of her food and money. I am willing to work my hands to the bone to get what I deserve, and I deserve a little more respect then what my 'friends' entitle to you.
Now to somehow cure this ailment that has come over me and my so called family. For one i'm just sick and tired of dealing with my sisters constant fuck ups. Plus having to be the one to pick up my mom after she falls apart consistently. As well as getting as far away from the 'friends' as I can as well as my sisters. I'm thinking of moving. Not out of state, but by god out of this county. Skagit can only do so much and it being farmer country there's not much here for me to begin with. I'm thinking when I hit my 20's I might just go and live in Seattle, maybe try a desk job or just do electrical down there. Either way, I want to get away from my sisters, and I don't want to hear from my friends about how better they are in comparison to me. So fine, see if I care that I can't loan either of you 40$ for gas and 10$ for cigarettes.
Sato say: "I sense much anger in family."
In the meantime, worry about the things you can control, and not about the things you can't. The weather, the stock market and your sisters' behavior are all going to happen regardless of what you say or do, so just let them! Focus on making yourself happy in whatever ways you can.