i think there is something wrong wiht me. i just took a shower (That ofcourse is not whats wrong hehe) and weighed myself before hand.
i have been staying away from the scale for safety reasons. ya know the distillers song when she sings "im a girl im only 13 my body rots, cause i wont fuckin eat"???? well that was my fuckin biography. yahyah its a fucked up sick and stupid thing. and im obviously not the only one. and being around those who have been there, well, might be bad for me.
im thinkin about all my options and wonder sometimes...what if i just broke my ties??? all my connections. dropped everyone every single person i talk to now??
what if i dont keep a single one? then what? where would i be??what the fuck would i have? and would it be better than what i have now?
because i cant do this to myself again. i cant do it. its all a bunch of bullshit and im only trying to become good enough for myself but in the process i feel like im suddenly being...evaluated.
the other day in the breakroom at work a coworker of mine, who im a bit fond of, said he thinks im losing weight. maybe alot of people like hearing these things. but not me. i dont want people noticing and lookin at my body.
duh duh...im gonna be on suicidegirls, i mean i dont want them judgin me...on other things....it makes sense in my head.
so yah i do plan to be happy wit h myelf but at what cost?? i cant stay around and have this shit thrown at me. no one who wears a size 3 is chubby unless your fuckin one foot tall.
i cant accept something im not happy with cause its settling and i wont settle with my life. im gonna make it amazing.
yah so i think theres something wrong with me cause i looked in the mirror, and when i look in it im startled at the fact that im not really overweight the way i feel. understandard. substandard. and i weight 135. not a whole super lot...i usually wear around a size 7 or 8....im 5'4''. this is all perfectly wonderfull.
so whats wrong with me?
and super kudo awesome points to any and all who read this whole entry.
i have been staying away from the scale for safety reasons. ya know the distillers song when she sings "im a girl im only 13 my body rots, cause i wont fuckin eat"???? well that was my fuckin biography. yahyah its a fucked up sick and stupid thing. and im obviously not the only one. and being around those who have been there, well, might be bad for me.
im thinkin about all my options and wonder sometimes...what if i just broke my ties??? all my connections. dropped everyone every single person i talk to now??
what if i dont keep a single one? then what? where would i be??what the fuck would i have? and would it be better than what i have now?
because i cant do this to myself again. i cant do it. its all a bunch of bullshit and im only trying to become good enough for myself but in the process i feel like im suddenly being...evaluated.
the other day in the breakroom at work a coworker of mine, who im a bit fond of, said he thinks im losing weight. maybe alot of people like hearing these things. but not me. i dont want people noticing and lookin at my body.
duh duh...im gonna be on suicidegirls, i mean i dont want them judgin me...on other things....it makes sense in my head.
so yah i do plan to be happy wit h myelf but at what cost?? i cant stay around and have this shit thrown at me. no one who wears a size 3 is chubby unless your fuckin one foot tall.
i cant accept something im not happy with cause its settling and i wont settle with my life. im gonna make it amazing.
yah so i think theres something wrong with me cause i looked in the mirror, and when i look in it im startled at the fact that im not really overweight the way i feel. understandard. substandard. and i weight 135. not a whole super lot...i usually wear around a size 7 or 8....im 5'4''. this is all perfectly wonderfull.
so whats wrong with me?
and super kudo awesome points to any and all who read this whole entry.
VIEW 12 of 12 COMMENTS
shawn_:
Hey, there is nothing wrong with you. I mean what I like about SuicideGirls is that everyone is different. Besides being hot is all in the mind.
socalsoldier:
babe theres nothing wrong with you, and if anyone tells you otherwise they are insane and should not be paid attention to mmmkay