kadmeia

Ok so it's 9 something am and I still haven't slept.. I think I'm going to write a paper then take a sleeping pill and waste my day. Mallorie comes in 4 days. I go home so soon.. I've been gone almost three mo. and I don't know how to feel. I keep asking myself if it is too soon. If I go back now will I want to come back? Or will it show me just how depressing things have become back home and that I'm better off escaping and rebuilding myself? I hung out with this guy the other night and I'm worried things are going to be awkward now because I wouldn't sleep with him. I don't sleep with people I don't know though and I'm not going to feel bad about it. Not like it really matters I think I'm slowly getting use to being alone alot. I've embraced it and actually enjoy it most of the time.
I have so many people that keep asking when I'll be back home. I love that I'm loved.
I was just talking to someone and I realized I make my weekends out to seem alot more boring than they are. She thought it was interesting anyway and I realized that despite the fact that I do more and my weekends are more interesting out here I don't enjoy them that much. If I was smart I would take a while off school and go travel. I know I keep saying that and with the amount I think about it I should just get it over with but I think I'm going to continue to dwell on it and argue that it might now be the right move for my future but whatever.
Blah.. I need to go continue being productive. If I can't sleep I need to find something to do that will accomplish shit. Late.
<3, Jen