my morning vanity issue
Current mood: embarrassed
Ok... so let me start out by saying, very plainly, that I am not having a pity party.
That being said- I don't think of myself as a beautiful person. I think I am attrictive yes, cute even at times, but beautiful -no... I had a relazation this morning... and I'll let you know what it was later on in this writing, but frist, lets give ya the long back story.
I went to the dermatoligest this morning. Mostly to have her look at the red blimishes on my arms, and face...
Those blimishes are sun spots that I developed while living in Fla. I was in the sun alot, without sunscreen. Over time, if you don't watch them, some of them might develop into melanoma... which can lead to cancer.. or maybe it is a form of cancer.... but ya get the point. Thats the responsable reason I went.
Well the season the folks in Seattle like to call "Summer" is on its way.... Mind you, I'm still waiting for Spring.... as I write this, it's 48 outside, the flowers have bloomed but the sky is still rainy & grey. The sun has peaked it's head out once in awhile, giving me false hope, but those of us from the south, might call it Fall still. But anyway.. hopefully tank top weather is on its way, as I have stubbornly been wearing tank tops sense late Jan, and haven't been warm sense. Ok so here is the vanity reason I went to the dermotligost this morning- I'd like to look good in said tank tops.
Well I went & she examanined me, 2 mins later, she was inserting a very large needle into my face. As if this wasn't bad enough... she did it 12 times... then proceded to burn several, read 22, of these red marks off my face & lower neck! Gross huh? IT FUCKING HURT!!!!!!! EVEN WITH THE "NUMBING" AGENT IN THE NEDDLE.... AMONG THE WORST PAIN I HAVE EVER FELT in my life!
Well please allow me to go a bit further on the gross out scale... the smell of burning human flesh... I can't think of words to describe it... it;s BAD.
You ask why would I do this .... well I have had it done once before & it was in no way as painful as it was today... maybe cause this time it was on my face... who knows...
So to the point- I never realized how I percived myself vs others percetion of me, affected how high I hold my head up everyday.
I look bad, right now- like someone kicked my ass.... and I was embarrassed to walk home after leaving the doctors office, embarrassed to be seen like this. I still am.
So ya know what I am going to do today & until my face heals.... I am going to force myself to go out in public today..... to try & over come this vanity issue, that I never knew I had!!
Current mood: embarrassed
Ok... so let me start out by saying, very plainly, that I am not having a pity party.
That being said- I don't think of myself as a beautiful person. I think I am attrictive yes, cute even at times, but beautiful -no... I had a relazation this morning... and I'll let you know what it was later on in this writing, but frist, lets give ya the long back story.
I went to the dermatoligest this morning. Mostly to have her look at the red blimishes on my arms, and face...
Those blimishes are sun spots that I developed while living in Fla. I was in the sun alot, without sunscreen. Over time, if you don't watch them, some of them might develop into melanoma... which can lead to cancer.. or maybe it is a form of cancer.... but ya get the point. Thats the responsable reason I went.
Well the season the folks in Seattle like to call "Summer" is on its way.... Mind you, I'm still waiting for Spring.... as I write this, it's 48 outside, the flowers have bloomed but the sky is still rainy & grey. The sun has peaked it's head out once in awhile, giving me false hope, but those of us from the south, might call it Fall still. But anyway.. hopefully tank top weather is on its way, as I have stubbornly been wearing tank tops sense late Jan, and haven't been warm sense. Ok so here is the vanity reason I went to the dermotligost this morning- I'd like to look good in said tank tops.
Well I went & she examanined me, 2 mins later, she was inserting a very large needle into my face. As if this wasn't bad enough... she did it 12 times... then proceded to burn several, read 22, of these red marks off my face & lower neck! Gross huh? IT FUCKING HURT!!!!!!! EVEN WITH THE "NUMBING" AGENT IN THE NEDDLE.... AMONG THE WORST PAIN I HAVE EVER FELT in my life!
Well please allow me to go a bit further on the gross out scale... the smell of burning human flesh... I can't think of words to describe it... it;s BAD.
You ask why would I do this .... well I have had it done once before & it was in no way as painful as it was today... maybe cause this time it was on my face... who knows...
So to the point- I never realized how I percived myself vs others percetion of me, affected how high I hold my head up everyday.
I look bad, right now- like someone kicked my ass.... and I was embarrassed to walk home after leaving the doctors office, embarrassed to be seen like this. I still am.
So ya know what I am going to do today & until my face heals.... I am going to force myself to go out in public today..... to try & over come this vanity issue, that I never knew I had!!