Oh lord ... here I go again ...
I am finding it difficult to find "myself." I need some sort of definition as to who I am. I'm waiting for a letter in the mail right now, and it can say one of two things.
Congratulations Mr. Musser your application for admission has been ...
or
Mr. Musser, regretfully the University of ...
I don't have any idea as to which answer I'll be receiving but the impact of that one letter is going to shape and direct my life for the years to come. One year ago I was in the same situation. I received that letter of congratulations and I wasted the opportunity because I wasn't ready to stop being the child I was.
It's amazing how much my perception has changed within one year. I don't want to go to college for a degree any longer, I'm hoping that I've finally found the right reasons. I want to learn about what I love, and I want to learn about myself. However, the outcome of my first choice can easily determine what the answer to my application will be.
I don't know if I fear anything more than the heading of that second letter. If I'm not a student anymore, then what am I? I'm not a worker, I'm not an adult. I will just be in "limbo," and I won't have any idea who I'm becoming. It's sad that I need an institution to define myself, but being a student means so much more. It means having a goal, and direction.
Learning right now is all I can do, it is my journey, and my quest. I need to seek Truth. I keep reading and reading about how to find out who I am, but this could be the wrong direction. I'm reading of other's truth's and their lives. Maybe my journey isn't in a book or at a university. Maybe it's out in the world, and that is where I should be.
The answers always come with time, and in the heading of a letter. With either a yes or a no, I'm going to have to choose whether my truth is in learning from others, or in teaching myself.
Sorry - No one should read my thoughts spilled into type. It's just sometimes easier to read your mind than think of it all at once.
Current Music: Simon and Garfunkel - A Hazy Shade of Winter
I am finding it difficult to find "myself." I need some sort of definition as to who I am. I'm waiting for a letter in the mail right now, and it can say one of two things.
Congratulations Mr. Musser your application for admission has been ...
or
Mr. Musser, regretfully the University of ...
I don't have any idea as to which answer I'll be receiving but the impact of that one letter is going to shape and direct my life for the years to come. One year ago I was in the same situation. I received that letter of congratulations and I wasted the opportunity because I wasn't ready to stop being the child I was.
It's amazing how much my perception has changed within one year. I don't want to go to college for a degree any longer, I'm hoping that I've finally found the right reasons. I want to learn about what I love, and I want to learn about myself. However, the outcome of my first choice can easily determine what the answer to my application will be.
I don't know if I fear anything more than the heading of that second letter. If I'm not a student anymore, then what am I? I'm not a worker, I'm not an adult. I will just be in "limbo," and I won't have any idea who I'm becoming. It's sad that I need an institution to define myself, but being a student means so much more. It means having a goal, and direction.
Learning right now is all I can do, it is my journey, and my quest. I need to seek Truth. I keep reading and reading about how to find out who I am, but this could be the wrong direction. I'm reading of other's truth's and their lives. Maybe my journey isn't in a book or at a university. Maybe it's out in the world, and that is where I should be.
The answers always come with time, and in the heading of a letter. With either a yes or a no, I'm going to have to choose whether my truth is in learning from others, or in teaching myself.
Sorry - No one should read my thoughts spilled into type. It's just sometimes easier to read your mind than think of it all at once.
Current Music: Simon and Garfunkel - A Hazy Shade of Winter
chezgeek:
take the word of someone who chose 'the world' over school... go to school. i made the mistake of choosing to be with a girl instead of going to school and now she is leaving me after 2 1/2 years of marriage and a child. i hope that you find yourself, whatever you do.. i still havent really found myself and ive got 6 years on ya. good luck.