k_belmont

in everything we do in this world that we find ourselves lost in, time and time again, we are forced to fully give in to whatever it is that is demanding our attention... the more that we work towards something, the more we dull and blunt the instruments we work with... i am glad that i have at least made my fair share of attempts...

i apologize that i have not written in here for a few days... as you may have already noticed, i tend to only post when i am in negative standings... 'tis the entire reasoning behind my journal... i use this as a release, and tend to feel a bit better off after the expulsion of my emotions that tend to tie me down... i pride in being a happy person, and being able to cheer up even the dead... yet, i tend to drop down so low every once in a while, during the quieter times of my life... the setting for these emotions usually accompanied by my strong need for love in my life, that of which i have lacked in entirety as of late... i was oh so accustomed to it always, yet now it is gone... if i typed constantly, and not just when i was in the mood... everything would just resemble a rather vague collection of forced emotions full of text... instead, i only write in here when i truly feel... which (in my eyes) makes for a better reading experience... i would rather not write when having nothing compelling and honest to say and devoid of feeling... i write when i feel, not when i wish...

at the moment i am extremely tired... unbeknownst to me as to why i am in an awful mood... i just feel like i am missing a big part of my life, and that is for myself to matter to someone else as much as i want that someone to matter to me...

i think i'm just going to go to bed, and lay there without falling asleep... i'm growing tired of being awake and tired...