About two months ago I found a posting on Craigslist for a cabaret show looking for acts. Of course, I emailed right away and within a few days I had a spot on the show's list.. which I soon found out had like 15 other acts, but whatever. I was going to have my first show in the city... finally. I've done other shows, a circus in Berkeley and breathing fire at a party in San Jose, but nothing in the city.
So as the time goes by, I start gathering together an act. They've got fire people already, so I was going to do the sideshow stunts I've picked up over the years, wink wink. I got materials for finishing my bed of nails, got some razorblades and some videotapes to learn new tricks.. and started saving glass bottles in the kitchen.
We slowly approach the date of the show, and I still don't have a stage name put together. Ajina's too hard for anyone to pronounce, so I played aroun d with some things. Chaosgraffiti didn't roll off the tongue the way I wanted, and nothing was fitting just right... but eventually i found it. Coyote. Its rooted in Native American myth and stories. So there I was, Coyote the Pain Proof Boy.
The day of the show I loadded in my props to the establishment, a little bar named Benders a few blocks from where I live, at around five o'clock. I was really the only performer who needed to bring in large heavy props. A bed of nails with more'n fifty pounds of nails in it, a big heavy tub full of broken glass and a roll of carpet. The rest I was bringing later, but I wanted that in the place so I could just walk to the show later. When I got there, the prop guys were high as fucking kites. Giggling at every little thing anyone said, funny or not. I didn't think anything about it at the time, though it turns out i should've.
i went home and showered, gathered everything else up together and left. I went to Wallgreens and bought a package of two little lightbulbs and had to run back home because I had forgot the Dr. Pepper in the fridge. It was Dr Pepper because I couldnt find any TAB... you'll understand in a while.
I got to the show a little later than I wanted, but still with an hour before we were supposed to go up. I talked to everyone i needed to talk to and got to the dressing room to put on my makeup and start in on my bodypaint. I put on some thick black tribal spirals to cover the fact that I'm a skinny white boy with no muscles.
The show went up half an hour late, no worries. I was fourth up in the lineup, backstage stretching and generally being extremely nervous. I talked with the emcee while the act before me was on stage, and I'm pretty sure I was bugging the hell out of him. But my act was new, and i didnt have much rehersal.. but everything went just fine at home, and something else usually takes over me when I get in front of the crowd. When i breathed fire at Cirkus Eviktus, I had never breathed fire that large and that well before, but being in front of the crowd, Coyote just took over. So I knew somewhere deep down I'd be allright, but I was still shaking. but maybe the rain was really to blame.. no. I was nervous.
The Emcee announced me, "This next act, straight from the wastelands of Motor City Dee-troit (you know, how non-Detroiters say it) you don't want to lay on his bed, because it might be full of nails. Welcome Coyote the Pain proof Boy." Oohs and ahhs.. sorta.. from the crowd, it was packed tight in that little bar. no room to move, everyone crunched up together, all fixing their eyes on the stage. I had music planned because I didnt want Coyote to talk, but my CD-RWs weren't working in the DJ's player, so he just threw on whatever, I still can't remember what he played. I didn't hear it.
I walked to the end of the stage in my leather pants and my tribal fire spinning jacket, my black diamond painted over my eye and spirals across my chest. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a pair of scissors, and a couple of flyers for the show. I sliced the flyers into ribbons to prove that the scissors were sharp and looked deep into the eye of the audience... and ran all across the stage, clipping those scissors in the air like I didn't care. They laughed. Good. They were supposed to.
Then I pulled out a package of razorblades, took the first one out of the package, forgetting to slice up the flyers again to prove they were sharp, and stuck it in my mouth. It didn't really hit the people as to what I was doing until after I swallowed and opened my mouth to show... ah! no razorblade! Each time I did another one, they screamed a little louder, all the way up to four blades. I think the audience thought that was as far as it was going to go, but then I pulled out a spool of string and swallowed a length of it. Whats he doing? Then they understood. I pulled out all four razorblades all tied together on the piece of white thread. They liked that.
I moved back upstage to my bed of nails that the prop boys had put at the end of the stage. There was a runner out into the audience, and the nails were back at the top. The emcee came back out and asked for two lovely female volunteers to step forward out of the audience. No one came up.. I guess they thought I was going to make them lay on the nails or something. Eventually one person came up, and my roommate Harvey came onstage too. i layed on the bed of nails and everyone was impressed I guess, then harvey stood on me. The other girl thought she was there for supporting harvey, but then Mr. Sin (the MC) came back out and held her hand as she stood on me as long as she could hold her balance. That worked. They cheered and I exited the stage, my first act show all done.
I spent the rest of the act in the back, pacing and betrating myself for not doing a very good job in the first half. I didn't sell it enough, my motions were small, and the razorblade routine seemed to come off as hokey and rushed to me. people told me afterwords that it was good, but good is one thing, and really doing it is another. So I was kicking myself and thinking up ways to change the second time I was onstage to be better.
Intermission, yadda yadda. I talked to harvey and Cody, my two friends who came to see. There were other people in the audience I had invited from SuicideGirls, but I hadn't met a lot of them, so I couldn't talk to 'em. I got all set up and went backstage again to psyche myself up for what I was going to do in the next act... steal other people's material. Well only one bit of it was stealing, and I promise maybe i'll never do it again...
I got onstage for the second act ready to go, psyched up and really ready to go. I had the microphone this time and i was going to talk. I had hastily ccome up with some lines between my acts, and I thought they were good. As I spoke, the stupid motherfucker prop kids started rolling out the carpet and laying down the bed of broken glass. Now, i told them how it had to be, and I saw them doing it wrong, but Coyote had taken over, and I just kept going.
"Yes, I am Coyote the Pain Proof Boy, spat up my the bowels of the Motor City," first time I've heard San Franciscans give a damn about Detroit, so that makes me kinda proud, "and now I'm here in San Francisco with three more acts of Dangerously Death Defying *another D word that I cant remember anymore*" I started into my first stunt.. "Now this next act claimed the LIFE of a fellow performer of mine, so i'll have to ask for a little respect. Little Mickey, of the LIFE cereal commercials DIED doing what I am about to attempt. Drinking POP ROCKS (holding a package of Pop Rocks) and CARBONATED SODA (the Dr Pepper) at the same time!" I tore off the top of the package and dumped the pop rocks into my mouth. i tried to make the popping noises into the mic, but they weren't picking up. I grabbed the Dr Pepper and took a big swig. The crowd gasped in mock shock and laughed. someone shouted, 'hes going to explode!'
I curtsied a little, and moved on. "This is the auditory part of the show. All three of these acts have audio portions. And sound... well there are three sounds that most people can't stand to hear. Nails on a chalkboard, the word President... ...followed by the word BUSH!" huge howls here please, (this is the stolen bit) "and someone CHEWING glass." gasps. no way. "brand new out of the package. ladies and Gentlemen, exhibit A, a lightbulb fresh from the packaging. I handed it to the closest person in the audience to prove it was real. She tapped on it and nodded. i walked to the end of the stage and wrapped the bulb in a bit of leather, and smashed it with a hammer. I took a few chunks of the glass and walked back to the mic. I put the shards into my mouth and waited a beat with the bar in complete silence. I put my mouth right on the microphone and bit down. Crunch crunch crunch screams. Ha! It was great. I chewed for a while, then grabbed the Dr Pepper and swallowed it all down to the gasps and amazed sounds of the audience. I was loving this. hello Mr adrenaline, give over complete control to the Coyote.
i walked over to the carpet full of broken glass. Now let me tell you something about doing the glasswalking act. It has to be layed out thick. I told those stupid stagehands that it had to be at least two inches deep.. and why i didn't just do it myself, i don't know. That would've been better for the act as it is. But I had watched them spread out the glass that i told them fifty-two million times had to be thick, to the whole extent of the rug. Before the show these two numbskulls had come up to me worried about handling the glass without gloves. i told them how to do it without touching the glass at all and not letting a single bit get left on the stage. But here they had stuck their hands in it and spread out glass that should've been maybe a foot by three feet to the whole carpet of two feet by six. Too thin. And i still stepped in it.
now, Willie B can tell you I'm sure, that when adrenaline starts flowing, the endorphins do their thing, to can't feel pain. It doesnt exist. Coyote takes over and all you hear is the crowd. you don't even see them, you hear the crowd and you see whats directly in front of you, thats it. So I didn't feel the glass stick into my heel. I dont know if it happened early on or later. but i lowered the mic into the glass and they just wanted more. i went through everything i had rehersed, but in a much shallower bed of glass. I punched all the way to the carpet, and did a headstand in the glass. Well, not a full headstand because my body was shaking with adrenalin and sending extra energy to the two gaping cuts in my right hand.
i got off the glass and went back to the microphone. I saw my hand was pouring blood down my forearm and i held it to the audience. "Well you wanted excitement." That was a mistake, because then it takes away their excitement and makes them worried about how you're doing. I'll heal just fine, i dont want to sour their impressions of the act. I guess I didn't, but then again i didnt get to talk to too many of them after the show because i was stuck in the back getting medical assistance until after most of the bar had cleared out.
I thought it was just a few little cuts and I'd put a bandage on them and I'd be fine, but after I ran water down my hand, I saw that I'd need quite a few stitches. Problem is, I dont have health insurance, and just paying the rent this month will be close enough. Well my own personal doctor came to the back, harvey my roommate is a trained veterinary assistant, and she was all set to get me back home and do the stitches where we could sterilize everything.
Cody was EMT trained in the Navy though, and he took over. After the decision had been made to not go to the hospital, he was in full work mode. he was amazing. He got the cuts sterilized as best he could with some 151, and took care of the rest with amazing gauze work and Neosporin. Oh that Neosporin bottle, I find out later (Harvey made sure i didnt see this happen, or it wouldve hurt I'm sure. As it stands, it didnt.) that bottle went underneath my skin and underneath my tendon to my ring finger. The ccuts weren't deep enough to go to the bone, but I sure got to see what moving my finger looks like under the skin.
i want to hurt those stage boys so bad.. but its not really their fault. Okay, yes it is, but its more mine, because I saw them spreading it too thin, and i went anyway. I couldve pulled out, or fixed it, and been fine. but I didn't. Coyote's a trickster. He's a bastard, and he may seem like a nice guy, and kind of a doofus, but he's not. he's wicked. So you let Coyote take over, but you know what you're getting yourself into first.
I'll be fine. I'll have a long heal, like a scarification cutting, and I'll have two wicked nasty scars. it'll take a little training to get the full range of motion back in my right ring finger, but it'll all be fine. i take good care of it and keep it clean, and in six months, I'll have some scar tissue to put those knuckle piercings through. i know two that won't reject.
So as the time goes by, I start gathering together an act. They've got fire people already, so I was going to do the sideshow stunts I've picked up over the years, wink wink. I got materials for finishing my bed of nails, got some razorblades and some videotapes to learn new tricks.. and started saving glass bottles in the kitchen.
We slowly approach the date of the show, and I still don't have a stage name put together. Ajina's too hard for anyone to pronounce, so I played aroun d with some things. Chaosgraffiti didn't roll off the tongue the way I wanted, and nothing was fitting just right... but eventually i found it. Coyote. Its rooted in Native American myth and stories. So there I was, Coyote the Pain Proof Boy.
The day of the show I loadded in my props to the establishment, a little bar named Benders a few blocks from where I live, at around five o'clock. I was really the only performer who needed to bring in large heavy props. A bed of nails with more'n fifty pounds of nails in it, a big heavy tub full of broken glass and a roll of carpet. The rest I was bringing later, but I wanted that in the place so I could just walk to the show later. When I got there, the prop guys were high as fucking kites. Giggling at every little thing anyone said, funny or not. I didn't think anything about it at the time, though it turns out i should've.
i went home and showered, gathered everything else up together and left. I went to Wallgreens and bought a package of two little lightbulbs and had to run back home because I had forgot the Dr. Pepper in the fridge. It was Dr Pepper because I couldnt find any TAB... you'll understand in a while.
I got to the show a little later than I wanted, but still with an hour before we were supposed to go up. I talked to everyone i needed to talk to and got to the dressing room to put on my makeup and start in on my bodypaint. I put on some thick black tribal spirals to cover the fact that I'm a skinny white boy with no muscles.
The show went up half an hour late, no worries. I was fourth up in the lineup, backstage stretching and generally being extremely nervous. I talked with the emcee while the act before me was on stage, and I'm pretty sure I was bugging the hell out of him. But my act was new, and i didnt have much rehersal.. but everything went just fine at home, and something else usually takes over me when I get in front of the crowd. When i breathed fire at Cirkus Eviktus, I had never breathed fire that large and that well before, but being in front of the crowd, Coyote just took over. So I knew somewhere deep down I'd be allright, but I was still shaking. but maybe the rain was really to blame.. no. I was nervous.
The Emcee announced me, "This next act, straight from the wastelands of Motor City Dee-troit (you know, how non-Detroiters say it) you don't want to lay on his bed, because it might be full of nails. Welcome Coyote the Pain proof Boy." Oohs and ahhs.. sorta.. from the crowd, it was packed tight in that little bar. no room to move, everyone crunched up together, all fixing their eyes on the stage. I had music planned because I didnt want Coyote to talk, but my CD-RWs weren't working in the DJ's player, so he just threw on whatever, I still can't remember what he played. I didn't hear it.
I walked to the end of the stage in my leather pants and my tribal fire spinning jacket, my black diamond painted over my eye and spirals across my chest. I reached into my back pocket and pulled out a pair of scissors, and a couple of flyers for the show. I sliced the flyers into ribbons to prove that the scissors were sharp and looked deep into the eye of the audience... and ran all across the stage, clipping those scissors in the air like I didn't care. They laughed. Good. They were supposed to.
Then I pulled out a package of razorblades, took the first one out of the package, forgetting to slice up the flyers again to prove they were sharp, and stuck it in my mouth. It didn't really hit the people as to what I was doing until after I swallowed and opened my mouth to show... ah! no razorblade! Each time I did another one, they screamed a little louder, all the way up to four blades. I think the audience thought that was as far as it was going to go, but then I pulled out a spool of string and swallowed a length of it. Whats he doing? Then they understood. I pulled out all four razorblades all tied together on the piece of white thread. They liked that.
I moved back upstage to my bed of nails that the prop boys had put at the end of the stage. There was a runner out into the audience, and the nails were back at the top. The emcee came back out and asked for two lovely female volunteers to step forward out of the audience. No one came up.. I guess they thought I was going to make them lay on the nails or something. Eventually one person came up, and my roommate Harvey came onstage too. i layed on the bed of nails and everyone was impressed I guess, then harvey stood on me. The other girl thought she was there for supporting harvey, but then Mr. Sin (the MC) came back out and held her hand as she stood on me as long as she could hold her balance. That worked. They cheered and I exited the stage, my first act show all done.
I spent the rest of the act in the back, pacing and betrating myself for not doing a very good job in the first half. I didn't sell it enough, my motions were small, and the razorblade routine seemed to come off as hokey and rushed to me. people told me afterwords that it was good, but good is one thing, and really doing it is another. So I was kicking myself and thinking up ways to change the second time I was onstage to be better.
Intermission, yadda yadda. I talked to harvey and Cody, my two friends who came to see. There were other people in the audience I had invited from SuicideGirls, but I hadn't met a lot of them, so I couldn't talk to 'em. I got all set up and went backstage again to psyche myself up for what I was going to do in the next act... steal other people's material. Well only one bit of it was stealing, and I promise maybe i'll never do it again...
I got onstage for the second act ready to go, psyched up and really ready to go. I had the microphone this time and i was going to talk. I had hastily ccome up with some lines between my acts, and I thought they were good. As I spoke, the stupid motherfucker prop kids started rolling out the carpet and laying down the bed of broken glass. Now, i told them how it had to be, and I saw them doing it wrong, but Coyote had taken over, and I just kept going.
"Yes, I am Coyote the Pain Proof Boy, spat up my the bowels of the Motor City," first time I've heard San Franciscans give a damn about Detroit, so that makes me kinda proud, "and now I'm here in San Francisco with three more acts of Dangerously Death Defying *another D word that I cant remember anymore*" I started into my first stunt.. "Now this next act claimed the LIFE of a fellow performer of mine, so i'll have to ask for a little respect. Little Mickey, of the LIFE cereal commercials DIED doing what I am about to attempt. Drinking POP ROCKS (holding a package of Pop Rocks) and CARBONATED SODA (the Dr Pepper) at the same time!" I tore off the top of the package and dumped the pop rocks into my mouth. i tried to make the popping noises into the mic, but they weren't picking up. I grabbed the Dr Pepper and took a big swig. The crowd gasped in mock shock and laughed. someone shouted, 'hes going to explode!'
I curtsied a little, and moved on. "This is the auditory part of the show. All three of these acts have audio portions. And sound... well there are three sounds that most people can't stand to hear. Nails on a chalkboard, the word President... ...followed by the word BUSH!" huge howls here please, (this is the stolen bit) "and someone CHEWING glass." gasps. no way. "brand new out of the package. ladies and Gentlemen, exhibit A, a lightbulb fresh from the packaging. I handed it to the closest person in the audience to prove it was real. She tapped on it and nodded. i walked to the end of the stage and wrapped the bulb in a bit of leather, and smashed it with a hammer. I took a few chunks of the glass and walked back to the mic. I put the shards into my mouth and waited a beat with the bar in complete silence. I put my mouth right on the microphone and bit down. Crunch crunch crunch screams. Ha! It was great. I chewed for a while, then grabbed the Dr Pepper and swallowed it all down to the gasps and amazed sounds of the audience. I was loving this. hello Mr adrenaline, give over complete control to the Coyote.
i walked over to the carpet full of broken glass. Now let me tell you something about doing the glasswalking act. It has to be layed out thick. I told those stupid stagehands that it had to be at least two inches deep.. and why i didn't just do it myself, i don't know. That would've been better for the act as it is. But I had watched them spread out the glass that i told them fifty-two million times had to be thick, to the whole extent of the rug. Before the show these two numbskulls had come up to me worried about handling the glass without gloves. i told them how to do it without touching the glass at all and not letting a single bit get left on the stage. But here they had stuck their hands in it and spread out glass that should've been maybe a foot by three feet to the whole carpet of two feet by six. Too thin. And i still stepped in it.
now, Willie B can tell you I'm sure, that when adrenaline starts flowing, the endorphins do their thing, to can't feel pain. It doesnt exist. Coyote takes over and all you hear is the crowd. you don't even see them, you hear the crowd and you see whats directly in front of you, thats it. So I didn't feel the glass stick into my heel. I dont know if it happened early on or later. but i lowered the mic into the glass and they just wanted more. i went through everything i had rehersed, but in a much shallower bed of glass. I punched all the way to the carpet, and did a headstand in the glass. Well, not a full headstand because my body was shaking with adrenalin and sending extra energy to the two gaping cuts in my right hand.
i got off the glass and went back to the microphone. I saw my hand was pouring blood down my forearm and i held it to the audience. "Well you wanted excitement." That was a mistake, because then it takes away their excitement and makes them worried about how you're doing. I'll heal just fine, i dont want to sour their impressions of the act. I guess I didn't, but then again i didnt get to talk to too many of them after the show because i was stuck in the back getting medical assistance until after most of the bar had cleared out.
I thought it was just a few little cuts and I'd put a bandage on them and I'd be fine, but after I ran water down my hand, I saw that I'd need quite a few stitches. Problem is, I dont have health insurance, and just paying the rent this month will be close enough. Well my own personal doctor came to the back, harvey my roommate is a trained veterinary assistant, and she was all set to get me back home and do the stitches where we could sterilize everything.
Cody was EMT trained in the Navy though, and he took over. After the decision had been made to not go to the hospital, he was in full work mode. he was amazing. He got the cuts sterilized as best he could with some 151, and took care of the rest with amazing gauze work and Neosporin. Oh that Neosporin bottle, I find out later (Harvey made sure i didnt see this happen, or it wouldve hurt I'm sure. As it stands, it didnt.) that bottle went underneath my skin and underneath my tendon to my ring finger. The ccuts weren't deep enough to go to the bone, but I sure got to see what moving my finger looks like under the skin.
i want to hurt those stage boys so bad.. but its not really their fault. Okay, yes it is, but its more mine, because I saw them spreading it too thin, and i went anyway. I couldve pulled out, or fixed it, and been fine. but I didn't. Coyote's a trickster. He's a bastard, and he may seem like a nice guy, and kind of a doofus, but he's not. he's wicked. So you let Coyote take over, but you know what you're getting yourself into first.
I'll be fine. I'll have a long heal, like a scarification cutting, and I'll have two wicked nasty scars. it'll take a little training to get the full range of motion back in my right ring finger, but it'll all be fine. i take good care of it and keep it clean, and in six months, I'll have some scar tissue to put those knuckle piercings through. i know two that won't reject.