ugh i've been spoiling myself and now its come to bite me in the ass....

the last few, well, most nights for the last few weeks, i've spent with chandler(new man) and now i know it's gonna suck going to bed alone.... i should of eased into this better, KNOWING i have a really big dependency with sleeping with someone next to me.... before we met i was doing SO good too.... not saying it's his fault... i just hate that i can't have a happy medium.... it's like i can either sleep alone fine but not be seeing someone, or be in the relationship and have the shittiest time EVER falling asleep when i do have to alone.... and i mean laying in bed for literally 2+ hours till i think i seriously BORE myself to sleep with my own thoughts.....

ugh, this is bogus...... but other than that i've been really happy with him, haha, this kinda made him sound bad, whoops.....

music circus starts soon, i'm super stoked.... no more meat dept for an entire 2+months,

i feel bad i called in sick this morning... and i was out partying the night before, i was planning on still going to work, and i've done it before.... but cuddling my soberness away sounded a LOT better than working in the cold dealing with potentially bitchy people...... eh.... i'll just deal with it tomorrow.... but only FOUR more days of meat!!! i mean sure, i'll miss seeing those guys, but i def won't miss the work.... maybe this will allow my back to get stronger, i mean, this will allow me time to strengthen my back.... yeah, that......

i guess that's it really, i kinda want to move out still, really badly, but i dont think im ready to be that financially strained...... ugh i hate arguing with myself, it's draining