jumpstreet

The inevitable occurred tonight. I had to say the words, "I want a separation." I never thought saying the words would be hard, it's the repercussions that still need to be sorted out that will be the hardest to confront. The natural course of emotions flowed through: disbelief, acceptance and then of course, anger. "Who? What? Where? When? How long?" All gloves were off. Call it liquid courage--I had 5 beers and a muscle relaxer--I didn't think we would be having this conversation after finding out Tara got eliminated from "Rock Star INXS." How did it start anyway? Oh yeah, I asked if she still spoke to a friend of hers whose husband left her. She said "no" but heard they went out on a date recently. I still don't remember what I said but it made her ask and I just wasn't in the mood to sidestep anything. I laid everything out there on the line. No regrets. This is the inevitable that I've been avoiding for several years. And now it's out there. Where do we go from here? I've always maintained my greatest fear was hearing my children call someone else "dad." I want to be an integral part of their lives. She & I are better off as friends--ultimately, I hope that happens. We've been in each others lives for a decade. Through all the highs and lows, there were good times. There were bad times too . . . But we became two different people. Our interests differed. Maybe it was me who clammed up and didn't want to talk that annoyed her. Maybe it was her who was trying to get me to open up more that annoyed me. I could've shut my mouth tonight, but I didn't . . . if she asked, I answered. This house we live in has just become four walls. I never thought this would be an easy thing to do, that would be stupid and arrogant to assume. Was I ready to do this?