The Debt Collectors
A relationship should be about two unique individual people sharing their lives with one another, not two people living the one, same life Audrey
Im someone who grew up with this notion handed to me by books, films & pop songs, that Love was the highest ideal one could aim for, that it was, in fact, all you need. Forget PhDs, University degrees, Mensa & IQ Tests, I knew that if I could successfully achieve Love, I would have won. I would be fulfilled. It wouldfix things, right!? Anyway, Ive learnt the hard way regarding what happens after the Happily Ever bit. Id assumed that once Id taken a partner the rest would come naturally & we would become some kind of Automaton of Affection.
In a dating life officially 15 years old, Ive only ever been single a combined total of less than 365 days. Its no wonder that as a result, over the years, Ive suffered numerous identify crises. Who Am I? was ironically my defining theme. I was Relationship Guy! That guy who was always seen with someone new, interesting, different, intriguing, yet not much could be said for myself. I was a martyr for love, taking on a personification for all the ideals the relationship stood for, yet never once stood out for myself. I lost my identity inside of others, & became this mushy, undefinable, but lovely lump of reliability but also of boredom.
Last Christmas I went through the most horrible, yet liberating break up of my life, a two year relationship that involved more drama than the Odyssey. As tempting as it may be to dish out all the details, I plan on saving it for the memoirs. Anyway, the result was me, back home at my parents place at the age of 25, over twenty grand in debt, & so completely drained of self esteem, confidence & individuality I was indeed, the Walking Dead.
I am completely indebted to my best friend, Tracey, for being a completely integral part of my reconstruction and rebirth, but of course, it also took many lonely, scary nights alone to bring myself to the awesome version of Me I have now reached. Anxiety & panic attacks ensued when I could no longer fall back on my old security blankets, namely someone else telling me what to do. I was forced to become independent. Eventually there came a morning where I was truly ok with being alone. In fact, I preferred it. The first half of this year has been an exercise in personality, discovering things about myself I never knew, I was basically dating myself.
Now, Im a big believer in the idea of Fate, that most things happen for a reason. So this Winter when I met Audrey * (names may have been changed to protect the individuals identity (how apt you say) but we all know who Im talking about anyway)
I knew it was meant to be. I was ready, & the Universe had delivered her to me as a reward for the trials & tribulations of the last two years.
Here in lies the dilemma. There is a school of belief that to share your life with someone else is to automatically, by default , become dependent on one another & therefore by some cynical, jaded individuals you may be considered weak. But remember, kids, Its all up to you & how much you want to share is different to how much you want to give away.
Ive given away too much of myself to those who have wasted it. This time around Ive found someone who borrow my heart, but who I know in the end will return it in mint condition
A relationship should be about two unique individual people sharing their lives with one another, not two people living the one, same life Audrey
Im someone who grew up with this notion handed to me by books, films & pop songs, that Love was the highest ideal one could aim for, that it was, in fact, all you need. Forget PhDs, University degrees, Mensa & IQ Tests, I knew that if I could successfully achieve Love, I would have won. I would be fulfilled. It wouldfix things, right!? Anyway, Ive learnt the hard way regarding what happens after the Happily Ever bit. Id assumed that once Id taken a partner the rest would come naturally & we would become some kind of Automaton of Affection.
In a dating life officially 15 years old, Ive only ever been single a combined total of less than 365 days. Its no wonder that as a result, over the years, Ive suffered numerous identify crises. Who Am I? was ironically my defining theme. I was Relationship Guy! That guy who was always seen with someone new, interesting, different, intriguing, yet not much could be said for myself. I was a martyr for love, taking on a personification for all the ideals the relationship stood for, yet never once stood out for myself. I lost my identity inside of others, & became this mushy, undefinable, but lovely lump of reliability but also of boredom.
Last Christmas I went through the most horrible, yet liberating break up of my life, a two year relationship that involved more drama than the Odyssey. As tempting as it may be to dish out all the details, I plan on saving it for the memoirs. Anyway, the result was me, back home at my parents place at the age of 25, over twenty grand in debt, & so completely drained of self esteem, confidence & individuality I was indeed, the Walking Dead.
I am completely indebted to my best friend, Tracey, for being a completely integral part of my reconstruction and rebirth, but of course, it also took many lonely, scary nights alone to bring myself to the awesome version of Me I have now reached. Anxiety & panic attacks ensued when I could no longer fall back on my old security blankets, namely someone else telling me what to do. I was forced to become independent. Eventually there came a morning where I was truly ok with being alone. In fact, I preferred it. The first half of this year has been an exercise in personality, discovering things about myself I never knew, I was basically dating myself.
Now, Im a big believer in the idea of Fate, that most things happen for a reason. So this Winter when I met Audrey * (names may have been changed to protect the individuals identity (how apt you say) but we all know who Im talking about anyway)
I knew it was meant to be. I was ready, & the Universe had delivered her to me as a reward for the trials & tribulations of the last two years.
Here in lies the dilemma. There is a school of belief that to share your life with someone else is to automatically, by default , become dependent on one another & therefore by some cynical, jaded individuals you may be considered weak. But remember, kids, Its all up to you & how much you want to share is different to how much you want to give away.
Ive given away too much of myself to those who have wasted it. This time around Ive found someone who borrow my heart, but who I know in the end will return it in mint condition