The Card Table
Kids, your Aunt Tracey once told me that sometimes in life its better to be late. Even though you think youre missing out, you might find you were just where you were supposed to be all along.
It was the week after The Purple Eyebrow Incident, and Id just regained enough confidence to go out again, but was still flying solo, as your Aunt Traceys old friend had just split up with her boyfriend and felt compelled to go console her in that Im-Recently-Single-And-Need-To-Party stage, so that Friday night I was getting ready for your Aunt Laurens fiances birthday party at a bar in the city. I was lucky enough to roll out of bed with amazing hair, so left it as it was the entire day. Come 5pm I started getting ready and made the first mistake of the day, messing with my hair. After two hours lost in a haze of delicately maneuvering strands around, Id finally found the perfect balance and without thinking just grabbed the closest shirt to me from the closet, which happened to be the fated Blue Shirt. Good things have happened to me in that shirt.
It was back in 2004 when I had just landed my first graphic design gig fresh out of film school, and used it as an excuse to go shopping for trendy clothes, something I never used to do for myself. When I saw this pastel blue, button up business shirt that said both Im professional & Lets Party at the same time, I knew it would lead me good places. That night I wore it for the first time and immediately vomited all over it, after your Uncle Brendan & I got carried away over one of our epically long pub conversations. The next day I woke up and the stains had disappeared. I washed it of course. But from that day on I knew that that shirt was my uniform to wear when reporting for destiny.
Cut back to the bad hair incident. After id pulled on that shirt, I checked the time and realized I was over two hours late. I rushed into the city only, once again, to find myself there early. Now when youre the only one in a metal club not wearing black, you tend to stand out. As a result your Aunt Lauren spotted me immediately with a warm welcome and I settled in to listening to her & her friend Nat gossip about boy problems. If I had been any earlier, and just left my hair in the right place, I may have ended up picking a different shirt and not been spotted as quickly resulting in me missing that pivotal conversation. After half listening to them complaining about communication issues and their partners having problems with parts of who they were, it was then I realized. The problem with 99% of relationships is people try and look over things they dont like in the other person and try to mold them into their Ideal. They believe these problems can either be repressed or skipped over or dealt with at a later stage. And Kids? A word of advice.They Cant.
Sooner or later, inevitably these issues come to a front and usually end up being the cause of a breakup. While I was considering this, youre Uncle Gareth, Laurens ex showed up. The day before he had split up with his own fiance, over something they just couldnt agree on. So I bought youre Uncle Gareth a drink and I explained my theory to him. I decided that from then on, every person I met that I felt would be a pivotal, meaningful part of my life, I would lay the cards down for. Gareth believed that keeping mystery was important, and that going in bit by bit over the course of the game was essential in order to keep the opposition entertained and intrigued long enough. But see, he reached the end of his game and there was no magic Ace up his sleeve, and his fiance had realized this too late.
I promised myself to go all in from then on. To turn my cards around and show them to the world, and if they didnt like what I had, then it just wasnt meant to be. Its not about strategy, or winning. Sure its all a big game. But its supposed to be fun.
So in the spirit of letting the proverbial chips fall where they may, we decided to head to another bar in the city called Q Bar, where one year ago I tested out the I Dont Want To Sleep With You Theory, a phenomenon started by your Aunt Tracey. But more on that later. We gathered up your Aunt Lauren and her friends. On the way there, wed pulled up at a red light when your Uncle Gareth decided to shout out in good spirits to a drunk stranger to Dance for Me!. Now Kids, youll learn yourselves someday that people react differently to drinking. Some people, like your old man, just keep in cheery good spirits. But for other, it rises their own insecurities and issues with the world to the surface. Just like the concept of the Relationship, this lonesome drunken stranger had lied to himself and tried to convince himself he was happy. Maybe it was Gareths comment that finally tipped him over the edge, but either way it wasnt pretty. He came running over to the car, reached in through the window with a fist and punched your Uncle Gareth in the side of the head, causing his eyebrow piercings to rip and bleed down his face. At the same time, the light turned green and I sped off. Now, it really wasnt that bad. But thats the point, all these terrible things happen to us that look completely awful on the surface, but underneath it all, its our good spirits that pull us through these dark moments. Which was proved when Gareth completely laughed it off. I stopped off at a fast food restaurant to get some Napkins when I was stopped by a cute girl looking at me completely perplexed asking What are those for? as Id grabbed a whole bunch. I told her Id just made a mess of myself which made her smile, I took this moment and took off again.
A little while later wed all reached Q Bar safe and sound, when I passed the girl from the restaurant in the stairwell, and continued to walk straight past her. See, Id only realized it was her the morning after. So I kept on walking to the bar, and came back with a drink for the injured Gareth when I spotted a really cute girl that reminded me of a girl from a band I was obsessed with at the time called Tegan & Sara. I mentioned in passing how she reminded me of a girl from a band, (who just happened to be a lesbian), and she looked insulted replying are you trying to say I look like a massive dyke!? and waved me off.
So I sat down with my drink, half zoned out by watching your Aunt Lauren perform a lap dance whilst mimicking the motions of cat, and I thought, the girl of my dreams, my ideal, would have immediately understood my reference, so maybe it just wasnt meant to be.
So there you have it kids, if I hadnt left my hair alone, Id never of learnt the importance of upfront honesty. Sometimes youre in the right at the right time but you just dont know it yet. But as long as you keep your cards faced forwards they will always lead you in the right direction.
Kids, your Aunt Tracey once told me that sometimes in life its better to be late. Even though you think youre missing out, you might find you were just where you were supposed to be all along.
It was the week after The Purple Eyebrow Incident, and Id just regained enough confidence to go out again, but was still flying solo, as your Aunt Traceys old friend had just split up with her boyfriend and felt compelled to go console her in that Im-Recently-Single-And-Need-To-Party stage, so that Friday night I was getting ready for your Aunt Laurens fiances birthday party at a bar in the city. I was lucky enough to roll out of bed with amazing hair, so left it as it was the entire day. Come 5pm I started getting ready and made the first mistake of the day, messing with my hair. After two hours lost in a haze of delicately maneuvering strands around, Id finally found the perfect balance and without thinking just grabbed the closest shirt to me from the closet, which happened to be the fated Blue Shirt. Good things have happened to me in that shirt.
It was back in 2004 when I had just landed my first graphic design gig fresh out of film school, and used it as an excuse to go shopping for trendy clothes, something I never used to do for myself. When I saw this pastel blue, button up business shirt that said both Im professional & Lets Party at the same time, I knew it would lead me good places. That night I wore it for the first time and immediately vomited all over it, after your Uncle Brendan & I got carried away over one of our epically long pub conversations. The next day I woke up and the stains had disappeared. I washed it of course. But from that day on I knew that that shirt was my uniform to wear when reporting for destiny.
Cut back to the bad hair incident. After id pulled on that shirt, I checked the time and realized I was over two hours late. I rushed into the city only, once again, to find myself there early. Now when youre the only one in a metal club not wearing black, you tend to stand out. As a result your Aunt Lauren spotted me immediately with a warm welcome and I settled in to listening to her & her friend Nat gossip about boy problems. If I had been any earlier, and just left my hair in the right place, I may have ended up picking a different shirt and not been spotted as quickly resulting in me missing that pivotal conversation. After half listening to them complaining about communication issues and their partners having problems with parts of who they were, it was then I realized. The problem with 99% of relationships is people try and look over things they dont like in the other person and try to mold them into their Ideal. They believe these problems can either be repressed or skipped over or dealt with at a later stage. And Kids? A word of advice.They Cant.
Sooner or later, inevitably these issues come to a front and usually end up being the cause of a breakup. While I was considering this, youre Uncle Gareth, Laurens ex showed up. The day before he had split up with his own fiance, over something they just couldnt agree on. So I bought youre Uncle Gareth a drink and I explained my theory to him. I decided that from then on, every person I met that I felt would be a pivotal, meaningful part of my life, I would lay the cards down for. Gareth believed that keeping mystery was important, and that going in bit by bit over the course of the game was essential in order to keep the opposition entertained and intrigued long enough. But see, he reached the end of his game and there was no magic Ace up his sleeve, and his fiance had realized this too late.
I promised myself to go all in from then on. To turn my cards around and show them to the world, and if they didnt like what I had, then it just wasnt meant to be. Its not about strategy, or winning. Sure its all a big game. But its supposed to be fun.
So in the spirit of letting the proverbial chips fall where they may, we decided to head to another bar in the city called Q Bar, where one year ago I tested out the I Dont Want To Sleep With You Theory, a phenomenon started by your Aunt Tracey. But more on that later. We gathered up your Aunt Lauren and her friends. On the way there, wed pulled up at a red light when your Uncle Gareth decided to shout out in good spirits to a drunk stranger to Dance for Me!. Now Kids, youll learn yourselves someday that people react differently to drinking. Some people, like your old man, just keep in cheery good spirits. But for other, it rises their own insecurities and issues with the world to the surface. Just like the concept of the Relationship, this lonesome drunken stranger had lied to himself and tried to convince himself he was happy. Maybe it was Gareths comment that finally tipped him over the edge, but either way it wasnt pretty. He came running over to the car, reached in through the window with a fist and punched your Uncle Gareth in the side of the head, causing his eyebrow piercings to rip and bleed down his face. At the same time, the light turned green and I sped off. Now, it really wasnt that bad. But thats the point, all these terrible things happen to us that look completely awful on the surface, but underneath it all, its our good spirits that pull us through these dark moments. Which was proved when Gareth completely laughed it off. I stopped off at a fast food restaurant to get some Napkins when I was stopped by a cute girl looking at me completely perplexed asking What are those for? as Id grabbed a whole bunch. I told her Id just made a mess of myself which made her smile, I took this moment and took off again.
A little while later wed all reached Q Bar safe and sound, when I passed the girl from the restaurant in the stairwell, and continued to walk straight past her. See, Id only realized it was her the morning after. So I kept on walking to the bar, and came back with a drink for the injured Gareth when I spotted a really cute girl that reminded me of a girl from a band I was obsessed with at the time called Tegan & Sara. I mentioned in passing how she reminded me of a girl from a band, (who just happened to be a lesbian), and she looked insulted replying are you trying to say I look like a massive dyke!? and waved me off.
So I sat down with my drink, half zoned out by watching your Aunt Lauren perform a lap dance whilst mimicking the motions of cat, and I thought, the girl of my dreams, my ideal, would have immediately understood my reference, so maybe it just wasnt meant to be.
So there you have it kids, if I hadnt left my hair alone, Id never of learnt the importance of upfront honesty. Sometimes youre in the right at the right time but you just dont know it yet. But as long as you keep your cards faced forwards they will always lead you in the right direction.