The Purple Eyebrows
Kids,
Someone very close to me once told me that the best things in life happen after 3am. This a story about proving them wrong.
It was the Fall of 2010, in the week leading up to the Easter Holidays. Your Aunt Tracey had gone off the radar, piled up with assesments & trying to make time for the New Man in her life, despite having known him for over five years, but thats another story.
So your Old Man was flying solo, fully recovered from The Breakup, and itching to get out of the house, somewhat hesitant though without my wing-woman. See, I needed to take my mind off trying to figure out whether or not Id been put on The Hook. You know, where someone strings along your interest in them until someone better is available, or say, where they have a partner but still like to keep you as a safety net.
That previous weekend your Aunt Tracey & I attended your Aunt Laurens engagement party in a park in the city. And that was where I met Jacqueline.
Now kids, she was really pretty. When I looked at her, all I saw was a haze. As if her beauty was too much to fit into her body and was trying to escape through this glow. Jacqueline was an archaeology student whos parents owned a restaurant down town, where your Aunt Tracey & I had one of the greatest meals of our lives, but more on that later.
After spending the entire afternoon talking about such deep things as Philosophy, Star Wars, Indiana Jones and the positive aspects of Boisenberry Icecream (you can tell alot about someone by their favourite flavour), I realised she had a boyfriend. I had now reached what your Uncle Brendan likes to call The Fork. If I had immediately backed off, it would have been obvious to her that I liked her and was only ever interested in getting in her pants. A little tip I learnt after reading your Uncle Brendans old outdated PickUp book called The Game. I would later come to realise just how lame that book was, and how it would nearly curse me forever.
So I acted as If I had never even heard her say the word boyfriend. Later that afternoon, after dropping your Aunt Tracey home to begin her week of cramming, I decided to return to the Park, where I found Jacqueline waiting. She invited me to her friends 21st, and so began the adventure of the Party of Awkwardness & The Story of the Front Porch. Wait..Im getting off track here, well come back to that later.
Jump forward to Wednesday, there I am, suffering a severe lack of sleep from helping your Aunt Tracey the night before finish off a last minute assessment, and confused from the events of the past few days, when I get a message from Jacqueline asking If I was coming to see her boyfriends band play.
After throwing on my Lucky $10 Jeans I drove into the city, only able to find parking at the wrong end of Oxford St. I rushed up to only find myself there early. The Band hadnt even started yet. So, there I was, hair a mess, my shirt matted to me. Id definitely pulled of the Casual look. I tried to make it seem as if I were just in the hood and that it aint no thang. Your Grandmother always used to tell me that the reason I always thought I looked Casual was because I was really a no-good Bum. But, Kids? I assure you, it used to be a pretty cool look.
So, heres the thing. I really wanted to hate her boyfriends band, but as it turns out, they were kind of great. I hung around after they finished to watch the other acts and spend more time with this great girl I had just met. And heres the problem, Seeing a girl you like make out with her boyfriend is among one of the hardest, weirdest situations you may ever have to face.
There really is no segway into what happened next. To this very day, I still dont understand why I did it. After I left the city to go home, I remembered a 24hr KMart had just opened up around the corner from where I lived, and how your Aunt Tracey believed the only thing youd really need at 3am would be sparklers, condoms and a tiny little toy car. But I thought of another option - hair dye. I dont know whether is was some kind of identity crisis from having spent a night in a room full of energetic individuals, some kind of Impostor Phenomenon, or I was just unselfconsciously trying to impress a girl I had just met. (The irony of that being, her boyfriend and I looked similar until the events that were about to occur.) But either way, I thought the idea of dying my hair black at 3am seemed pretty Awesome.
Now Kids, at the time I was still living with your Grandparents, and hadnt yet moved into the outer city limits apartment with your Aunt Tracey, so coming home at a late hour usually meant Hell. Luckily everyone was asleep. Rather than be sensible and do the same I started to create an ungodly mess in their $20,000 bathroom in what would become known as The Wreckening. The shower looked like a crime scene. At one stage I had fallen asleep waiting for the dye to set. When I stirred I jumped in the shower but it was already too late.
There they were, staring back at me in the mirror - Purple eyebrows.
At some point while I was asleep the dye had run down my forehead and stained my usually fair eyebrows a gastly shade of evil. I scrubbed and I scrubbed but it was pointless. After accepting defeat, I crawled into bed dreading the next day at work.
See kids, back then I wasnt the semi-famous music video director you know me to be now, I was still trying to crack the Industry, find myself and all that stuff. I was giving up hope, 6 years out of Film School and I had nothing to show for it except a few amateur films Id made with your Uncle Brendan. Later, of course, would come the infamous projected I embarked on with your Aunt Lauren, the one that changed everything.
As for then, I worked in a small call centre surrounded by hip trendy 20 somethings. Facing the crowd that day was what I like to call the Taunt-let or the Marathon of Cheap Shots, & having to face my friends at your Aunt Laurens I Hate Jesus Good Friday BBQ Bonanza the next day, I knew I had to do something quick. In an unseemingly out of character move, your Grandmother saved the day. She took me to her local beautician, and after sitting through an hour of stiffled giggles I had finally begun to look semi normal again.
So the next day I was sitting on your Aunt Laurens rooftop, covering my still raw eyebrows with sunglasses, but on the look out for Jacqueline. Turns out she never turned up.
I realised, thats the thing about being on the Hook, if makes a fool of you and never lets you go. That is, until you realise you were the one just holding on after all. All you had to do is let go.
Kids,
Someone very close to me once told me that the best things in life happen after 3am. This a story about proving them wrong.
It was the Fall of 2010, in the week leading up to the Easter Holidays. Your Aunt Tracey had gone off the radar, piled up with assesments & trying to make time for the New Man in her life, despite having known him for over five years, but thats another story.
So your Old Man was flying solo, fully recovered from The Breakup, and itching to get out of the house, somewhat hesitant though without my wing-woman. See, I needed to take my mind off trying to figure out whether or not Id been put on The Hook. You know, where someone strings along your interest in them until someone better is available, or say, where they have a partner but still like to keep you as a safety net.
That previous weekend your Aunt Tracey & I attended your Aunt Laurens engagement party in a park in the city. And that was where I met Jacqueline.
Now kids, she was really pretty. When I looked at her, all I saw was a haze. As if her beauty was too much to fit into her body and was trying to escape through this glow. Jacqueline was an archaeology student whos parents owned a restaurant down town, where your Aunt Tracey & I had one of the greatest meals of our lives, but more on that later.
After spending the entire afternoon talking about such deep things as Philosophy, Star Wars, Indiana Jones and the positive aspects of Boisenberry Icecream (you can tell alot about someone by their favourite flavour), I realised she had a boyfriend. I had now reached what your Uncle Brendan likes to call The Fork. If I had immediately backed off, it would have been obvious to her that I liked her and was only ever interested in getting in her pants. A little tip I learnt after reading your Uncle Brendans old outdated PickUp book called The Game. I would later come to realise just how lame that book was, and how it would nearly curse me forever.
So I acted as If I had never even heard her say the word boyfriend. Later that afternoon, after dropping your Aunt Tracey home to begin her week of cramming, I decided to return to the Park, where I found Jacqueline waiting. She invited me to her friends 21st, and so began the adventure of the Party of Awkwardness & The Story of the Front Porch. Wait..Im getting off track here, well come back to that later.
Jump forward to Wednesday, there I am, suffering a severe lack of sleep from helping your Aunt Tracey the night before finish off a last minute assessment, and confused from the events of the past few days, when I get a message from Jacqueline asking If I was coming to see her boyfriends band play.
After throwing on my Lucky $10 Jeans I drove into the city, only able to find parking at the wrong end of Oxford St. I rushed up to only find myself there early. The Band hadnt even started yet. So, there I was, hair a mess, my shirt matted to me. Id definitely pulled of the Casual look. I tried to make it seem as if I were just in the hood and that it aint no thang. Your Grandmother always used to tell me that the reason I always thought I looked Casual was because I was really a no-good Bum. But, Kids? I assure you, it used to be a pretty cool look.
So, heres the thing. I really wanted to hate her boyfriends band, but as it turns out, they were kind of great. I hung around after they finished to watch the other acts and spend more time with this great girl I had just met. And heres the problem, Seeing a girl you like make out with her boyfriend is among one of the hardest, weirdest situations you may ever have to face.
There really is no segway into what happened next. To this very day, I still dont understand why I did it. After I left the city to go home, I remembered a 24hr KMart had just opened up around the corner from where I lived, and how your Aunt Tracey believed the only thing youd really need at 3am would be sparklers, condoms and a tiny little toy car. But I thought of another option - hair dye. I dont know whether is was some kind of identity crisis from having spent a night in a room full of energetic individuals, some kind of Impostor Phenomenon, or I was just unselfconsciously trying to impress a girl I had just met. (The irony of that being, her boyfriend and I looked similar until the events that were about to occur.) But either way, I thought the idea of dying my hair black at 3am seemed pretty Awesome.
Now Kids, at the time I was still living with your Grandparents, and hadnt yet moved into the outer city limits apartment with your Aunt Tracey, so coming home at a late hour usually meant Hell. Luckily everyone was asleep. Rather than be sensible and do the same I started to create an ungodly mess in their $20,000 bathroom in what would become known as The Wreckening. The shower looked like a crime scene. At one stage I had fallen asleep waiting for the dye to set. When I stirred I jumped in the shower but it was already too late.
There they were, staring back at me in the mirror - Purple eyebrows.
At some point while I was asleep the dye had run down my forehead and stained my usually fair eyebrows a gastly shade of evil. I scrubbed and I scrubbed but it was pointless. After accepting defeat, I crawled into bed dreading the next day at work.
See kids, back then I wasnt the semi-famous music video director you know me to be now, I was still trying to crack the Industry, find myself and all that stuff. I was giving up hope, 6 years out of Film School and I had nothing to show for it except a few amateur films Id made with your Uncle Brendan. Later, of course, would come the infamous projected I embarked on with your Aunt Lauren, the one that changed everything.
As for then, I worked in a small call centre surrounded by hip trendy 20 somethings. Facing the crowd that day was what I like to call the Taunt-let or the Marathon of Cheap Shots, & having to face my friends at your Aunt Laurens I Hate Jesus Good Friday BBQ Bonanza the next day, I knew I had to do something quick. In an unseemingly out of character move, your Grandmother saved the day. She took me to her local beautician, and after sitting through an hour of stiffled giggles I had finally begun to look semi normal again.
So the next day I was sitting on your Aunt Laurens rooftop, covering my still raw eyebrows with sunglasses, but on the look out for Jacqueline. Turns out she never turned up.
I realised, thats the thing about being on the Hook, if makes a fool of you and never lets you go. That is, until you realise you were the one just holding on after all. All you had to do is let go.