julesdoll

My mother called me yesterday. She says she has something to tell me, but that I cannot be sad.
"What do you mean I can't be sad? I won't cry if you want, but if its sad news, I won't pretend to be happy" I say to her. My thoughts were racing. What could it be?
She tells me she went in for a mammogram. The results came back. She has a cancer lump in her breast.
It's early stage, but she may still need chemo.
I was in shock. I was strong for her, told her I loved her and that I'm coming to visit.

I'm not doing so great, I'm out of it now. I cried when we got off the phone, I had to leave our friend's barbecue immediately. I don't want her to be sick! My dad already went through cancer when he was 20!
I remember when I was a baby he had no hair or eyebrows.
Now my beautiful gracious mother has to lose all of her long witchy magical hair.
I don't know what causes shit like this, I guess cancer happens? But do water bras or dairy have an effect on this kind of thing? I just don't know.

There is hope. I know I need to stay strong for her, after all we have been through, she needs me to succeed and do my best.
And after all these worms I find in the apple of life. I am still lucky to have my partner. He is my tree that grounds me when I feel I might just float away.