jukboxxrequiem

I'm in such a pickle. My roots are really growing in, and ideally, i'd like to bleach them and re apply my purple... but my hair is so effing fried right now. I'm scared to put bleach anywhere near it. I let my sister curl it the other day, I slept on it, and then tried to wash it the next morning. Holy shit. It seriously wrecked my already damaged hair. Everything feels thin, and frizzy right now, even after conditioning like crazy. I'm seriously considering dying it brown this afternoon so that I can really pile on the hair masks and deep conditioners/ oil treatments without fear of washing out my color. I love my purple hair, but I'm started to worry it's all just going to break off or fall out. That's the other thing, I was joking with people last week about just chopping all of my hair off, and now i'm seriously considering it. I'm more than a little afraid it won't suit me, or look really dyke-ish... Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's def not my style. Opinions? Seriously, i'm at the end of my rope here.

In other news, I'm officially unpacked and living at my mom's house. It's weird, and comforting at the same time. I'm not really spending a whole lot of my nights here so far though When I do it kind of sinks in just a little bit more that i'm not just on vacation. I moved, and i'm going to be sleeping alone on the regular for quite awhile. My friend Wyatt's been really great though. We dated briefly a couple of years ago, but I started dating Josh (a good friend of his) and he moved a couple hours away, so i haven't seen a whole lot of him until this last week. He drove down and drank with me from 10pm to 5am last weekend. It was awesome. I haven't seriously sat down and just talked to someone like that in so long. The after talk cuddling was great too. Sometimes that's really all you need. We actually ended up spending almost all of 3 days together holed up at one of our houses watching movies and making out. It was just really nice seeing someone else, and just feeling appreciated. OH! And he's taking me to a Roller Derby Championship match on the 19th! I'm so effing pumped. The only wrench, so to say, is that i'm trying really hard to to influence or wreck the friendship that he and my ex have .... IDK. It's not like we're dating, Wyatt fully understand that I won't be ready for any kind of dating until at least 6 months from now. It still feels weird though sometimes.

That was the other thing, the bastard's been IM'ing me every couple of days, which is usually fine. We both keep it short, friendly, and pretty safe. Last night he was feeling bad for himself i guess. He tried telling me that he finally understood that he was really 'all alone', and I had all I could do not to tell him to fuck off. It's really sad when you fuck up your life, huh? -rolls eyes- I don't know how much sympathy he thought he had built up, but right after that he tried pulling a 'so whatcha wearing tonight'? I basically laughed, and told him it was too late for that shit. I'm not even tempted to play silly little mind games with him anymore. I dont' want to flirt, at all. For the first time, I don't want him back, and it feels awesome. It's like this giant weight's been lifted off of me. I don't have to worry about his fucking ex girlfriends, or whether or not he's going to leave me, or his divorce, or any of that shit. I'm done

Anyway, to sum this all up, I'm past the drama of moving, and re starting my life.... And I feel like i'm in a pretty good place right now. I'm smoking a ton of weed, and restocking my music collection with non-sappy songs. I've deleted all the messages and pictures he's sent me, and i'm meeting other people. Go me!