jukboxxrequiem

It's been about a month since my last blog... Thing's haven been a little crazy lately. My boyfriend Josh decided to tell me around the end of january didn't know if he wanted to be in a relationship anymore. Ha... The man has great timing. Not only had we just signed a new lease on our apartment, but my friend Amanda was living with us while she was between places herself. Awesome. To make things a little less awkward, I acted like everything was normal, because, for the love of God, what was I supposed to do? Pout all day? Not likely. Because I handled it that way, Josh decided that that was how we were going to deal with it. Mostly I was acting noncholant about it because I didn't want Amanda to feel like she was caught in the middle of something... If she hadn't been around, I probably would have picked a couple fights that night/week.

But since I didn't know what to do, and neither did Josh, I decided to head up to NY for a couple weeks. Was it fun? No, not really, not the first week anyway. I was up there to give him time to get his shit together. My whole family was trying to guess what i'd really come up for, 'visiting' isn't a good enough excuse apperantly. but by the end of it i'd come out of my slump, I wasn't trying to talk to Josh, and I was just enjoying being around my mom, and my friends from highschool. Sometimes I really do miss being there, but the longer you stay the more you realize what a dead end that town can be... There aren't any jobs, the weathers shit, and so are the boyfriend options.. I don't know. My mom was really pushing to get me to stay if things went badly when i came back to VA.. Apperantly she could take my dad back to court, and he'd have to pay for my medical insurance, and my college if I decided I wanted to go.. God. I basically gave up on college when I moved away from home, I knew that even with grants, and loans, I probably wouldn't be able to afford everything on my own... rent, books, clothes, food, gas? Fuck. lol. My mom doesn't make enough to help me out at all. It's scary being completely on your own.

While I was up there I ad a lot of time to think about how committed i really am to staying with Josh, versus my alternative of going back to NY, and getting a 'free ride' basically until i'm 21. I love the man, but he's not making things easy on me. Since I've gotten back to VA, I've tried bringing up the topic of where he got while I was gone... ANd he keeps saying it's not the time to talk about it. He needs to find a good time soon, because in all honesty, I'm not going to let him keep me hanging on a thread forever. I'm torn between trying to find a job , and wondering if it's worth it because if we split i'll have to quit it. I don't know if I should bother setting p roots here... Anyway, that's where i've been.