*Warning - Tired, Stressed, Pity Rant*
It just seems like no matter how much I worry about other people, do what I can in my means to help or give my all to others I still end up being the selfish bitch, the worthless piece of sh*t. I give up, I don't know what people want from me anymore. I don't have much money, I can barely support myself let alone my family and friends. But at the same time I want to give them all the money they need to keep their heads above water, even if it meant living at home the rest of my life. But that still isn't enough I guess.
I rarely go out, I work too much and frankly I can't afford it.
Roxymonoxcide took me to Miss Kitties this last friday and while it was fun I couldn't stop thinking of my first time there. And that first kiss with my first real boyfriend. I love him and I messed up that relationship hardcore because I always believed that you had to be bitchy to make guys like you. Makes me wonder how guys even talk to me.
Nothing in my life seems content right now, nothing. Work is my only constant and that's sad. I love my job but not enough to justify working enough hours in one week to make 7 and a half days worth of work. Even on my days off I take care of my nephew, which I don't mind too much, I love that little man with every last breath in my body. I try and do everything in my power to make my mom happy, she has fibro and some days are worse than others. When it's "those" days when she is in pain I just can't stand life, I can't stand seeing her in pain. My father is stressed because his work hours got cut dramatically and money is as tight as it has ever been in my whole life. I just........want......... a break. I've wanted a mini vacation for the longest time. A couple days in a hotel somewhere, Solvang, Catalina, Santa Barbara......... re-charge the batteries and put a positive outlook back into my life. But I can't because that's way too much money. I'M SICK OF MONEY. I want to go out to eat and go to a movie without having to check my fucking account to see if I'm okay.
My dream in life used to be a house, a family and a great job. Now it's just trying to live day to day.
Dreams and Fantasies are for people with time and money.
*/rant*
*breath*
It just seems like no matter how much I worry about other people, do what I can in my means to help or give my all to others I still end up being the selfish bitch, the worthless piece of sh*t. I give up, I don't know what people want from me anymore. I don't have much money, I can barely support myself let alone my family and friends. But at the same time I want to give them all the money they need to keep their heads above water, even if it meant living at home the rest of my life. But that still isn't enough I guess.
I rarely go out, I work too much and frankly I can't afford it.
Roxymonoxcide took me to Miss Kitties this last friday and while it was fun I couldn't stop thinking of my first time there. And that first kiss with my first real boyfriend. I love him and I messed up that relationship hardcore because I always believed that you had to be bitchy to make guys like you. Makes me wonder how guys even talk to me.
Nothing in my life seems content right now, nothing. Work is my only constant and that's sad. I love my job but not enough to justify working enough hours in one week to make 7 and a half days worth of work. Even on my days off I take care of my nephew, which I don't mind too much, I love that little man with every last breath in my body. I try and do everything in my power to make my mom happy, she has fibro and some days are worse than others. When it's "those" days when she is in pain I just can't stand life, I can't stand seeing her in pain. My father is stressed because his work hours got cut dramatically and money is as tight as it has ever been in my whole life. I just........want......... a break. I've wanted a mini vacation for the longest time. A couple days in a hotel somewhere, Solvang, Catalina, Santa Barbara......... re-charge the batteries and put a positive outlook back into my life. But I can't because that's way too much money. I'M SICK OF MONEY. I want to go out to eat and go to a movie without having to check my fucking account to see if I'm okay.
My dream in life used to be a house, a family and a great job. Now it's just trying to live day to day.
Dreams and Fantasies are for people with time and money.
*/rant*
*breath*
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
And I'm back because SG offered me a good deal for a year subscription. Plus I wanted to see nekkid girls again.
To be true, I am and have been disenchanted with any and all internet correspondence with people I hardly know... It's just so impersonal and... shallow. It fills no void I may or may not have in my life that cannot be filled with rasberry or vanilla creme fillling.