judypatricia

I had reached a point where I was relatively content with being alone, and had no interest in putting myself out there for awhile, just so I could halt the growing list of Things That Others Point Out In Me That I Hate About Myself. But the shit kicks in when you see that couple, obviously in love, being cute in the same subway car as you. You make a mental dash for either side of the fence: the side that would have you sighing and already planning on running home to watch Gone with the Wind and eat ice cream straight out of the carton; or the let's-try-not-to-be-that-obvious-as-you-roll-your-eyes-and-scoff-at-their-love side. And despite what you may tell yourself, a lot of the reason you limit your hang-out time with certain friends is that they are in committed relationships, and you can take only so much of being distantly part of conversations where the only topic is their boy or girlfriend.

Then there are that special few who know how to make you feel stupid for putting up with their shit. Do you do it because you subconsciously (or even consciously) like being ignored or made to feel stupid? Not that you know of. But you do know that you care, although it tends to go wholly unnoticed or unappreciated. So you eventually come to another point where you quit making the effort and submerge yourself in school or work or both or some other thing that may or may not be good for you. Perhaps the next time someone refers to themselves as an "asshole," and questions why you like them, you should take a minute to reflect on the aggravation you've inflicted on yourself in similar situations, and give up a lot sooner. Because wondering what mood you'll find someone in that day, and not knowing how you can approach them, probably isn't a good sign.