What's on Digital Cable's PORN SELECTION?
Disatisfied with the poor quality and resolution of internet porn, I recently rented an adult film through an on demand feature my digital cable provider offers, which has a surprisingly large selection of smut, broken up into specific categories. Click on one and you'll find the titles, each accompanied by sexy but polite descriptions that give you an idea of what you're gonna get for $5.99 each, billed discreetly to your account. This one's tough, because it ain't like you can flip the box over and make an informed decision, so it's a bit of a crap shoot.
Yet, I was rather impressed my cable company offered as much porn as it does, and it's not all standard issue either. Here are the categories:
AVN Nominees
Penthouse
XXX Hard Comps
XXX Gay Comps
Love Making (pfffft!)
$3.99 Teasers
Deals! Deals! Deals!
99 cent Previews
Not in Stores
Fetish Fanatics (which does not include hardcore S&M or bondage. But it does offer titles such as "Big Cocks in Tiny Holes 2" and "Bush League" They really need to expand this section to include more bona fide fetishes)
Euro Beauties
Real Amateurs
All Asia
Beautiful Babes
Amateur-New
Back Door Lovers (I thought anal was standard issue nowadays?)
Busty (like a Russ Meyer movie but all boobs all the time - so fun!)
Couples
Interracial
Jenna Jameson
Older Women
Red Hot Features
Stag-Gonzo
Rocco Siffredi (this guy's a filth pig whose movies are all pretty raunchy. Point for ACME CABLE COMPANY)
Oral
Women in Control (no, there's no doms or Ilsa types here. It's pretty much chicks running the show with big toys, which is cool, but don't be mislead)
Bi-Transexual (was surprised to see that category, good on you, ACME CABLE COMPANY)
Erotica
Red Hot Features
Lesbian (see Women in Control for more hardcore lesbian titles)
All Male Cast
Not bad for a respectable Canadian cable company, eh? If only there was some superfreak over there who'd programme some Nunsploitation, now that would be killer. It'll never happen. You can watch a girl get double-reamed while screaming for her daddy but Catholic Nuns fucking is out of the question. Worry not, you can find those on your own. I recommend Norifumi Suzuki's School of the Holy Beast (Japan, 1974).
I guess overall digital cable porn is not bad in a pinch, especially if you're tired of pulling your goalie or flicking your Bic at your computer desk. You gotta dig around but there's a few gooduns in there. Alas, they offer no Vivid titles, which will diminish my returns because I could never live without Vivid's Janine Lindemulder. She kicks ten different kinds of dicks! Translation: My favourite porn star.
Hope this is of some use to you. Everyone's doing it behind the red curtain, we call all use tips from our fellow peers.
Oh and I almost forgot the best part! When you rent one of these movies, the following HYSTERICAL warning precedes your selection:
THE SEXUAL ACTIVITIES DEPICTED IN THID PROGRAM MAY BE MEDICALLY HARMFUL AND NOT NECESSARILY HEALTHY, SAFE, OF SUGGESTED. THEREFORE, THIS FILM IS INTENDED FOR ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
(That's just so amazing I had to write it down. It was in fact the impetus for this post.)
Currently watching :
Thriller - A Cruel Picture
Release date: 28 September, 2004
REPOST FROM MYSPACE. Had to consolidate and choose an origin point for them
Disatisfied with the poor quality and resolution of internet porn, I recently rented an adult film through an on demand feature my digital cable provider offers, which has a surprisingly large selection of smut, broken up into specific categories. Click on one and you'll find the titles, each accompanied by sexy but polite descriptions that give you an idea of what you're gonna get for $5.99 each, billed discreetly to your account. This one's tough, because it ain't like you can flip the box over and make an informed decision, so it's a bit of a crap shoot.
Yet, I was rather impressed my cable company offered as much porn as it does, and it's not all standard issue either. Here are the categories:
AVN Nominees
Penthouse
XXX Hard Comps
XXX Gay Comps
Love Making (pfffft!)
$3.99 Teasers
Deals! Deals! Deals!
99 cent Previews
Not in Stores
Fetish Fanatics (which does not include hardcore S&M or bondage. But it does offer titles such as "Big Cocks in Tiny Holes 2" and "Bush League" They really need to expand this section to include more bona fide fetishes)
Euro Beauties
Real Amateurs
All Asia
Beautiful Babes
Amateur-New
Back Door Lovers (I thought anal was standard issue nowadays?)
Busty (like a Russ Meyer movie but all boobs all the time - so fun!)
Couples
Interracial
Jenna Jameson
Older Women
Red Hot Features
Stag-Gonzo
Rocco Siffredi (this guy's a filth pig whose movies are all pretty raunchy. Point for ACME CABLE COMPANY)
Oral
Women in Control (no, there's no doms or Ilsa types here. It's pretty much chicks running the show with big toys, which is cool, but don't be mislead)
Bi-Transexual (was surprised to see that category, good on you, ACME CABLE COMPANY)
Erotica
Red Hot Features
Lesbian (see Women in Control for more hardcore lesbian titles)
All Male Cast
Not bad for a respectable Canadian cable company, eh? If only there was some superfreak over there who'd programme some Nunsploitation, now that would be killer. It'll never happen. You can watch a girl get double-reamed while screaming for her daddy but Catholic Nuns fucking is out of the question. Worry not, you can find those on your own. I recommend Norifumi Suzuki's School of the Holy Beast (Japan, 1974).
I guess overall digital cable porn is not bad in a pinch, especially if you're tired of pulling your goalie or flicking your Bic at your computer desk. You gotta dig around but there's a few gooduns in there. Alas, they offer no Vivid titles, which will diminish my returns because I could never live without Vivid's Janine Lindemulder. She kicks ten different kinds of dicks! Translation: My favourite porn star.
Hope this is of some use to you. Everyone's doing it behind the red curtain, we call all use tips from our fellow peers.
Oh and I almost forgot the best part! When you rent one of these movies, the following HYSTERICAL warning precedes your selection:
THE SEXUAL ACTIVITIES DEPICTED IN THID PROGRAM MAY BE MEDICALLY HARMFUL AND NOT NECESSARILY HEALTHY, SAFE, OF SUGGESTED. THEREFORE, THIS FILM IS INTENDED FOR ADULT AUDIENCES ONLY.
(That's just so amazing I had to write it down. It was in fact the impetus for this post.)
Currently watching :
Thriller - A Cruel Picture
Release date: 28 September, 2004
REPOST FROM MYSPACE. Had to consolidate and choose an origin point for them
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
So, there I was, TV knob in one hand, 11 year old crank in the other, getting off to negative boobs on cable.
Oh, you just brought back some fun memories!
This weekend?