hrmmm, i thought going off effexor was supposed to cure my insomnia but i'm still not sleeping so great.....maybe i really am just going insane....oh well. so things are going ok-ish. i have been getting a ton of sun which makes me so so happy. i have been reading a lot.....i finally read harry potter. i dunno if i loved it b/c it was good or b/c it was just more harry potter and i was craving a fix - but either way it was great. i like having all this time off from work. i am getting fat again b/c i keep eating (note to self: find better 'thinspiration.')but other then that i am enjoying a few days of leisure. i am slowly but surely turning into a little brown girl.....i am gratetful b/c brent has taken me riding with him a lot lately....i love it....i feel like maybe i am getting *too* comfortable (note to self: earn to not fall asleep on the back of the ducati.) so yah, my life as of late has been nothing but sit around the rat-pool reading, cultivating my chubbiness/resulting insanity, soaking up sun , doing a wee bit of work in the form of staining the deck, riding with brent, and thats about it.
ooooo, i just remembered a funny moment from yesterday....i offer to help brent stain his ginormous deck b/c its gorgeous out and i need something to do other then sit around and look hot....so he goes and gets me deck stain and a big paintbrush and sets me to work by saying, "just hold the brush and paint like you are painting your nails." - bwhahahahhaa. ok ok, it might not be that funny but it is....i don't think i've even been so blatantly sexually discrimninated aginst in my life...it was awsome. as if i don't know how to hold a fucking paintbrsh....in addition to my nails i have used a paintbrush on paper, canvas, theatrical backdrops, furniture, rooms / walls of houses, fences etc....thinking back i cannot belive he actually said that and rewally truely meant it...oy vey what does this say about the impression i give off!?!? sometimes i like being supergirly b/c it allows me to be lazy and get away with things like not carrying heavy objects. yes i can lift more then 50lbs at a time but do i want to? - oh no no. but yah, making my boyfriend feel like he has to equate a basic skill like painting a deck to a beauty routine may be taking it a bit far. plus, he knows i never paint my own nails, i always get a manicure....what kind of half-ass snobby bitch does he think i am?!....if i am to prissy to know how to paint i am definatly way to J.A.P. to paint my own nails!
In general i notice that he is a lot more sexist then i ever thought and i mean that in the best of ways. Only on rare occasion has it actually bothered me. he always offers to carry things or help me with really easy tasks. its very gentlemen like and while its old fashioned, i apprciate it. its nice sometims to feel feminie and protected. not that i want to be thought of as a codependant weaking in the tradictional sense but its nice to think about in a gershwin-esque "someone to watch over me," kind of way. plus its adorable when he asks me if i need help with things like carrying a cinderblock (obviously much to heavy for weak woman arms that are only used to the strenuos work of doing laundry, vacuming, baking pies, and giving hand-jobs.) but in general i think his momma did a very good job rasing him with good southern-esque values....girls want/need to be treated like equals but i know that i at least also love being treated like a girl....
on a not so girly note, yesterday we went to the car show and while i can tell brent thinks maybe i didn't have fun (i was in a selfabsoredquietjovana mood last night) i really did...i think i am in love with old '68 / '69 camero's and simply must fuck in the backseat of one someday. also a black convertable suicide door bit o' goodness is oh so destiny! i need a suga-daddy to buy me large chunks of diamond, old cars, latex clothing, and other such presents. but yah, i did actually have a nice time last night - i wish he would understand that me going to a car show with him is probably a lot like him going shoe shopping with me (to use another somewhat sexist analogy.) i can appriciate a nice car but (as a girl) i don't know anything about them or anything about under the hood business....its not something i dislike but its just not a passion of mine. he doesn't know this season's prada or that, "pink is the new black" anymore then i know the differnece btwn a V6 and a V12. (tho he does get points for knowing the "t-zone") i enjoy going to things like last night b/c i learn a little something new, i like doing things with him that he like....seeing him smile makes me happy, and in general i just like spending time with him even if i am seeming a bit lackluster.
(interrupting this entry to say "oh my fucking a god a bug just flew into my eye! ewwwwww! ohio in the summer is the buggiest place of all time and it doesn't help that brent lives in bfe / bug heaven with a forrest of bug breeding ground right outside his backdoor. i think i'm gonna go blind....at least it deosn't sting as bad as....errr....tmi.)
yesterday i also went and did the bikini wax thing. my waxer wasn't great and i was pissed that she charged me for a full brazillion even tho i had alreday waxed over 1/2 the hair off myself. i wish they charged by time....1/2 hour is supposed to be for a bikini and 45 for a brazillion in schedualing...or at least thats what nicole the waxer told me. my waxing took less then 20 minutes and even she said i have really really easy hair to rip out. paying 60$ plus tip for 20 min seems a bit extreme, at that rate she could have at least rubbed one out for me. but yah, i think i REALLY need to look into permanant hair removal....60-70$ a month not to mention the time and effort i put into upkeep is a bit steep....if i can pay 100$ and hour for permanant artwork i should have no qualms with paying that much to have my hair burned out with a lazer....but it was a good salon so today i am getting my hair done. i will be back to sassyblackpsuedogothhair by noonish tomarrow. thank god i finally found a place to get work done(thank you brents step-momma) its an aveda salon and there are a ton of articles on it in various magazines....sandy, my colourist for tomarrow has consistantly been voted the top in cleveland....there was even a blurb about her in allure....i'm glad to know i am in good hands.
well thats pretty much it for the superficial list of whats been going on in my day to day. of course, there is a bit more....i've had some interesting mental meanderings in the last few weeks or so but i'm not really sure how to put any of it into words. maybe there just aren't any? and even if i knew how, woudl i really want to? should i? for now i think i'll just keep them tucked away in my mind, i can understand them better there....
ooooo, i just remembered a funny moment from yesterday....i offer to help brent stain his ginormous deck b/c its gorgeous out and i need something to do other then sit around and look hot....so he goes and gets me deck stain and a big paintbrush and sets me to work by saying, "just hold the brush and paint like you are painting your nails." - bwhahahahhaa. ok ok, it might not be that funny but it is....i don't think i've even been so blatantly sexually discrimninated aginst in my life...it was awsome. as if i don't know how to hold a fucking paintbrsh....in addition to my nails i have used a paintbrush on paper, canvas, theatrical backdrops, furniture, rooms / walls of houses, fences etc....thinking back i cannot belive he actually said that and rewally truely meant it...oy vey what does this say about the impression i give off!?!? sometimes i like being supergirly b/c it allows me to be lazy and get away with things like not carrying heavy objects. yes i can lift more then 50lbs at a time but do i want to? - oh no no. but yah, making my boyfriend feel like he has to equate a basic skill like painting a deck to a beauty routine may be taking it a bit far. plus, he knows i never paint my own nails, i always get a manicure....what kind of half-ass snobby bitch does he think i am?!....if i am to prissy to know how to paint i am definatly way to J.A.P. to paint my own nails!
In general i notice that he is a lot more sexist then i ever thought and i mean that in the best of ways. Only on rare occasion has it actually bothered me. he always offers to carry things or help me with really easy tasks. its very gentlemen like and while its old fashioned, i apprciate it. its nice sometims to feel feminie and protected. not that i want to be thought of as a codependant weaking in the tradictional sense but its nice to think about in a gershwin-esque "someone to watch over me," kind of way. plus its adorable when he asks me if i need help with things like carrying a cinderblock (obviously much to heavy for weak woman arms that are only used to the strenuos work of doing laundry, vacuming, baking pies, and giving hand-jobs.) but in general i think his momma did a very good job rasing him with good southern-esque values....girls want/need to be treated like equals but i know that i at least also love being treated like a girl....
on a not so girly note, yesterday we went to the car show and while i can tell brent thinks maybe i didn't have fun (i was in a selfabsoredquietjovana mood last night) i really did...i think i am in love with old '68 / '69 camero's and simply must fuck in the backseat of one someday. also a black convertable suicide door bit o' goodness is oh so destiny! i need a suga-daddy to buy me large chunks of diamond, old cars, latex clothing, and other such presents. but yah, i did actually have a nice time last night - i wish he would understand that me going to a car show with him is probably a lot like him going shoe shopping with me (to use another somewhat sexist analogy.) i can appriciate a nice car but (as a girl) i don't know anything about them or anything about under the hood business....its not something i dislike but its just not a passion of mine. he doesn't know this season's prada or that, "pink is the new black" anymore then i know the differnece btwn a V6 and a V12. (tho he does get points for knowing the "t-zone") i enjoy going to things like last night b/c i learn a little something new, i like doing things with him that he like....seeing him smile makes me happy, and in general i just like spending time with him even if i am seeming a bit lackluster.
(interrupting this entry to say "oh my fucking a god a bug just flew into my eye! ewwwwww! ohio in the summer is the buggiest place of all time and it doesn't help that brent lives in bfe / bug heaven with a forrest of bug breeding ground right outside his backdoor. i think i'm gonna go blind....at least it deosn't sting as bad as....errr....tmi.)
yesterday i also went and did the bikini wax thing. my waxer wasn't great and i was pissed that she charged me for a full brazillion even tho i had alreday waxed over 1/2 the hair off myself. i wish they charged by time....1/2 hour is supposed to be for a bikini and 45 for a brazillion in schedualing...or at least thats what nicole the waxer told me. my waxing took less then 20 minutes and even she said i have really really easy hair to rip out. paying 60$ plus tip for 20 min seems a bit extreme, at that rate she could have at least rubbed one out for me. but yah, i think i REALLY need to look into permanant hair removal....60-70$ a month not to mention the time and effort i put into upkeep is a bit steep....if i can pay 100$ and hour for permanant artwork i should have no qualms with paying that much to have my hair burned out with a lazer....but it was a good salon so today i am getting my hair done. i will be back to sassyblackpsuedogothhair by noonish tomarrow. thank god i finally found a place to get work done(thank you brents step-momma) its an aveda salon and there are a ton of articles on it in various magazines....sandy, my colourist for tomarrow has consistantly been voted the top in cleveland....there was even a blurb about her in allure....i'm glad to know i am in good hands.
well thats pretty much it for the superficial list of whats been going on in my day to day. of course, there is a bit more....i've had some interesting mental meanderings in the last few weeks or so but i'm not really sure how to put any of it into words. maybe there just aren't any? and even if i knew how, woudl i really want to? should i? for now i think i'll just keep them tucked away in my mind, i can understand them better there....