I'm writing this on here because I know no one will actually read it, yet I would like to get it out, finally. I'm sick of keeping it inside and recently all my friends seem to have banished. After breaking my back and leaving the Navy due to the injure, having to change my lifestyle they seem to have liked my wallet more then me, but whatever.
I work 65 hours a week right now and only get naps, I haven't been in my bed for 3 days and that's not unusual these days, I work at a gym and graveyard security so going out and meeting new people isn't in my schedule and with my social anxiety, and lack of self confidence it makes it that much worse, so I tend to lock myself in my apartment and sleep on the few hours I get to myself.
At my security job there is this girl that checks out keys from my every morning at about 430 and since its never busy at that time she usually talks to me for a few minutes, and she's pretty cute, but me being me I cant ask her for her number or even that I think she has a cute smile, so i'm saying it on here even though she wont ever no. In my head I think her or someone else will walk into my life in a positive way magically without me having to say anything, but I know the world doesn't work that way and I will probably be doomed to be alone, which is a blessing and a curse.
I also go to school full time which isn't easy with my work but I need to get an education so I can actually do something with my life, being as im the only one in my family without a degree, I go t o class take notes do my work, and leave with out saying a word to anyone most days, sometime this makes me happy but mostly I get down because I don't get human contact, which is the only way to get passed my insecurities, its basically a never ending loop of trying to get passed myself but keeping myself from actually doing it.
Thank you to anyone who spent the time reading this. All I ask is if you're in class or anywhere really and there is someone who looks down or lonely, say hello and ask them how they are doing and actually mean it, it could save someone's day and get them to smile, possibly for the first time that day. Thank you again.
Josh
