An open letter to Terri Hatcher.
Dear Terri,
Shut the fuck up. You suck, your show sucks, and I wouldn't bang you with a stolen dick. If I have to endure one more minute of why your co-stars are mad at you because you were in the center of the Vanity Fair cover shoot (it was all over the tv today, 5 different stations simultaneously featuring the story) I'm going to get Dean Cain to fly around the world backwards, reversing time, just so he can un-cast you as Lois Lane and I'll never have to sit through another minute of your whining or your co-star's whining or another god damn Radio Shack commercial. Seriously, you've got millions, quit the business and fade away peacefully.
Josh
In other, more gross generalization news, I don't know what the deal is with you women, but you use entirely way too much toilet paper. I understand you have to use it more than us dudes do, but come on, I put out a new roll yesterday and it's all gone tonight. I can't fucking wait for Janet to get her toilet fixed so that she can stop using mine. So much so that I may just fix it myself. She replaced my gameboy with a Home and Garden magazine, which wouldn't have been so bad if the pages were useable as toilet paper since I've been seeming to run out every other day, but the paper just cuts and hurts. I'm going to run a little experiment. I'll get a roll of toilet paper, and set it to the side so only I will use it. I will use the same amount every time I go to the bathroom, and I will see how long it takes me to go through the roll. If it lasts more than 2 days, I never want to hear "But we use more" as an excuse ever again. To make it fair, I will drink a gallon of water a day, despite which, I still think I'll be able to make it at least 4 days on one roll of t.p..
In honor of my 2 steps foward, 3 steps back policy, I have been losing weight, but tonight found an all you can eat pizza place buffet. For 3.99, they offer all you can eat pizza, pasta, salad, and dessert. I almost made out with the owner as soon as I found this all out, but he was a dude and my mouth was full of pizza. It will be all the will power I have to not go to this place every other night and gorge myself. Looks like it's back to drinking Red Bull to fill my addictive personality urges.
I got my money in the mail today. For the last month, Janet has been screaming about it, and when it finally comes in, she refuses to take me to the bank, but instead goes to the beach... to meet a dude... she met after purchasing a 240,000 dollar condo for someone who can't be there physically, but swears he'll pay her back with interest. Seriously, if you took the slutty-ness of Laurie from That 70's Show, multiplied it by the whoreishness of Kelly Bundy, and raised it to business sense of a 2nd grader degree, then poured it all into a 52 year old woman of a shell, you'd have my mom.
On another plus note, she is driving me out to Pompano to buy a motorcycle. I rule. Vrooom Vroooooooom.
Dear Terri,
Shut the fuck up. You suck, your show sucks, and I wouldn't bang you with a stolen dick. If I have to endure one more minute of why your co-stars are mad at you because you were in the center of the Vanity Fair cover shoot (it was all over the tv today, 5 different stations simultaneously featuring the story) I'm going to get Dean Cain to fly around the world backwards, reversing time, just so he can un-cast you as Lois Lane and I'll never have to sit through another minute of your whining or your co-star's whining or another god damn Radio Shack commercial. Seriously, you've got millions, quit the business and fade away peacefully.
Josh
In other, more gross generalization news, I don't know what the deal is with you women, but you use entirely way too much toilet paper. I understand you have to use it more than us dudes do, but come on, I put out a new roll yesterday and it's all gone tonight. I can't fucking wait for Janet to get her toilet fixed so that she can stop using mine. So much so that I may just fix it myself. She replaced my gameboy with a Home and Garden magazine, which wouldn't have been so bad if the pages were useable as toilet paper since I've been seeming to run out every other day, but the paper just cuts and hurts. I'm going to run a little experiment. I'll get a roll of toilet paper, and set it to the side so only I will use it. I will use the same amount every time I go to the bathroom, and I will see how long it takes me to go through the roll. If it lasts more than 2 days, I never want to hear "But we use more" as an excuse ever again. To make it fair, I will drink a gallon of water a day, despite which, I still think I'll be able to make it at least 4 days on one roll of t.p..
In honor of my 2 steps foward, 3 steps back policy, I have been losing weight, but tonight found an all you can eat pizza place buffet. For 3.99, they offer all you can eat pizza, pasta, salad, and dessert. I almost made out with the owner as soon as I found this all out, but he was a dude and my mouth was full of pizza. It will be all the will power I have to not go to this place every other night and gorge myself. Looks like it's back to drinking Red Bull to fill my addictive personality urges.
I got my money in the mail today. For the last month, Janet has been screaming about it, and when it finally comes in, she refuses to take me to the bank, but instead goes to the beach... to meet a dude... she met after purchasing a 240,000 dollar condo for someone who can't be there physically, but swears he'll pay her back with interest. Seriously, if you took the slutty-ness of Laurie from That 70's Show, multiplied it by the whoreishness of Kelly Bundy, and raised it to business sense of a 2nd grader degree, then poured it all into a 52 year old woman of a shell, you'd have my mom.
On another plus note, she is driving me out to Pompano to buy a motorcycle. I rule. Vrooom Vroooooooom.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
Like yesterday my shoe came untied and i couldnt bend over and tie it cause wal-mart would have seen my ass. So, i had to have someone do it for me.
the one benefit was it was easy to pee. just lift and sit.
xip