Just another boring blog... not as good as the other one though
During the past 4 or 5 months I have been here in Iraq, a new light has shed new things upon me. I have become much more mature (hard to believe), I lost all focus and attention to video games, My mind has become clear, Working right now is the only thing that I can do without getting bored. I can't even sleep half the time and Everytime I try to close my eyes and just force myself to sleep...I don't know, but my body fights sleep and somehow I stay awake and practically do nothing. I have been alcohol deprived and I am about to quit smoking. I am currently with a beautiful woman that I love, and I couldn't be happier, but yet I feel like everything around me has ceased or slowed to a crawl. I can see the day go by on the east coast while I sit in my bed doing nothing for hours on end. I bought a brand new 360 game the other day called 'Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway' and from what you read or see it is a very good game. But when I put the game in to play it, I found myself turning it off in less than 5 minutes. I think the game was pretty good, but I don't find any excitement in playing it. Or any other game for that matter. I eat one meal a day and most of the time it is a grilled cheese and some french fries. Having the same everything every day. I have developed a pattern which I can't break. It includes working, eating once, working, go back to the room, try to find something to do, pass out eventually, repeat. I cannot shake it. I have tried to do other things, I used to play poker (was making a killing) and stopped shortly after. I played video games constantly, stopped playing those. Used to go by a few people's rooms and chill, stopped leaving mine. I have become no more than a rat locked in a cage with the key, and no desire to escape it. I am not emo, or suicidal by any means, I am not depressed, I am very happy with my life, but bored on a daily basis. I kind of want to get drunk, but I have turned down every chance I had since I have been here. I have a constant concern that when I do something messed up, I will end up screwing everyone over. I have no fears and I never really had. I had a childhood dislike against german shepards when I was a kid, because I was four...nine stiches.End of story... I will go further into detail if you request me to. But I like to leave out all of the juicy details just to make people want more. Me personally, I think that I have had some thing happen to me recently and I can't remember it for the life of me. I have a great long term memory...Like for instance...Coke machine, Torn pants, light posts/rainy day, cosmic brownies/ coffee cakes, firewater, jagermeister, poking smot, petting the scrat, Walking home from someones sisters house..., Elementary school, court, Albany, CT, Cops/Fire/people...HA, streaking...edmunds...lol..., sobe bottle..............Like I said that is only some of the things that I will never forget... (If you have absolutely no I idea what I am talking about or you weren't with me when these thing where going on. But, I am not the least bit shy, ask away... And as a side note here, If anyone has any questions for me about anything...and I mean anything... Just ask! I will answer every question honestly because I find no point in lying or keeping things inside. I used to keep things to myself but It....just doesn't work. My entire life, people have had hard times determining whether or not I am happy/upset/ or angry. I have a sort of emotionless state that people see me as. I have had many people talk to me about my feelings. I am a little cold hearted and kind of hated for some things I have said or done in my life, but I have valid explainations for everything I do. Whether they make sense to you or not, I really don't care. I do care for everyone that was part of my life. Even those of the smallest factors. I care about my enemies and my friends alike. Because the enemies in life are just as big of factors as your closest friends. I have sat here typing this for probably 20 minutes now, so I am going to read over it and see if there is anything I missed so far....brb...back. Going back on about people asking me questions. By anything that you can ask me, I seriously do mean anything. If you want to know my favorite color, ask. My favorite thing to do, ask, How many times I have had sex, ask. Why I joined the Marine Corps, ask....are you seeing a trend here. I am not afraid to answer any questions. If you want to know exactly what I think of you, ask. I might not juice up what I think of you to make you feel better, but you'll at least know where some of your flaws are, and maybe that will help you become a better person. You will know that I won't lie. I have had too many lies thrown in my face. And if ANYONE tries to say that I lie to them, I dare you to try and prove it. I will give you an assload of money if you catch me in a lie. I told my ex once that my friends were drinking and wanted to go to the club. I was the DD (Designated Driver). It was a Stripclub, I told her. No remorse, I don't lie. A few days later after ignoring my calls, she calls me and breaks up with me because she doesn't "trust me". I didn't fight for her back, One thing to understand, If you end it with me, and you regret it, your loss. I don't go back on what I say. Another fun time. I once was dating this chick and I had cheated on her, the very next day, I called her and told her the truth. Why lie and end up hurting her more. She wanted to "work things out". But I don't believe in that. I broke it off, because that is one of the lowest things you can do in my book. Also, if you have a problem with me, grow some fucking balls and tell me. I was dating this one chick, I was a lot younger than I am now, and she wanted to dump me sooo badly but she couldn't find a way to do it. So she tries so many things... Never worked, I was stubborn. So she ended up breaking up with me. I am still great friends with her now. But you just can't let past relationships weigh you down. There is one person in my life, that I would say that pisses me off very much so, but I won't say that, because contradictory to the common belief, I do not hate her. I am even going to say her name...Jillian. Everybody "knows" a part of that story, but I highly doubt anyone knows all of it, except for her and me. I don't hate her, I don't like her. But I would not get all pissed off if I saw her again, I would treat her just as I treat anyone else. I don't hold grudges on anyone, except for myself. Cheating, that is a grudge that I will never forgive myself for. And everytime I enter a relationship, I tell them exactly what went about. And honesty, sometimes helps you more than you think. Gossip is everywhere!!! Well once again feel free to ask questions, make comments, or even insult me, as long as I see it...I don't believe in talking behind peoples back and I really don't like anonymosity
During the past 4 or 5 months I have been here in Iraq, a new light has shed new things upon me. I have become much more mature (hard to believe), I lost all focus and attention to video games, My mind has become clear, Working right now is the only thing that I can do without getting bored. I can't even sleep half the time and Everytime I try to close my eyes and just force myself to sleep...I don't know, but my body fights sleep and somehow I stay awake and practically do nothing. I have been alcohol deprived and I am about to quit smoking. I am currently with a beautiful woman that I love, and I couldn't be happier, but yet I feel like everything around me has ceased or slowed to a crawl. I can see the day go by on the east coast while I sit in my bed doing nothing for hours on end. I bought a brand new 360 game the other day called 'Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway' and from what you read or see it is a very good game. But when I put the game in to play it, I found myself turning it off in less than 5 minutes. I think the game was pretty good, but I don't find any excitement in playing it. Or any other game for that matter. I eat one meal a day and most of the time it is a grilled cheese and some french fries. Having the same everything every day. I have developed a pattern which I can't break. It includes working, eating once, working, go back to the room, try to find something to do, pass out eventually, repeat. I cannot shake it. I have tried to do other things, I used to play poker (was making a killing) and stopped shortly after. I played video games constantly, stopped playing those. Used to go by a few people's rooms and chill, stopped leaving mine. I have become no more than a rat locked in a cage with the key, and no desire to escape it. I am not emo, or suicidal by any means, I am not depressed, I am very happy with my life, but bored on a daily basis. I kind of want to get drunk, but I have turned down every chance I had since I have been here. I have a constant concern that when I do something messed up, I will end up screwing everyone over. I have no fears and I never really had. I had a childhood dislike against german shepards when I was a kid, because I was four...nine stiches.End of story... I will go further into detail if you request me to. But I like to leave out all of the juicy details just to make people want more. Me personally, I think that I have had some thing happen to me recently and I can't remember it for the life of me. I have a great long term memory...Like for instance...Coke machine, Torn pants, light posts/rainy day, cosmic brownies/ coffee cakes, firewater, jagermeister, poking smot, petting the scrat, Walking home from someones sisters house..., Elementary school, court, Albany, CT, Cops/Fire/people...HA, streaking...edmunds...lol..., sobe bottle..............Like I said that is only some of the things that I will never forget... (If you have absolutely no I idea what I am talking about or you weren't with me when these thing where going on. But, I am not the least bit shy, ask away... And as a side note here, If anyone has any questions for me about anything...and I mean anything... Just ask! I will answer every question honestly because I find no point in lying or keeping things inside. I used to keep things to myself but It....just doesn't work. My entire life, people have had hard times determining whether or not I am happy/upset/ or angry. I have a sort of emotionless state that people see me as. I have had many people talk to me about my feelings. I am a little cold hearted and kind of hated for some things I have said or done in my life, but I have valid explainations for everything I do. Whether they make sense to you or not, I really don't care. I do care for everyone that was part of my life. Even those of the smallest factors. I care about my enemies and my friends alike. Because the enemies in life are just as big of factors as your closest friends. I have sat here typing this for probably 20 minutes now, so I am going to read over it and see if there is anything I missed so far....brb...back. Going back on about people asking me questions. By anything that you can ask me, I seriously do mean anything. If you want to know my favorite color, ask. My favorite thing to do, ask, How many times I have had sex, ask. Why I joined the Marine Corps, ask....are you seeing a trend here. I am not afraid to answer any questions. If you want to know exactly what I think of you, ask. I might not juice up what I think of you to make you feel better, but you'll at least know where some of your flaws are, and maybe that will help you become a better person. You will know that I won't lie. I have had too many lies thrown in my face. And if ANYONE tries to say that I lie to them, I dare you to try and prove it. I will give you an assload of money if you catch me in a lie. I told my ex once that my friends were drinking and wanted to go to the club. I was the DD (Designated Driver). It was a Stripclub, I told her. No remorse, I don't lie. A few days later after ignoring my calls, she calls me and breaks up with me because she doesn't "trust me". I didn't fight for her back, One thing to understand, If you end it with me, and you regret it, your loss. I don't go back on what I say. Another fun time. I once was dating this chick and I had cheated on her, the very next day, I called her and told her the truth. Why lie and end up hurting her more. She wanted to "work things out". But I don't believe in that. I broke it off, because that is one of the lowest things you can do in my book. Also, if you have a problem with me, grow some fucking balls and tell me. I was dating this one chick, I was a lot younger than I am now, and she wanted to dump me sooo badly but she couldn't find a way to do it. So she tries so many things... Never worked, I was stubborn. So she ended up breaking up with me. I am still great friends with her now. But you just can't let past relationships weigh you down. There is one person in my life, that I would say that pisses me off very much so, but I won't say that, because contradictory to the common belief, I do not hate her. I am even going to say her name...Jillian. Everybody "knows" a part of that story, but I highly doubt anyone knows all of it, except for her and me. I don't hate her, I don't like her. But I would not get all pissed off if I saw her again, I would treat her just as I treat anyone else. I don't hold grudges on anyone, except for myself. Cheating, that is a grudge that I will never forgive myself for. And everytime I enter a relationship, I tell them exactly what went about. And honesty, sometimes helps you more than you think. Gossip is everywhere!!! Well once again feel free to ask questions, make comments, or even insult me, as long as I see it...I don't believe in talking behind peoples back and I really don't like anonymosity