Last night I had a dream about my dad.
My father died August 10th.
He was a terrible person in this dream. To me only. My mom was around, they could interact no problem. She went about her business. I was holed up in my room just delaying being captured by him. I don't know why he would be trying to hurt me. I was working out a plan to escape my room. It went on for a long time.
By the end I had to scream at him that he died. He didn't know it, but he died. We missed him so much that our love brought him back. and this is what he was doing to me.
I don't get any of it. My dad was not a bad person, especially to me.
I really loved my dad.
He was crazy. He had a disease that made him crazy. By the end he acted crazy because of his disease.
It still never bothered me though because I loved him.
My mom says bad things about him all the time now. Never for no reason. Per se. She finds reasons. Anytime she throws something out it becomes a speech about how my father loved to buy things and own things. He'd never throw anything out. She hates belongings and feel so great to be throwing things out. Not awful to say. No reason to say. Not even true to say. It is followed up by a ongoing assault on what he would spend what money for, and why, and how glad she is my brother and I did not get this trait from him.
This happens a lot. Not with belongings though. With everything. How ridiculous my father was about things. And how we could have been like him. How happy she is that we didn't. This is the strongest image I have of my father now. My mothers pride that her children are not like him.
We are though.
And I guess no matter why you end up crazy.....it would be harder for a spouse to understand than a child. I don't love him for anything he does or is. Only because he's my father.
My father died August 10th.
He was a terrible person in this dream. To me only. My mom was around, they could interact no problem. She went about her business. I was holed up in my room just delaying being captured by him. I don't know why he would be trying to hurt me. I was working out a plan to escape my room. It went on for a long time.
By the end I had to scream at him that he died. He didn't know it, but he died. We missed him so much that our love brought him back. and this is what he was doing to me.
I don't get any of it. My dad was not a bad person, especially to me.
I really loved my dad.
He was crazy. He had a disease that made him crazy. By the end he acted crazy because of his disease.
It still never bothered me though because I loved him.
My mom says bad things about him all the time now. Never for no reason. Per se. She finds reasons. Anytime she throws something out it becomes a speech about how my father loved to buy things and own things. He'd never throw anything out. She hates belongings and feel so great to be throwing things out. Not awful to say. No reason to say. Not even true to say. It is followed up by a ongoing assault on what he would spend what money for, and why, and how glad she is my brother and I did not get this trait from him.
This happens a lot. Not with belongings though. With everything. How ridiculous my father was about things. And how we could have been like him. How happy she is that we didn't. This is the strongest image I have of my father now. My mothers pride that her children are not like him.
We are though.
And I guess no matter why you end up crazy.....it would be harder for a spouse to understand than a child. I don't love him for anything he does or is. Only because he's my father.
my dad died on august 1 i miss him like crazy and just posted a blog about a dream i had about him. tooo weird.