A beautiful gift from a beautiful lady...this display of emotion sits propped up against my bookshelf. Every day it is a reminder to make a decision and find it a home. "There are so many places that I want to live," it says to me on some days, on others it is a quiet reminder of a past.
Yesterday, in my 'mad-cleaning-for-clarity' session, I came across my brother's old baseball hat. He played in high school, and it's one of the two things I have left from him. He's been gone from me for six years now. I felt as though someone was squeezing me from the inside out, pushing my limits, making every breath both an effort and a reward. I held it's tattered material against my chest and closed my eyes in reflection.
Cleaning resumed, and as I was making my rounds with the Windex, I stopped at the framed photo above, still propped up in it's foster-home setting. I lowered to the floor, sat Indian-style in front of it, and gazed at the moment forever captured in my living room. I looked at the wide, open limbs, strong sturdy base, and remembered. I didn't know what I was reflecting back on, I just knew that it swam through me like a warm bath, soothing, yet on the verge of suffocation.
I hadn't realized the tears were falling until I felt the drop fall on my hand that was resting on my lap. Memories flooded me with emotion, swirling my body along an unpredictable rocky path. I let go...without apology, and left myself completely vulnerable to the moment.
I'm not sure how long I sat there, until I was done, or until it was done with me. I wiped my face and in the glass saw my reflection. Red eyes in the sky, streaked cheeks in the limbs, hair framing the girl who lives inside. It was that moment that I knew why I loved this picture so much.
It wasn't until a friend pointed it out to me today, the connection to the two. Finding the hat and reflecting in the picture....and I agree that the two must have had something to do with one another, the good news is...i find peace in the mystery of why.
This has teased my need for my walls to be filled with meaning. This is my new passion, what is yours?
VIEW 20 of 20 COMMENTS
supernovice:
Yeah, and I think you gave the Jean Paul G. tohat you got me to Jerry, eh?
unique3:
thanks hun but there's nothing you can do really. it's just my car is broke and I need to find a new job and get a new car. seems impossible. if I dont do it..I cant afford to live here anymore and I have to move. without my bf possibly. too sad to think about. but I'm trying to make it..I'm desperatly looking for a job and keeping my fingers crossed on a new car. we'll see what the bank says. 