This morning I'm obsessed it seems with playing with my ring. The ring that used to fit firmly on my left hand ring finger, is now loose and twirly. Probably why I'm so inclined to twist it round and round my finger all of a sudden. Blame the excessive amounts of coffee this morning, blame the Tuesday issues that seem to have embedded themselves inside me, only to resurface today, blame the fact that I miss my dad so much today it hurts to breathe.
It's a wedding ring that I wear. It was part of my mom and dad's wedding set, and I love it. It's become a part of my hand, and I love when the sunshine hits the diamonds and I'm surrounded by crystal reminders of happy times. I imagine my dad, who was quite the romantic, down on his knee, giving it to my mom. Her wearing it on the day I was born, and squeezing his hand so hard it dented his hand. I remember sitting in church with them as a little girl, and twisting it on her finger as she rested her arm around my shoulders. I remember then crying when she gave it to me three years ago at Christmas, and never leaving a room without it on my hand from that point on. I love this ring, it possess a beauty that I've never known.
Last night I was reminded once again that this time...of trust and security, is long gone. Time to grow up and understand that I was very fortunate to have had that for as long as I did, and realize that the best solution is to take what I have learned and apply it to the family that I'll someday help create. Pay it forward, right? Isn't that how it works? Am I selfish for wanting this for myself? Am I spoiled for having that love and secure feeling for so long? Rhetoric...no need for answers.
Solemn today...I'm sure the result of starting another 3-6 months of intense medical attention. It's astounding how when things seem to pile up, those who stand with a shovel, ready to dig you out. I'm very lucky, yes, by god I am, but all I can see today is how much I'm missing. The pessimistic beast has eaten the goddess of optimism. If anyone has any that I can borrow, I will pay you back 10-fold.
No question for today...share something happy with me?
It's a wedding ring that I wear. It was part of my mom and dad's wedding set, and I love it. It's become a part of my hand, and I love when the sunshine hits the diamonds and I'm surrounded by crystal reminders of happy times. I imagine my dad, who was quite the romantic, down on his knee, giving it to my mom. Her wearing it on the day I was born, and squeezing his hand so hard it dented his hand. I remember sitting in church with them as a little girl, and twisting it on her finger as she rested her arm around my shoulders. I remember then crying when she gave it to me three years ago at Christmas, and never leaving a room without it on my hand from that point on. I love this ring, it possess a beauty that I've never known.
Last night I was reminded once again that this time...of trust and security, is long gone. Time to grow up and understand that I was very fortunate to have had that for as long as I did, and realize that the best solution is to take what I have learned and apply it to the family that I'll someday help create. Pay it forward, right? Isn't that how it works? Am I selfish for wanting this for myself? Am I spoiled for having that love and secure feeling for so long? Rhetoric...no need for answers.
Solemn today...I'm sure the result of starting another 3-6 months of intense medical attention. It's astounding how when things seem to pile up, those who stand with a shovel, ready to dig you out. I'm very lucky, yes, by god I am, but all I can see today is how much I'm missing. The pessimistic beast has eaten the goddess of optimism. If anyone has any that I can borrow, I will pay you back 10-fold.
No question for today...share something happy with me?
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with all this coughing going on...i hope i don't get sick!
XOXO
good morning.