josephene

Happy Veteran's Day...be sure to say thank you.

Last night, slipping into the cool soft sheets on the beautiful oasis that I call my bed, my mind was being pulled into so many different directions, it was hard to relax. Then out of no where I thought of him. And I want to share with you the story of him, because it's truly one of the most remarkable times in my life. He's one person that I whether I see him again or not, he will always have a piece of my heart. This is the story (my apology for the length):

His name was Jason, or "Jay" as he was referred to. He was one of those typical "don't hate the playa, hate the game" kinda guys. His reputation was always three clicks ahead of him. So, I heard all about him from our swooning waitresses and bartender before he ever made his way up to my deejay booth. At this point in my life, I found myself as entertainment coordinator for my uncles night club...(nepotism at its finest, if you will), the only job I have ever loved more than the one I currently hold.

On a busy Thursday night, he welcomed himself into my space of insanity, insisting on my attention, and arrogantly expecting it based on his past experiences with our staff. A sexy smile without manners or respect to back it, doesn't get you too far with me and my patience. So, blowing off his music request didn't appeal to the fragile ego behind the big talk of this playa. Writing him off without a second thought, until our paths crossed again.

A constant figure in the place of happenings, it would have been difficult to not notice him or the entourage that surrounded him. Or, at the very least, the broken hearts he trailed behind him in his quest, left him in the spotlight, and in turn, the most desired of the desirable. It wasn't until a night of play, on my night off that he caught my attention though.

It was typical night of Karaoke, a chance to be a star. It's easy to shine in a room of darkness. I loved the attention that my voice brought to me, and loved "working the room." Always the extrovert, helped slightly by my smooth long neck friend I sported with me. The song was called "When You Say Nothing At All." Allison Krause sang it, but it's an old Keith Whitley tune. Singing, doing my thing, I didn't notice Jason come up to the platform or notice him grab the extra mic off the stand. I did notice when I heard that voice. Presumptuous, of course, stunning, without a doubt. I can still hear his voice, after all these years, in my head. It's one of those that you won't soon forget, and I don't believe I ever will.

Shivers ran up and down my body at the sound of our voices together. It was as if they were made for one another. One of those sounds that is inexpressible in the form of words, so I'm not even going to try.

This moment birthed a new found respect for one another, and I found myself talking to him into the wee hours of the morning. Then, week after week, we would meet on Wednesday nights to sing and talk. A playful flirting was always trumped by the reputation he had created for himself. Looking back now, I wonder if I was too judgmental, but I also understand holding a job like I did, being naive, wasn't an option.

Weeks had passed and one afternoon while I was working out some scheduling issues with the weekend entertainment, Jason came in and sat down next to me at the bar. Paying little attention to his purpose for being there, and more to the mess that had been created with double-booking two bands for the upcoming weekend, I barely noticed when he asked me out, for a "real date." In fact, I think he had to ask twice. I looked up at the sincerity in his eyes and at the bartender who was not even trying to be inconspicuous in following our conversation. I went to question him, and he stopped me, asking again. A long moment. Dramatic? Maybe a little...finally I nodded and smiled. He winked and smiled back. We made plans for Saturday night, date night.

I found myself becoming nervous as the week progressed, an emotion I never thought I would associate with Jason. Friday afternoon, almost skipping into work for another crazy night. My smiling face was met with the sadness in our bartender Amber's eyes. She asked me if I heard, to which I asked what? She said there had been an accident, Jason was in the hospital. Feeling the wind knocked out of me. I made my way to the office with Amber right on my heels to fill me in as I walked. I had learned in that short walk that Jason had been out on a snow mobile in a field, and ended up hitting a barbed-wire fence. He was being held in ICU at the local hospital, and his parents, who lived out of state, were on their way into town.

My reaction was overwhelming, and as soon as work was under control, I headed up to the hospital. Of course, unable to talk or see anyone, I just felt better being there. And that waiting room brought me comfort as I awaited word on his condition. It was 3-4 days of visiting the waiting room at the hospital before a woman came looking for me. I had been pointed out by one of the nurses who had seen me there before. She came to introduce herself as Jason's mom, and sat down next to me. Her well-to-do self was shadowed by the eyes of a worried mother. I held her hand as she talked, and we cried together, soft silent tears.

Her voice choked when she told me that Jason's vocal chords had been damaged and he would never speak again. He would remain there throughout the week, and then moved to a hospital closer to home. His life would now be moved out of the state, with his parents. I asked to see him, and she asked me to wait a couple of days.

For 3 days I waited, thinking about what to say. What do you say to someone who has touched your life so profoundly and that you know you'll probably never see or talk to again. I wanted to give him something, wanted to say something to wrap up all of these feelings I had, wanted to plan a perfect moment to remember forever, and that he would carry with him.

Jason's mom called for me on Friday and I dropped work and went to the hospital. She met me outside the door and warned me that he was pretty banged up still, so that I wouldn't be surprised, or react.

I walked in slowly and quietly. His dad was in the corner reading a newspaper, and nodded and smiled at me as I crept forward. Jason's eyes met mine and I smiled politely. He reached his hand for me, and I held onto it gently. I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. Looking at him, I wanted to say something, but I couldn't find the words. He picked up a folded piece of paper that was laying on the bed next to him, and pressed it into my palm. I started to open it, and he shook his head no. We shared a moment, and it was time to say goodbye. Still at a loss, I kissed his hand, his forehead again. He nodded gently, and squeezed my hand with the paper in it. With that moment, I let him go.

Outside the door, I leaned against the wall for support to keep myself from falling over and opened the note. Inside, in messy handwriting, were only 6 words. "When You Say Nothing At All"

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Feeling the need to reflect today, it seems. For those who made it through and those who didn't, tell me someone who is captured like a picture in a portion of your life.

And a SPECIAL THANK YOU...for all the great book recommendations. You guys are fabulous.