Have you ever had a great-horrible night? Before last night, I don't think I would have been able to appreciate the irony of a night, living on both ends of the spectrum.
A pre-competition dinner set the mood for the night. A fun, light-hearted, drama-free environment. I love my cousin, Sam, he is on the of the coolest people on the planet. And, he has managed to surround himself with a group of people just like him. The bring out the best in me and for the first time all week, I was looking forward to the night.
Nerves finally set in when we arrived and I saw the crowd that had turned out for such an event. The place held 400, it was damn hear full, and it was only eight o'clock. I had finally picked my two songs and now all I had to do was wait. Wait at a fucking bar and not be able to drink. A great experience, let me tell you.
I did have my traditional shot of Goldschlauger (long story), but that was it. Lemon water until show time.
It began at nine, and what a show it was. Appreciating the gift of singing, I enjoyed every single performance. My first song "Low" by Kelly Clarkson ~have you ever been low, have you ever had a friend that let you down so, when the truth came out, where you the last to know.. My second song, "The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia" ~And his cheatin' wife, never left town. That's one body that will never be found, you see, little sister don't miss when she aims her gun~
24 songs later, the 12 of us waited. My boys were very very supportive, they are good like that. I knew none of the other contestants, but they were all awesome and I had no problem telling them that. My competitive cousin kept telling me how they all sucked, that's loyalty for you, I suppose. They called the top three up on stage, my name was called first. My boys were yelling and screaming...The comparison to American Idol made me giggle. I was, however, literally shaking. Scared to death to win.
Well, they called out the second place winner and it was the guy next to me. It was now just down to me and the other girl. Either way, it was all good. The drew it out as long as they could, I thought the DJ was going to get a bottle thrown at his head or something. Then finally.."the winner is..." I closed my eyes and reminded myself to congratulate the other girl...
They didn't even get out my whole name before the noise was overwhelming. Stunned, speechless, and I think my mouth was hanging open. (attractive, I know). I had won! I was terrified! Explain that one...
I accepted my trophy, flowers, and a nice phat check with a smile. I couldn't speak, yet they were expecting me to sing again. My shaking body managed to calm enough to get out a version of "I love rock and roll" (I fear it was a little slutty, but whatever). The love was overwhelming. It was quickly becoming one of my favorite moments, and I have had several. Every shitty thought melted into this love pot of bodies out in front of me. What a fucking high!
It was hugs and kisses from my cousin and his table of buddies, and a round of drinks from their winner. My face hurt from smiling so much. The place was packed and the congratulations flowed by like a conga line. A hand on my shoulder caught my attention and before I could turn to see who it was-Sam was out of his chair.
Here is where the descriptive turns to vague, where the best turns out to not be. I wasn't out of my chair before words were spoken and Sam was escorting him out the side door. I saw him say something to the bouncer by the door as he walked out. He knows everyone. I went to follow, I was stopped. I don't remember breathing. The minutes, only a few, felt like an eternity. I kept trying to leave, but Tommy, the boy next to me, wouldn't let me up. When in the hell did boys become stronger than me? Sam came back, alone. He whispered something to his friend and came back to the table. My questioning eyes were about to pop out of my fucking head as he reached for his beer. He took a drink, smiled and winked at me, it was then that I noticed his hand.
He avoided my questions until I gave up. Once alone, later in the night, he would explain.
Excitement to terror, anxiety to terror, calm to terror...I was exhausted come 2 a.m. and headed to bed. I clutched onto Sam as we said good night. He looked at me and said "I'm so proud of you..." *sigh* did I tell you, I have the best family EVER!?!
I have so much to be thankful for. The love and care from my family overwhelms. My inability to ever ask for help from anyone, isn't a factor when it comes to the protection you feel within my family. I wish this feeling of belonging to each one of you. It's euphoric. I won something far greater than money last night, I won understanding.
Thanks for reading this long ass journal, I like to talk, can't you tell?
PS...Catiedid is a strong, wonderful woman, and will be fine. I'll pass along your thoughts.
A pre-competition dinner set the mood for the night. A fun, light-hearted, drama-free environment. I love my cousin, Sam, he is on the of the coolest people on the planet. And, he has managed to surround himself with a group of people just like him. The bring out the best in me and for the first time all week, I was looking forward to the night.
Nerves finally set in when we arrived and I saw the crowd that had turned out for such an event. The place held 400, it was damn hear full, and it was only eight o'clock. I had finally picked my two songs and now all I had to do was wait. Wait at a fucking bar and not be able to drink. A great experience, let me tell you.
I did have my traditional shot of Goldschlauger (long story), but that was it. Lemon water until show time.
It began at nine, and what a show it was. Appreciating the gift of singing, I enjoyed every single performance. My first song "Low" by Kelly Clarkson ~have you ever been low, have you ever had a friend that let you down so, when the truth came out, where you the last to know.. My second song, "The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia" ~And his cheatin' wife, never left town. That's one body that will never be found, you see, little sister don't miss when she aims her gun~
24 songs later, the 12 of us waited. My boys were very very supportive, they are good like that. I knew none of the other contestants, but they were all awesome and I had no problem telling them that. My competitive cousin kept telling me how they all sucked, that's loyalty for you, I suppose. They called the top three up on stage, my name was called first. My boys were yelling and screaming...The comparison to American Idol made me giggle. I was, however, literally shaking. Scared to death to win.
Well, they called out the second place winner and it was the guy next to me. It was now just down to me and the other girl. Either way, it was all good. The drew it out as long as they could, I thought the DJ was going to get a bottle thrown at his head or something. Then finally.."the winner is..." I closed my eyes and reminded myself to congratulate the other girl...
They didn't even get out my whole name before the noise was overwhelming. Stunned, speechless, and I think my mouth was hanging open. (attractive, I know). I had won! I was terrified! Explain that one...
I accepted my trophy, flowers, and a nice phat check with a smile. I couldn't speak, yet they were expecting me to sing again. My shaking body managed to calm enough to get out a version of "I love rock and roll" (I fear it was a little slutty, but whatever). The love was overwhelming. It was quickly becoming one of my favorite moments, and I have had several. Every shitty thought melted into this love pot of bodies out in front of me. What a fucking high!
It was hugs and kisses from my cousin and his table of buddies, and a round of drinks from their winner. My face hurt from smiling so much. The place was packed and the congratulations flowed by like a conga line. A hand on my shoulder caught my attention and before I could turn to see who it was-Sam was out of his chair.
Here is where the descriptive turns to vague, where the best turns out to not be. I wasn't out of my chair before words were spoken and Sam was escorting him out the side door. I saw him say something to the bouncer by the door as he walked out. He knows everyone. I went to follow, I was stopped. I don't remember breathing. The minutes, only a few, felt like an eternity. I kept trying to leave, but Tommy, the boy next to me, wouldn't let me up. When in the hell did boys become stronger than me? Sam came back, alone. He whispered something to his friend and came back to the table. My questioning eyes were about to pop out of my fucking head as he reached for his beer. He took a drink, smiled and winked at me, it was then that I noticed his hand.
He avoided my questions until I gave up. Once alone, later in the night, he would explain.
Excitement to terror, anxiety to terror, calm to terror...I was exhausted come 2 a.m. and headed to bed. I clutched onto Sam as we said good night. He looked at me and said "I'm so proud of you..." *sigh* did I tell you, I have the best family EVER!?!
I have so much to be thankful for. The love and care from my family overwhelms. My inability to ever ask for help from anyone, isn't a factor when it comes to the protection you feel within my family. I wish this feeling of belonging to each one of you. It's euphoric. I won something far greater than money last night, I won understanding.
Thanks for reading this long ass journal, I like to talk, can't you tell?
PS...Catiedid is a strong, wonderful woman, and will be fine. I'll pass along your thoughts.
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It's almost 8 in the morning, shouldn't you be awake, chatting with me?????